Page 39 of Diesel
I also noticed how she winced anytime someone said a harsh word or cussed. And how she never said a bad word herself, despite all the time she’d spent here being around such unfiltered people. Fuck was a pretty common word in our vocabulary, after all.
I drank more and my thoughts shifted to the first night we met. The night Ellie gave me everything. The night that, for a moment, I’d let my guard down. From the moment I saw her, I felt her deep inside the darkest places of my soul and that feeling never went away. I think that was what scared me the most. It was what kept me from letting go. It was what brought the past up to haunt me. Worst of all, I was letting it ruin everything.
With half of the bottle gone, I was thrown so far back into the parts of my past I tried to keep hidden. The memories flowed in at a gut-wrenching rate. And I held onto a few, remembering every little detail about that moment.
Too far in the bottle to make good decisions, I stumbled out of my room. I made my way past the door that would take me outside, to where Ellie most likely was. I passed all my brothers in the bar, raising glasses to me in congratulations to my new patch. I shrugged off the pats on the back as gracefully as I could.
The change in command was an honor, but it was still hard to swallow the reality of it all. A reminder that one of our brothers was no longer there to take his rightful place at the table. Another thing that made me feel like shit.
I made my way through the kitchen, where I should have stopped. I should have made something to eat and sobered up. That would have been the smart thing to do, but at that moment, I was a dumb and broken man. I leaned on the entrance to where the club girls stayed. Ellie also had a room there. The first one on the left. But that wasn’t the door I was looking for. It was the one right next to it.
“Diesel?” Tammy said opening her door that I had just knocked on.
I didn’t say anything, and by the wicked smile that spread across her face I didn’t need to. Moments later, I was stripping her naked and throwing her down on the bed. She was clawing at the comforter in anticipation. I didn’t even bother taking off my clothes. I simply pulled my dick out of my unbuttoned pants and suited up.
With blurred eyes, I looked at Tammy on her hands and knees with her ass in the air. She was ready for me even before she reached between her legs and started to rub her clit. The whole sight should have sent a fire through me. I pushed the flashing warning signs out of my head. The ones that were screaming at me to stop. The ones telling me to turn around and leave. I was in a ‘fuck it’ mood and didn’t care. My dick was hard from thinking about Ellie sprawled out that night in my motel room. It had been a long time since I was balls deep in something and I needed a fucking release.
Without another thought, I shoved myself into her wet pussy, hard and fast. She cried out, her moans filling the room. I pumped faster and faster, watching as my dick slid in and out of her.
“Oh, yeah, fuck. Diesel!” she screamed almost at the top of her lungs. “You like fucking my pussy, Diesel?”
“Yeah,” I answered automatically. The truth was, I wasn’t thinking about Tammy. In my head, I wasn’t buried balls deep inher. I was with Ellie. The total opposite of Tammy. Sure it was fucked up, but no one makes good decisions when they are three sheets to the wind.
“Oh, God. Yes! I’m gonna come, Diesel. Fuck me harder. Yes!” Her chants kept coming.
At the time, I didn’t realize something was off. I should have, knowing how well I knew Tammy. I knew everything about sex with her. But the fact that she was being more vocal and loud was lost on me. Until I heard the faint ringing of a cell phone. It wasn’t mine and it was too muffled to be in the same room I was in. Then I heard Ellie’s voice give a shaky hello.
I never once cared about how thin the walls were. I never once gave it any thought. But in that moment everything hit me. I was the biggest asshole on the planet. I stumbled back, catching Tammy’s glance over her shoulder. The smug, evil grin that was plastered on her face. The devilish glint in her eyes. She fucking knew. She fucking played it up the whole time.
I stayed there, glued to the opposite wall from where Ellie’s voice was coming through.
“Hi, yes. Thank you, Doctor Wallace, for getting back to me so soon.” Even muffled through the wall I could tell her voice was wobbly. “And I’m sorry to bother you… yes… I still feel the same… I also have a bad headache that feels like it wants to turn into a migraine and my vision is a bit blurry… Okay… yes… Thank you, doctor. See you in a bit.”
Even from the one-sided conversation, I got that something was wrong.Fuck!I took one last glance at Tammy, who didn’t seem concerned about what we’d just heard and what had happened. I ripped the condom off and tossed it into the trashcan. I quickly tucked myself in my pants and buttoned them up. Without another word to Tammy, I was out the door; completely disgusted with myself and what I’d done. This was all on me. All the hurt that I’d caused Ellie was on me. Again.
I barged in Ellie’s room without even knocking.
“What the fuck is goin’ on?” I asked in a tone harsher than I meant it to be.
I was concerned and freaking out. What if there was something wrong with her? With the baby? Not knowing what was going on had me in a damn panic. I may have been trying my hardest to fight against the whole thing, but all I knew right then was that I couldn’t fucking lose them.
