Page 53 of Diesel
CHAPTER THIRTY
Diesel
I woke to the feeling that someone was watching me. It only took a second for my mind to play catch up and I knew it was Ellie next to me. Before I knew it, my lips were twitching to smile. It reminded me of the first morning we woke up together.
I opened my eyes slowly and turned my head to look at her. She was hugged in tight to my side, her head resting perfectly on my shoulder. Her eyes looked up and met mine, but they weren’t smiling. Her hands were tucked between our bodies. She was so close but I could tell she was hesitant and far away. Not like I could blame her. I hadn’t been exactly warm and comforting when it came to her. But that was going to change. I had made up my mind. Sure it wasn’t going to be an instant change, I still had shit going on in my head, but I was going to try my hardest.
“Hey,” I said, my voice raw with sleep. She bit her lip and looked on the verge of tears. “Come here, pixie.” I rolled to face her and brought my lips to hers.
The kiss was slow and sweet. I savored everything about it. Her soft lips. The way her body relaxed into me. The way we just seemed to melt together. I pulled back catching her bottom lip lightly between my teeth. She let out a soft sigh and I smiled.
I had no idea what time it was but I had a huge feeling I was already late for work. Thinking on it, I remembered there weren’t too many cars at the shop and I figured I might not be all that missed. But that didn’t mean I could slack off all day. I had to hustle when I got there to make sure everything was caught up. I also had to pack for a ride that I suddenly didn’t want to go on, when only hours ago I had been begging Cal to let me out. It was set and now there was no way around it, I had to go.
Tucking her wild hair behind her ear, I thought about what I needed to say to her before I left. I couldn’t head off for a few days leaving her thinking I didn’t give a fuck. Pretty sure I was never going to be able to outrun my feelings for her. And as she stared up at me with hope shining in her eyes, I realized I was the only one standing in my way.
“I gotta get to work,” I started. Her little lip poked out ever so slightly. I caught it between my thumb and finger as I smiled. “Listen, I know we have a lot of things we need to talk about, but it’s gonna have to wait. And as much as I don’t even want to get out of this bed right now, I gotta go to the shop then I’ve gotta ride with the boys. I’ll be away for a few days. I don’t want you to worry, okay? But when I get back we’ll talk abouteverything. I promise, pixie.”
“Okay,” she said drawing in a deep breath.
I kissed her one last time, taking my time again because I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t want to get out of bed. I pulled the blanket off of her and she let out a surprised squeal as the cold air hit her bare legs. I laughed, a true happy laugh, as she tried to grab at anything to cover herself. She was so fucking cute. Before she could snatch the covers back from me, I bent down and kissed her belly. She stilled and her breath caught tight.
“Bye, little one. Be good for your mommy, okay? No bladder kicks today. No tumblin’ around.” I smiled and mouthedI love youto my little girl. Because I did. Despite all the shit I had going on inside of me, I loved my baby like any proud father should. Tears burned my eyes as I kissed her belly one more time.
No more holding back.
I kissed Ellie’s head before I slid out of bed. Her eyes shone bright green as she looked up at me. And maybe it was in that moment that I loved her, too. But I wasn’t sure if I was ready to admit that to myself. Maybe it was that I didn’t think I was good enough. I didn’t think I could give her the life she deserved. And I wondered if I would ever truly be able to let go of the past enough to enjoy my future.
“I’ll come say bye before I head out this afternoon,” I said before heading to the door with heavy steps. I didn’t want to go, and seeing her on the verge of tears made it even harder for me to leave. I just hoped they were happy ones. I smiled at her one last time before slipping out the door.
The day dragged on. I had a feeling the next few days would be the same. I worked fast and managed to clear out most of the work for the day before I headed back to the clubhouse. The need to see my girl too blatant for me to ignore. Yeah, I fucking said it.My girl. The only thing I wanted to do was get this fucking pick-up done as fast as possible.
This ride wasn’t going to be easy. I was sure Savage had some idea that Switchblade was never coming back. Even though it had been less than twenty-four hours since Switchblade met his maker, Savage would have known he was missing. And more than likely, he would know we were the reason for that. Or at least highly suspect that. I was under no assumptions that we were walking into a normal meeting and pick-up. I had to shut everything down on the ride out there and be prepared for anything.
Pulling up to the clubhouse, I saw my brothers getting ready for the ride. The mood was heavy and I tried to shake it off as I got off my bike with the intent of finding Ellie right away. Loch stopped me right before I reached the front door. I should have asked who all was going. But if I knew Cal, he was sending a small army. The best of our men and the ones who knew what was going on the most. I assumed everyone with an officer patch was going. With the exception of Tank.
“You good for this?” Loch asked
“Yeah. Got some stuff I gotta clear up in my head, but that’s what the drive there is for. I’ll be good by the time we pull into the city,” I assured him. He nodded once as he assessed me.
“Good,” he said taking a step closer and lowering his voice. “You gonna tell her about her family?”
I swallowed hard. That was something I tried not to think about. The whole situation pissed me off and I wondered again how the hell she had survived in the life she’d left behind. It seemed that no one ever really cared about her. Everyone around her was out to get something. Her family was a fucking joke. Her dad used her as a pawn more than she should ever know. The fuck of an ex-fiancé only wanted her as a trophy wife. And the wedding was a distraction to all the people who were going to lose their home for his big complex development. I had a huge idea that she never knew about that, and if she did, she would have never stayed with him.
Ellie had a huge heart. I could see it in the way she took care of my brothers and the way she had bonded with Grass. I could see how she was with Reagan and Jessica. She didn’t treat the two any differently like most women would. She would never intentionally hurt anyone. And if she did hurt someone, I had a feeling she would spend a lifetime trying her best to make up for that. She was fragile and very sheltered. None of which were her fault. It was the way her parents raised her. I figured it was just the way her father wanted, another puppet. Her mom seemed to be the type to stand behind her husband and go along with whatever he wanted. Ellie wasn’t raised to be her own person, she was raised to be a part of the picture of the perfect family.
“Not now. Fuck. Maybe not ever,” I said blowing out a harsh breath. I knew this would break her heart, and she’d had enough of that lately. A lot of the heartbreak had come from me and I hated myself for it. “Right now, she doesn’t need the stress with the baby and everythin’.” He gave a nod of understanding and he scratched his cheek with the back of his thumb.
“Alright,” he said. “Ready to head out?”
“Yeah, give me ten. I gotta tell Ellie bye.” A small smile spread on my lips. Loch, of course, didn’t miss it.
“’Bout fuckin’ time. You better not let that girl down. You go in, you goallin.”
“I don’t ever want to let mygirlsdown,” I said. “I know it’s different this time, but it’s hard to not let the past tarnish the possibilities of the future. But I’m workin’ on it.” He slapped me on the shoulder like he was proud of me, then followed me inside the front door.
The instant I stepped a foot inside, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.Ellie.I thought as I took in the shouting that raised up above all the other club noise. It was Tammy, and by the tone, she had snapped. I should’ve fucking known. The bitch was crazy. The uproar was coming from the kitchen.
“You think you’re special?!” Tammy’s shrieking voice rang out with nastiness and rage. “Just because he fucked you don’t mean anything. You are nothing. You think you are going to come in here and take another one of our men away. You and Reagan come along and just like, that I’m tossed aside. No. Fuck that. He’s mine and you better not step in my way again, cunt.” Her voice filled the air and everything stopped around me. Then she let out a frustrated growl that sounded like a thousand banshees screaming into the night.
