Page 7 of Tank
CHAPTER FOUR
Tank
There I was again with the coin landing on un-fucking-lucky, because I couldn’t have come to with some sort of amnesia or short term memory loss.
Instead, as my mind pushed its way to consciousness, it replayed the last events it remembered. Which so happened to be the worst of my life.
I didn’t have to open my eyes to know I was in a hospital. And that meant one thing, that I had somehow made it and I was alive. Most people would be happy in that situation but as I remembered the explosion, all I could wish for was death. Because there was no way my son made it out alive.
I felt the wetness push its way through my fused together lids and get trapped by my lashes. Not only couldn’t I open my eyes, I simply didn’t want to. I didn’t want to face those who might happen to be there. Like my mom. I couldn’t take seeing the broken look in her eyes when I, myself, was feeling the same. I knew I couldn’t suck it up this time and be there however she might need me.
Because I had fucking lost my son.
“Noah,” my mom’s voice whispered no doubt noticing the tears slip out of my eyes. She knew I was awake and there was no hiding it. But instead of being the son she was used to, I lost it.
“Don’t,” I barked as loud as my scratchy, dry throat would allow. “Go.”
There was no mistaking her sharp intake of breath. I’d never talked to her that way. I’d never felt the need to before. And while it may have hurt me a tiny bit, I just couldn’t handle any kind of conversation that was to follow.
“I’ve been waiting almost three damn months to know that you’re alright. Sittin’ here by your bed, hoping that you would come back to me. I will not leave and you will not ever talk to me like that again.” She pulled out her mom tone and the guilt tugged at my heart, but it wasn’t enough to get me to drop my guard.
Three months. Damn. I couldn’t believe it had been that long. My mind was completely shut off that whole time. It was just an empty void of darkness. One minute I was trapped and the next I was waking up with a sickening, sterile smell filling my nose. It was weird and strange. I had missed three months of my life but I felt unaware that time had passed. It didn’t matter because I wanted nothing more than to be back in that void. I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t want to be in that bed, breathing.
“Mom, I love you. You know this,” I said still keeping my eyes closed. “But I need time right now. I’m asking you to respect that.”
“Fine,” she breathed out in a resigned sigh. “I’m going to let the nurses know you’re awake, then I will go. But you better be damn sure that I will be back tomorrow.”
Then I heard her gather her things and head out the door.
I knew it was only a matter of time before she told everyone and soon my room would be filled with my brothers. And knowing them, they wouldn’t let my attitude go so easily.
So, for the little time that I had, I let myself cave. I let my emotions in and I let the hate and disappointment take over.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Palmer. I’m your nurse, Becky. The doctor will be in shortly.” She smiled and I swallowed down the grunt I felt at her perky voice. “It’s good to see you awake.”
Her fuchsia scrubs were just a bit on the tight side, not doing much for her short, squat frame. Every time she spoke the ponytail of tight curls bounced like springs popping out from her head. And her smile, while at any other point in my life I would have said it was beautiful especially the way it seemed to light up her face, but at that particular moment it grated on my damn nerves.
I made no movement indicating that I’d heard her. I sure as fuck wasn’t happy to be awake. She brushed off my mood like it didn’t bother her and went about doing her thing. My eyes roamed the walls, focusing at nothing specific.
“How are you feeling?” the bouncy nurse asked.
“Fine,” I said and my voice sounded rough to my own ears.
It hurt like a bitch to talk, too, the air feeling like shards of glass as it came up my throat. I swallowed hard as I brought my hand up to massage the front of my neck.
That was when I noticed that my arm was mostly covered with white gauze wrapping. Then the ‘what the fuck’ hit me. Not a second since I’d woken up did I think about what had happened to me and why I was in a hospital. The cause of why I’d been out for nearly three months didn’t even cross my mind. Yeah, I remembered being covered by rubble from my exploding house, but what had happened to me, well, it didn’t seem to matter to me the moment I came to and all I could remember was that my son was gone.
“The doctor will explain everything, okay?” Becky said noticing that I’d finally caught on to all the things that were wrong with me.
Before I had a chance to open my mouth and come up with some sort of reply, in walked a middle-aged man wearing a white lab coat. Fuck, that guy looked like a prick with his hair perfectly styled and his shirt neatly pressed.
Damn, when did I become such an asshole?
I was never one to judge someone so hastily. Sure, there were moments you got the so-called vibe and knew the instant you saw them that they were bad news. But just to outright hate someone because of how well they were or weren’t put together was never me. And while I realized that these people did nothing to scar my life, I still couldn’t help but to lash out at them.
“I’m Doctor White. How are you feeling, Mr. Palmer?” he said not even giving me the time of day. The words rolled off his tongue like he was so used to saying it that he didn’t even have to think about it anymore. Okay, maybe I was right about this guy being a prick.
“Fucking great, doc,” I grumbled. “Seems I had myself a nice long nap. I should be good to go then, right?” I wasn’t really asking. I knew I was being a dick, but the moment I woke up, I just didn’t care anymore.
