Page 8 of Tank
“Uh, yeah,” he said curtly, his lips pressing into a thin line. “You were treated for second and third-degree burns over your arm, chest, and face. Your left arm was the worst. It seems to be healing nicely and you didn’t need any surgery for skin grafts. You had three fractured ribs, but being in a coma for almost three months has allowed your body to heal. We are going to run some tests and go from there.” With a brush off nod, he was out the door. Not that I cared to fucking talk anymore and I didn’t have any questions for him because I just didn’t give a fuck.
“Pretty lucky in a way. Being in a coma, you missed the most painful parts.” My head whipped over to the nurse so fast I heard something pop. I watched as the huge smile slipped from her face as her eyes grew to the size of saucers.
“The fuck you say?!” I growled.
Yes, I knew that she had no idea about what had happened and she was just doing her best to make light of my situation, but it was the wrong thing to say to me.
The color drained from her face and I almost felt bad. Hell, I knew I was one scary looking guy and I was sure that the scars and most likely unkempt look I had going on didn’t help. Add in the pissed off fire I currently had in my eyes and I imagined I was absolutely terrifying.
“Get the fuck out,” I barked hoping she’d take my warning before I blew up.
Thankfully, she got the damn message and without another word, she scurried like a mouse out the door.
Lucky. That was a crock of shit right there. I was the furthest from lucky at that point. How many times could life kick me in the balls and tear out my heart before I finally said enough?
The door swung open with a force only one of my brothers could do. And sure enough, in walked Axe with a look of indifference on his face.
“Mom send you?” I asked, my throat sore and I really wished I had some water.
“Yep,” he supplied and plopped down in the seat by the bed. “You’re awake.” His statement was so deadpan it didn’t need a reply.
The longer I sat there awake the more agitated I became. I was doing my best to not think about what had happened but there was no way to escape it. What the fuck had I done in life that was so awful that I deserved this shit? I couldn’t come up with anything. I may not have been a saint but I wasn’t anywhere near being the Devil.
“You got about five minutes to brace yourself before Loch and Diesel get here. You want me to fill you in or you wanna wait?” Axe asked breaking the silence.
“No, I need the five minutes.” A heavy sigh escaped my throat and I started coughing.
Axe left the room and came back not even a minute later with a cup of ice water. Knowing I wouldn’t let him hold it like I was some damn baby, he handed me the cup then sat down again. I drank like a man who’d been stuck in the desert for a year. The cool water only mildly soothed the burning in my throat as it went down.
Before I was completely prepared for it, Loch and Diesel came walking through the door. I would have said the hard, stoic looks on their faces were due to my condition, but in truth, that was just how they always looked.
With a deep breath that hurt like hell to take, I steeled myself ready to hear whatever they were going to tell me. Truth was, I didn’t care to know anything. I didn’t give a damn about the club at that moment. Shitty of me? Sure. But I’d just woke up and found myself in the worst nightmare I could have ever imagined and the only thing I wanted was to be left alone. I wanted to get up. I wanted to run away and hide. I didn’t care if I ever saw any of them ever again, and that included my mother and my sisters.
“We just had to see it for ourselves, brother,” Loch said obviously not missing the hard look on my face. And while his words showed how much he cared, I didn’t want the emotions attached to them.
“I was fucking worried, man. Ellie, too,” Diesel said as he took a tentative step towards me.
Hearing Ellie’s name did two things to me.
One, it made me soften a bit, because who couldn’t when it came to Ellie. The poor girl must have been going out of her mind while I was out. She had the biggest heart out of everyone I knew and she took on pain like no other.
And Two, anger filled my veins. I never said jealousy and envy were good colors on me, but right then it was all I could wear. Because, to put it bluntly, Ellie and Diesel had what I no longer did. Was it right for me to feel that way? Well, no, but I couldn’t help the way I fucking felt.
I didn’t have anything to say so I didn’t even try and open my mouth. I didn’t miss the look they gave each other. Yeah, this was not like me. I was a pretty easygoing guy, or at least I was before all this happened. I joked. I laughed. I wasn’t afraid to do anything to get my kid to smile. I wasn’t like a lot of my brothers, I didn’t have that hard, tough exterior. I wore my heart on my sleeve and I was never ashamed of it. I’d always thought life was too short to spend every minute hardened by the things you’ve been through. But suddenly, I was understanding that feeling because I no longer had it in me to give a fuck about anything.
“Look,” Loch said and I snapped my attention to him. I knew better than to disrespect him even if I felt like telling him to take a hike. “You just came out of a coma, I’m not here to fill you in on everythin’ you’ve missed while you were out. There will be time for that later. I only wanted to check on you. I’m sorry, brother.” The look in his eyes was full of too much sadness and pity.
My stomach turned and I ground my jaw to keep the feelings at bay. Sorry wasn’t going to cut it. Nothing would. If I had just opened my mouth before all this happened then maybe I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be alone. But I made the mistake thinking that my club would protect us at all costs. Instead, we let Savage run free after he killed Stone and threatened us. Fucking pathetic. And look who paid for it, an innocent child—myinnocent child.
“You’ve seen me. I’m alive. Now you can go,” I said my voice raw and low.
Diesel and Loch cut their eyes to Axe, who only shrugged in response. Weird thing was, I didn’t mind Axe being there. But then again, it wasn’t like he tried to baby or pity me. He was just, for lack of a better word, there.
I made the mistake of locking eyes with Diesel. His crystal blue eyes looked on the verge of tears and for a second my heart clenched. Next to Axe, Diesel was my closest brother. Tough as he was, he had a soft spot for Logan and I knew he had to be hurting almost as much as I was. I could have reached out. There were a million things I could have done in that moment but the only thing I did was turn my head away from him.
Two sets of footsteps retreated and I knew I was left alone with Axe in the room. For hours, he sat there in silence. I wasn’t sure if he had nothing better to do or was left there to watch over me. My bet would have been on the latter. The quiet wore me down. I felt like the biggest dick. So when the perky nurse walked back into my room to check on me I did my best not to bark at her.
“I’m just here to check a few things, Mr. Palmer. I won’t be long,” she said and I could tell she was trying to cover the shakiness of her voice.
