Page 50 of Loch
The place was made up like it had never happened. I knew this was the guys doing— more specifically, Nate’s. Just another reminder that he wasn’t here. There was no blood on the walls or carpet. But I felt like I could still see it there in my mind. My legs trembled and I could no longer hold myself up. Brand caught me and before I knew it, he had carried me up to my room and set me on the bed. He covered me with the extra blanket at the foot of the bed before he turned to leave.
“Stay,” I whispered. I didn’t want to be alone. His body froze in the doorway for a second. With a nod, he turned around and settled himself in the chair in the corner of the room. He kicked off his boots and propped his feet up on the bed as he slunk down and rested his head on the back of the chair.
“Sleep, Aurora,” he said as he tucked his hands under his armpits and closed his eyes.
The fact that he knew Sleeping Beauty’s name wasn’t lost on me. If my mind hadn’t been in such a messed up state, I might have made fun of him. Instead, I closed my eyes and focused on the sound of his even breathing. How he could fall asleep that fast in that chair was beyond me. After a while the soothing noise made me drift off.
I was jolted awake by a strange ringing noise. I opened my eyes to see Brand pulling out of his slumber to answer his phone. His head still leaned back and his eyes closed. His voice was rough and groggy from sleep as he mumbled a hello. I got nothing from the one-sided conversation. He kept saying ‘yeah’ and ‘okay’ over and over again until he ended the call not even a minute later. It was then that I noticed his hands. His knuckles were all torn up, bloody, and swollen. I could see the deep bruising under the raw skin. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he scrubbed his hands over his face.
“Brand?” My voice was high and full of worry. He split his fingers and peeked out at me through the openings. When he saw my face he sat up straight. “What happened?” I reached out and my fingers brushed against the back of his hand. His eyes closed as he let out a long, heavy sigh.
“Nothing for you to worry yourself with, Reagan,” he said soft but firm. A slight warning hung in the air around his words. I shifted with slow, hesitant movements until I was sitting up, my body screaming at me with every move.
“Brand…”
“It’s done, Reagan. You’ll never have to worry about him again.” I could tell he didn’t want to tell me, but he also didn’t want to lie to me. I saw at that moment he was torn between his loyalty to the club and our friendship. I swallowed hard and then nodded. I wanted to ask more but I wasn’t going to push him. “I gotta go. You going to be alright for a bit?”
“Yeah,” I croaked out. He stood up, placed a light kiss at the top of my head, then walked to the door.
“Brand,” I said one more time. He turned his head to look over his shoulder but his eyes didn’t meet mine. “Thank you.”
Tears ran down my face. I didn’t know the details of what had happened, but I knew the outcome. I had no doubthesuffered through until his last breath. I felt like for the first time in a long time, I could start to breathe again.
“Not the one you should be thanking.” With his lips pressed into a tight line, he gave me a firm nod. And then he was gone.
The next two weeks I sat at home letting my body heal. Brand and Bocca each drove me to one of my two doctor’s appointments. One was to check out my nose and face. I was lucky my nose was the only thing that had been broken. Everything else other than my shoulder was minor. The other appointment was to determine how my shoulder was healing. The doctor tried to explain that it was a tiny slip or tear or something. I tried my best to listen, but I kept zoning out. I guessed by his tone that I was lucky. It was healing well and I would be able to go sling free from now on. He recommended that I limit my use and put this weird tape bandage thing on it at night. Bocca was there and, luckily, he paid attention to how it was supposed to be put on. He offered to come help me out whenever I needed. He made that offer with a wink, of course.
Nate had pretty much made himself scarce. The only time I saw him was when he cut the grass. I would spend the whole time in my room sitting by the window watching him. I felt like a creeper. I was hurt by the distance. Each time I watched him, even for a short time, made me realize how much I missed him. How much my body craved his touch and how much I longed to hear his voice.
A few times I saw him look up towards the back door. It made my heart flutter the tiniest amount. I wondered if he was waiting or hoping for me to come out with the excuse of bringing him a cold drink. But I didn’t. I stayed hidden, believing that if he ached to see me, then he would. All he had to do was knock and that very door he kept looking at. I started to give into the idea that our talk was never going to happen. That he didn’t want me to be part of his life anymore. Which cut me like a knife to the core.
I curled up on my bed feeling alone and unwanted. I felt tainted and dirty. The kind of filth you couldn’t wash off in the shower. Every day it became harder for me to breathe. And every day the vivid visions of what happened replayed more in my head.
The only reason I was able to sleep at first was that the pain medication they gave me made me drowsy. I hated taking it but I hated being awake more. I had taken the last one days ago and even though I spent most of my time in bed, sleep never came to me. Chris and Brand had both tried multiple times to get me to come out of my room. I only left to go to the bathroom. Nan brought me food after she gave up on me coming down to get it. Most of the time it sat there uneaten. It was the same as before, but this time the nightmare was much worse.
Chris came over to see me often and Brand always seemed to be hanging around. Brand spent more nights than I could count sleeping in that uncomfortable chair. I suspected when he wasn’t in my room that he was downstairs on the couch. It was nice to know I had someone there. But if I had to be honest, I wished it was someone else. Not that I wasn’t grateful. Brand always knew how to make me smile and laugh, something that was becoming harder to do.
One day, I woke to a ruckus coming from downstairs. As I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, the sounds of heavy boots trampling up the stairs drew my attention. It was a heard of damn bikers. I knew it, even before they barged in my room. Brand walked in first, carrying a stack of pizza boxes and I had a feeling they would be empty by the end of the night. Those boys knew how to put away food. Bocca strolled in carrying a bunch of bags in each hand. He flashed me a bright smile as he emptied the contents in front of me. Mounds of candy now covered the bottom half of my bed. Diesel walked in holding drinks, followed by Axe and Jessica. The closeness of Axe and Jessica made me wonder if they were together. I’d heard enough about their relationship from the guys that I felt good about my assumption.
To my surprise, I was smiling. Brand pulled, what I had started calling his chair, over beside the bed next to me. He filled a paper plate with two greasy slices of cheese pizza and handed it to me.
“Ahhh! I’m here!” Chris came crashing into the room carrying a stack of movies. I laughed and shook my head. “So what’ll it be?” He spread out the movies in front of me. I rolled my eyes seeing that half of them were girly movies. I thought long and hard about how fun it would be to torture the guys with one.
“This one,” Brand said picking up one and tossing it at Chris before I had a chance to make up my mind.
Brand shot me a knowing wink. It was the new romantic comedy that, believe it or not, I had wanted to see. I vaguely remembered having a conversation about it at the bar. I guessed Brand was listening after all. Diesel and Axe groaned and Jessica hopped up and down like an excited little bunny as she clapped her hands. Her huge boobs threatened to bounce right out of her top. That had me tossing my head back with a hearty laugh. And, damn, it felt good.
I looked over at Brand to see him smiling at me. It was a tender smile, almost like he wasn’t all that aware he was doing it. I turned my attention back to the TV as Chris got the movie started.
I ate my two slices but didn’t go back for more. Everyone was scattered around the room. Jessica and Axe were tucked in the corner with a bunch of pillows, confirming my suspicions. I was just glad they were keeping it PG. Chris was on the bed next to me. Diesel and Bocca were sprawled out on the floor on either side of the bed.
The credits rolled and Axe declared he was picking the next one. Some action movie with a lot of explosions I guessed. Sure enough, I was right. I settled in a little more. Candy was thrown around. Brand opened a giant back of peanut butter M&M’s, my favorite. He kept leaning forward to share the bag with me. After the fourth lean, I rolled my eyes at him. I scooted over closer to Chris and patted the empty space next to me. Glad the bed was king sized and could fit all of us. Brand took in a slow breath before he moved over. Not going to lie, being snuggled in between two sexy men was nice and comforting.
The night left me feeling good inside. I hadn’t been that happy and relaxed in a long time. These were good guys, even if they could be super scary at times. Who thought that it would be motorcycle club guys to come to my rescue? I wasn’t about to complain though.
My eyes grew heavy and my head sagged against Brand’s shoulder. He stealthily moved his arm up so I could rest on his more comfortable chest. I wanted to stay awake and enjoy this wonderful night but my body had other plans. Minutes, or it could’ve been seconds, later I was out.
I woke up the sun blazing behind my closed lids. I tried to roll over not wanting to face the day quite yet, but I was stuck. I moved my free arm around realizing that I was pinned between two hard walls of backs. I cracked an eye open and saw the back of Brand’s head a breath away from me. Lifting my head I surveyed the rest of the bed and room. Chris curled up on the other side of me, our butts pressed together. I stifled a giggle. Diesel and Bocca were sprawled out on the floor. Bocca was snoring lowly. I looked over to the corner where I had last seen Axe and Jessica, not surprised to find it empty. I dropped my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes. Even though I was pretty much stuck, I enjoyed the feeling. Without putting too much thought in what I was doing, I nuzzled my nose into the back of Brand’s neck. The bare skin right above the collar of his t-shirt was warm and soft. I felt him stiffen for a second and I wondered if he was awake.
