Page 18 of Diesel
I pulled off and parked in the bar parking lot. I took a few deep breaths before I got out. Opening the door, I saw that it wasn’t all that busy. The bartender working wasn’t the same one that was there the night of my bachelorette party but I decided to try anyway. This guy was big and had a very thick, but well-kept, beard. He watched with a silent stillness as I walked up to him.
“Hi, um, I’m looking for someone I met here a couple of months back,” I started. I waited for him to say something and after a few beats of awkward fidgeting, I continued. “His name was Diesel. Like a foot taller than me. Big. Lip piercing and lots of tattoos.” His eyes narrowed at me and he crossed his massive arms over his bulging chest. I wanted to shrink away. I knew right then I was asking questions that I probably shouldn’t, though, I wasn’t sure why.
“Sounds like a lot of people that come in here,” he said, his voice deep and his tone blunt. If he knew something he wasn’t going to tell me. I had a huge feeling he knew exactly who I was talking about. There was an odd look in his eyes when I said Diesel’s name. “Sorry, I can’t help you out.” He turned away from me.
“Wait, please,” I said shakily. “It’s really important that I find him.” I hoped my pleading, wide eyes would help.
He turned back to me but didn’t say anything. After a long while, he sighed and leaned on the bar.
“I can’t help you,” he said in a regretful tone. “Even if I could, it’s probably best that someone likeyoustay far away from anyone who would come in here.” I swallowed hard and nodded.
“If-if you see him, tell him Ellie was looking for him,” I said before turning and all but running out of the bar.
I didn’t hear his warning. Well, I did, but I chose to ignore it. I drove next door to the motel. I pulled around back and a jolt of excitement hit me immediately. His bike was there parked out front of the same room. Well, I assumed it was his bike. It looked like it. But then again, I was no motorcycle expert. For all I knew, there were a million that looked the same as his. But I was hopeful. If I wasn’t driving I might have jumped up and down while clapping frantically. I found an empty space a few doors down from his. Shutting off the car, I looked up to the sky and gave a silent thanks. I checked my hair in the rearview mirror. I wasn’t looking my best. I didn’t even have makeup on and my eyes looked tired and puffy.
Oh, well. Nothing you can do about it now.
I climbed out of my car and headed over to the door. I was about ready to knock, my hand paused midair when I heard a woman’s voice coming from the other side. And that voice was frantically moaning and screaming. Much like I was sure I had when I was on the other side of that same door. My cheeks heated and I froze. The sounds didn’t stop, and I didn’t move. It felt like an eternity that I stood there. I may not be that experienced but I knew what those sounds meant. Tears welled in my eyes and I took off for my car.
I threw myself into the driver’s seat and cried hard. The stupid hormones flowing through my body made me feel crazy. I knew I didn’t even have any reason to cry. It wasn’t like we had anything. It wasn’t like we promised each other things. And it wasn’t like he even knew what was going on with me.
I tried to pull it together enough so that I could drive away. But it seemed like the longer I sat there the harder the tears fell. The door to his room opened and out stepped the sexy redhead I had seen when I was there. I remembered her long, silky hair and her perfect face. She was dressed much like before, clothes that didn’t leave much to the imagination of what they were covering.
I shouldn’t have been upset. A girl like that was much more suited for him. Wild and unafraid of her body. The air around her oozing sex. I understood it and I saw it clear as day. A girl like me had no place in his dark and loose world.
A moment later, Diesel stepped out, shirtless. Even in my distressed state, my mouth watered at the sight of him with all his tattoos on display. His hard body massive and filling up the door frame. His black jeans hung low on his hips, cutting off where his defined V was leading to. I sighed, remembering everything about what was hidden below his belt line.
Then she stepped up to him, so close there was hardly an inch of space between them. Everything came crashing back down. They shared a few words that I desperately wished I could have heard. She leaned up and kissed his cheek. An intimate exchange after an intimate act. Seemed fitting. I hunkered down lower in my car so I wouldn’t be seen. I shouldn’t have been watching their private moment, but I couldn’t turn away. I blinked and then she was walking away from him.
My eyes followed her for a moment, taking in everything about her. All of our differences. All the things I would and could never be. Tall. Sexy. Confident.
When I turned my attention back to Diesel, he was gone, the door shutting and cutting him off from me. The bartender’s words rang out in my head. I gave in. He was right, this was no place for a girl like me and Diesel wasn’t the kind of guy that would be able to give me anything close to my dream. The dream of a normal family life; white picket fence and all.
But Steven could. I imagined that was what my dad saw. Maybe that was why he pushed for the wedding. Diesel and I were from two completely different worlds and I would just have to live with that. I would hold on to the good. That one perfect night. Diesel opened me up in more ways than one. For once in my life, I felt like I mattered. I didn’t feel like a pretty decoration there to add to the décor. I felt like a human and I felt cherished for who I was. That would stick with me forever.
I turned over the engine and drove off, leaving all of my hopes for the future with Diesel behind. Maybe one day I would tell him that I was pregnant or that I had his kid. Maybe I wouldn’t. One thing at a time. And the first thing was to set things right with Steven. I was going to tell him about the baby. I was just going to lay it all out there and pray that he would still want to make it work. Then things would go back to normal. I would have the perfect life where I wouldn’t want or need for anything, not that I had many wants or needs. I was going to make my dad and mom happy. Life would go on in the direction it was intended to.
Or so I hoped.
