Page 59 of Tank
When did things get so mixed up? Oh, yeah, when I fell for my fucking target. I couldn’t deny it now and hearing him tell me how he felt made my stupid heart flutter.
What that meant for us? I had no idea, which was bugging the crap out of me. I liked answers and right now I had none at all.
It seemed like forever that I stood there, waiting for whatever meeting they were having to be over. The door opened and out walked the guy with the bright eyes and long blonde hair. Bocca, I recalled. I sagged with disappointment as he closed the door behind him. His eyes searched the space and landed on me. With a chin lift, he headed in my direction. I readied myself for whatever he had to tell me.
“It will be a little while longer,” he said and I saw a weird softness in his eyes. It was almost like he regretted having to say those words to me. I shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, when in fact, I found that I actually ached to see the big guy. “Um, you want something to eat? I know you haven’t eaten anything since you’ve been here, you must be hungry, right?”
Though I’d been in many situations where food would sometimes have to wait for days, I was hungry enough to admit that I could eat. So, I gave a short nod and kept my lips pressed tight.
I followed him through the building until we came to a huge kitchen with a nice black and gray granite top island. The place was spotless and everything was put away in an orderly fashion. There were two huge gas stoves, each complete with six burners and a grill top in the middle. Damn, these guys lived large. It shocked the shit out of me.
Bocca gestured for me to take a seat on the far side of the island where there were a few stools tucked neatly under. I watched him as he went to one of the two—yes, two—massive, stainless steel refrigerators. He came back with a wrapped, premade sandwich, a bottle of water, and two beers.
I had reservations about the sandwich, I wasn’t stupid and I always thought the worst in every situation. Work hazard and all. But I could tell that these guys wouldn’t poison me. These guys seemed more like a torture then slowly kill kinda group. I could respect that.
“You probably won’t take my word for it, but it’s not poisoned,” Bocca said like he had read my damn mind, or perhaps my face. Yeah, my face may have given me away. I imagined the way I was eyeing the damn thing while debating everything in my head was a dead give away. Funny how it all came full circle. I had pretty much said the same thing to Noah the first time I’d fed him.
I held back a sigh as I thought about him. My time with him was limited and I started to feel a heaviness in my gut.
“Thanks,” I said as I opened the wrapper and took a huge, unladylike bite as Bocca sat down, leaving an empty stool between us, his body angled towards me.
I opted for the water over the beer. One wouldn’t have incapacitated me but I didn’t want to have even the smallest thing clouding my head.
“So, how come you didn’t…you know…kill him?” Bocca asked after I’d taken a few more bites. Pausing to collect my thoughts, I put down my food.
“I couldn’t,” I said looking him dead in the eyes. It was that simple.
He chewed on the inside of his cheek as he watched me. Then he tipped his beer back as if the answer I’d given had been good enough.
“I take it he told you about his son?” I nodded twice, the feeling of guilt rising up to slap me in the face. I couldn’t tell anyone what I knew, not just yet. “You know Savage was behind it?” Again, I nodded.
“But in all fairness, I knew none of this when I took the contract. And it was for anyone who happened to walk into that cabin. It wasn’t specifically for Noah.” Not that saying that was going to make the situation any better. I didn’t miss the slight twitch of his eye at me using Noah’s real name.
“You know, he’s had a shit life when it comes to the love department. He doesn’t easily trust women outside of his family,” Bocca said pinning me with a look. “Or at all really.”
“Look, I get that the situation is really messed up. I just wanted to know that he was alive and okay. Now that I do, you can off me,” I said with no fear in my voice. I’d come to accept my fate the last few days. Bocca’s eyes went wide and it confused me for a moment. That look said it all, they weren’t going to kill me but I didn’t understand why. Strange, but I’d take it. I had betrayed them, plotted against one of their own, but they were going to let me walk. “Or, I can walk out that door and never look back,” I said, seeing as I knew that was probably the only other option for me right then.
Bocca’s bright eyes lit up with surprise as he looked at me. He had the thickest lashes I’d ever seen on a man and it only made his eyes pop more. He brought his hand up and rubbed his pointer finger along his bottom lip line.
“You saved his life to just walk away?” he asked like he couldn’t understand it.
“If I have to, that is what I will do,” I held my head high, letting him know that I meant those very words.
It wasn’t that I wanted to, it was more that I was willing to do whatever I had to do to keep him safe, keep him happy. If I left, he could go on with the life he deserved. He could stay with his club and his brothers or whatever and he could go back to his mom and his sisters. And maybe, once I told him about his son, he could go back to the life he had. One, I imagined, was full of laughter and happiness. One where I didn’t fit into.
“Hmm.” Was all I got in response, though I could tell Bocca was thinking things he wanted to say.
For a moment I wondered what this guy’s story was. He seemed to have a lot of answers floating around in his eyes but he also seemed at war with himself about all of that. I decided it was best not to push him, if he wanted to tell me then he would. Maybe I was better off not knowing what he was thinking.
“Let’s get back,” he said rising to his feet. “I’m sure they are going to want to talk to you.”
I tossed my trash in the big can by the door and held onto the rest of my water. Then I followed him back the way we came, eyes of men I didn’t know staring me down the entire way. But I held my head high and shoulders back, I had never been intimidated by what people thought about me and I wasn’t about to start now.
The moment Noah’s eyes met mine, I knew it was going to be hard to leave the big guy. He lit up like the sun and I hated that I was going to have to dim that light. It wasn’t my choice, it was just the reality of the circumstances that surrounded us. Even if I was allowed to stay here with him, we would never work out. The future held different things for both of us. But that didn’t matter because, by the tense atmosphere of the room and the looks that were shot my way, I knew my time was up in one way or another.
“Listen, sweetheart, you seem like a badass bitch, so I’m not gonna sugar coat it for you. Figured you’d respect that,” the older guy with longer hair said. I looked down at his cut and saw he was wearing a president’s patch with the name Brass above it. My eyes looked back at him and I nodded, respecting what he’d said. “My boys don’t know you and given the situation, they don’t trust ya. But seems like this big lug here won’t stay if you can’t. Kinda puts me in a bind, seein’ as he is really in no condition to go frolicking in the daises.”
I snorted at the visual image he’d put in my head. A ghost of a smile twitched on Brass’ lips and I felt myself relax a bit, even if it didn’t show. I got the sense that he wasn’t happy with what he was about to have to do, and the war raging behind his eyes told me that he hadn’t completely made up his mind on what exactly it was that he was going to do.
