Page 61 of Diesel
“I don’t know what the hell I did in this life to deserve this. It can’t happen again. Ellie is so innocent,shedoesn’t deserve all this.” I didn’t know what I was feeling at that moment. Too many emotions trying to fight each other to get to the surface.
Time passed in a blur. It could have been minutes or hours, I didn’t know. All I could focus on was the blood spot on the front of my jeans. The dread set in more and more the longer the seconds ticked on. Loch tapped my shoulder. I looked up to see Sara Ann walking into the room wearing her doctor’s coat over a pair of bright pink scrubs.
She and Loch grew up together and she knew about the club. She’d helped us out on a few occasions and I was a little relieved that she was working. She looked at Loch and made her way over to us. I shot out of my seat like a rocket. She smiled sweetly at me and I hoped it was a good sign.
“I’m assuming it’s you I need to talk to, huh?” she asked with a tight smile. Was I that obvious? I didn’t fucking care. I didn’t have time for this shit. I needed answers. “Why don’t you follow me out into the hall so we can talk.”
“No,” I said more firmly than I meant to. “This is her family. Whatever you’re about to tell me, they need to know it too.”
“Alright,” she said with a tight nod.
“Spit it out Doc. I need to know they are okay. Don’t fuckin’ tell me otherwise,” I barked.
“They are stable. Both of them.” I let out a long breath nearly collapsing into Tank behind me. The ache in my chest dulled the tiniest bit. “She has what we call a placenta abruption. That is what caused the bleeding. We’ve stopped the bleeding and brought her blood pressure down. She’s resting right now.”
“What does that all mean? The baby—” I started, trying to understand everything.
“Is doing fine. She’s healthy and looks good. The placenta separated from the wall of the uterus. We are going to keep her here for a couple of days to monitor her and the baby. Rest and relaxation are the best things for both of them right now. I’m not sure what happened to cause her blood pressure to spike, but I recommend keeping her away from things that may cause stress.” Sara Ann’s voice was calm and for some reason that irritated me. Ellie and the baby were okay, but it didn’t sound like they were out of the woods. “Look, I know it’s a lot to take in. I talked to Doctor Wallace and he informed me that she has had a few bumps in the pregnancy. With that and now this, I am putting her on bed rest for at least two weeks. Have Doctor Wallace come out and check her a few days after we release her. And call him immediately if anything seems unusual. But first, let’s just get through these next two days.”
“Whatcouldhappen?” It wasn’t that I wanted to think the worst, I only needed to prepare myself for what might come.
“The placenta could separate further. Oxygen flow to the baby could decrease. In that case, we would need to perform an emergency C-section. Let’s worry with thatifwe get there, okay?”
“Can I see her?”
“Yes, only you for now. When we get her into a private room and she wakes up, then a couple people at a time. We don’t want to wear her out.”
“Thanks, Sara Ann,” Loch said just before she turned to head out the room. “We’ll be here.” He patted me on the back as I passed him.
Sara Ann led me down the hall to Ellie’s room. More like a tiny box with a curtain for a door. I hesitated, afraid of what, I wasn’t sure.
“She’s going to be alright. They both will. Right now she needs support and positive thinking.” Sara Ann pulled back the curtain enough so I could go through.
There was a nurse checking Ellie’s vitals on one side of the bed. I slipped in at took the chair on the opposite side. Ellie’s skin looked pale and colorless. Her lips looked dry. I felt like if I touched her she would break. Her eyes were closed and I could see her chest rising and falling with a steady rhythm.
“We gave her something so she could sleep. She’ll probably be out for a while,” the nurse informed me with a small smile. I nodded at her as she headed out of the room.
I slowly inched my fingers across the bed to her hand. Her skin felt cold against mine. My body started to shake as I began to cry. Everything I’d been holding back, all the emotion and anger and fear, spilled over to the surface. And I didn’t bother trying to shove it back down.
“Baby, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I just need you to know that.” I was so close to becoming a blubbering fool. “My sweet, beautiful pixie. I’m here now. I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll be there when our little girl makes her amazing appearance into this world. I’llalwaysbe there. Please, please, just come back to me. I fucking need you.”
I stared at her face for what felt like forever. She didn’t move, but her chest still rose and fell. I tucked my head beside her belly and held her hand to rest on my other cheek. I wanted to crawl in the bed with her, but I was scared I would hurt them.
“You are my light, El. Everything was dull until I saw you that night. I didn’t know it then, but you are fucking it for me. No one else existed once I saw you. I tried my hardest to forget you, but I couldn’t. Every day after I left you I wished I hadn’t. I’m an asshole and I’m sorry. I was scared. I was terrified that it was too good to be true and that something like this would happen. It wasn’t that I didn’t want you. Or our baby. It was that I wanted it too much. And I’ve been there before.”
I took a deep breath. I wanted to tell her all about my past. I wanted to push through. But I also didn’t want to have to tell the story more than once and I had no idea if she could even hear me. So I waited.
A little while later, they moved her up a floor to a private room. The room was huge and I had a feeling that my brothers were to thank for that. A few of them came in to check on Ellie and me but they didn’t stay long. I knew they were giving me the space I needed. The TV on the wall was on and the news playing let me know it was after eleven at night. All of a sudden, Ellie’s belly tapped my head.
Holy fuck!
I turned my head and placed my free hand to where my head had just been. Sure enough, another little tap against my palm. I smiled wide.
“Hey there, baby girl,” I said, hoping she could hear me. “I’m here. It’s Daddy.”
Wow, that felt really strange to say. But good strange.
My ice heart warmed and I felt like I was flying as my baby tapped me again. I had no idea if it was her hand or foot, but I didn’t care. She was strong. And I was fucking proud.
“Diesel,” I heard Ellie whisper at the same time I felt her fingers twitch against my face.
At that moment, her voice was the best sound I’d ever heard.
