Page 11 of Tank
I could feel the fire in my eyes as I raised my gaze to his. I sat tall, firmly seated in my decision. I wasn’t going to change my mind no matter what he, or anyone else, had to say. If he had made this choice months ago, I would have been behind him one hundred percent. Now, his words were just too late and I didn’t have one fuck left to give.
Did I want to take down Savage and get revenge for my son? Yes. I wanted to tear him apart with my bare hands. But would it change the outcome of that night? No, never. And that was what mattered in the end.
“We want you there, by our sides, when the time comes.” I didn’t miss how Cal’s words softened just a bit.
“I can’t,” I said. The words ‘I’m done’ on the tip of my tongue but for some reason, they didn’t make it any further than that.
“We’re so close, Tank.” This time it was Diesel who tried. I looked over at my brother, my friend.
“Close?” I barked as I shot up out of my seat. Yeah, I’d lost all of my calm and now the fucking beast was tearing to get out. “Close? Good for you. I sat here at this very table for months biting my tongue. Putting my fucking faith in my club and my leader even when I didn’t want to sit back and wait. Even when I knew no good would come out of it. We sat here and bent the fuck over while Savage shoved a pole up our asses. We took that shit without any kind of backbone. And the whole goddamn time I stood behind each and every one of your votes. Hell, I handed Savage the damn pole before I bent over for him. The fuck does that say about me, huh?”
My chest heaved and I paused, taking a good long stare at each one of them. It was clear from the look on their faces that I was overstepping and the shock was thick in the air. I’d never lashed out like this before. Truth was, I had never felt the need to.
“I put my faith in you. I fucking backed you,” I spat out, pinning Cal with a hard stare. To his credit, he didn’t back down, but I could see the regret and guilt swarming in his eyes. “And what did that get me? Nothing. I have nothing!” The built-up rage vibrated through my body and no amount of controlled breathing would stop it.
“Tank,” Loch said, moving to stand between Cal and myself.
“We need you, brother,” Diesel said from across the table.
With an eerie slowness, I turned my eyes to him. Why couldn’t he have just stayed out of it? I was already on a roll and I couldn’t stop all of the emotions that busted out of me.
“Not you. I can’t even look at you right now. One of my best fucking friends and it makes me sick to be around you,” I said almost hating myself as the words spewed out. But then again, maybe this was for the best. If I pushed them all away, then they would have no choice but to turn their backs on me. “You have everything I don’t, now. Fate. I can’t even stomach the thought of her. I hate that you have her. And that is fucking wrong, man. I get that. She’s just barely made her way into this world and I hate her. And the fucked up thing about it, she doesn’t deserve that. She’s innocent in it all.” It was true. I hated her, but I also hated that I felt that way.
The look of rage flashed in his eyes. I had never been on the receiving end of what he could do, but I’d seen it plenty of times. When he went dark it was bad and hard for him to come back from. But having him get this way towards me was for the fucking best. I narrowed my eyes at him almost egging him on. But then he took in a deep breath and his hard look was replaced with something much worse. A look I hated seeing on him or anyone. Pity. He may have had some idea of how I was feeling at that moment but I never wanted him to feel sorry for me because I didn’t deserve it. I was the one that stood by and let this happen to my son.
“Tank.” Cal’s voice caused my head snap to his direction.
“No. I’m done!”
And there they were, the words I’d wanted to say since I’d walked into the clubhouse. I didn’t regret them and I didn’t want to take them back because I meant them from the bottom of my now black heart.
I walked to the door, no intention of giving any of them a goodbye. I just wanted to be gone. Axe put his hand on my shoulder and I stopped to take a moment to look into his eyes.
“I get it.” By the look in his eyes, I knew he wasn’t about to try and stop me. Which was good, because I was so blinded by rage I would have fought my way out of that room, and I was a force to be reckoned with. I knew I would win against any one of them in the end. “Go find your trees,” he murmured before removing his hand from my shoulder and letting me go.
While it might have sounded like the weirdest fucking thing in the world to say to someone, I understood it. So with a firm nod, I moved past him, grabbed my bags, and walked out of the clubhouse without a single look back.
And that was how, a little over four hours later, I found myself parking in front of a cabin owned by the club, that was practically lost on the side of a mountain in Tennessee.
