Page 20 of Loch
“No. That man knew I wasn’t going to let him have his way. So he found a way around that, leaving me no say so in it.” My tone became bitter.
“That manbought you a car because he knew the one you had wasn’t safe for you. In other words, he doesn’t want anything to happen to you. This is the way you need to start looking at things, Reagan.” I sighed at her.
“I won’t ever lose myself in a relationship. I refuse to change and be a completely different person. I will never be…” I stopped myself. Sure, it was true and it was my mother that I was talking about, but I also had to remember that she was Nan’s daughter.
“Your mother,” she said for me. The look on her face was a mix of emotions. She sat back a little and relaxed into the cushions. “I know you’ve had it rough, and I blame myself for a lot of that. After your grandfather left me, God rest his soul, I may not have set the best example. But I always put her first. I kept most of it out of the house and away from her. I went to every dance recital and school play. Hell, I even went to most of the PTA meeting and baked cookies and shit.” I huffed out a laugh.
The image she was painting of my mother’s childhood seemed strange to me. My mother never talked that much about what it was like for her growing up. Hell, we never really talked about anything. I learned about most things on my own. I had to figure out sex on my own. And at fifteen with an inexperienced Jimmy Nelson in his parents’ basement, it was a horrible first lesson. I had to teach myself that drugs were not a good thing and to drink in moderation. I had to learn to always be aware of my surroundings and to keep my guard up. I basically had to teach myselflife.
“Is it horrible that I don’t even miss her?” My voice was barely above a whisper. I should have felt guilty about saying that. But it was the truth. She had been a sad excuse for a parent. At the end of the day, I had to remind myself that she was my mom. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for her. Although, there were many days when I debated if that was such a good thing.
“No. Some days I have the same thought. She left me long ago and never gave a second look back. Why should I waste my love on someone who doesn’t want it?” Nan said looking off into the distance. “I still wonder if there weren’t things I could have done differently. Better.”
“Nan, you couldn’t have…” I grabbed her hand and gave it a firm squeeze.
“Can’t change the past. Only can enjoy the present and try your best to hope for the future.” I gave a silent nod of agreement. “And by enjoy the present, I meanenjoyit.” She winked at me. Crazy Nan was back.
“Okay. Okay. I get what you’re saying.” I rolled my eyes at her. I wondered what sex was like at her age. I wondered if it was the same old or if it changed somehow through the years. I was about to ask her, then I remembered she was my grandmother and I grimaced.
“That boy there is meant to be enjoyed. You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.” She looked at me pointedly. I blushed and closed my eyes.
“There will be no enjoying of anything in any way with him.” I knew she could see right through me.
“He bought me a car,” I grumbled.
“He bought you a car,” she said in a happier tone.
“He didn’t give me a choice.” I pointed out again.
“He’s keeping you safe. He doesn’t seethatas an option.” She pinned me with a hard look like I should have seen it that way the whole time. I rolled my eyes again and flopped sideways on the couch.
“Pull yourself together. You’ve got work later and I need to go get my hair done for my date tonight.” She patted my leg then got up.
“Date? Do I even want to know?” I asked, regretting it as soon as it left my mouth. Luckily, she didn’t say anything else. She only flashed me a mischievous grin and headed into the kitchen.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Loch
I knew Reagan would be pissed, but I had no idea that woman had a fight in her like that. It was almost amazing. Hot as hell too. Then something in her broke and I saw it. I had pushed too far and now I had no idea how to fix it. I didn’t think there was a way to come back from this.
I tried to shake the whole thing off as I rode to the clubhouse. I needed to clear my mind. I had things to take care of. I walked in and waited for my eyes to adjust to the low light before I made my way back to Cal’s office and knocked.
“Yeah,” he said with a grunt. I pushed the door open, then took a seat on the other side of his desk.
“Sounds like the boys had a good weekend,” he said with a knowing smile. I nodded, not particularly in the mood to talk about it. I didn’t want to let on that it wasn’t as fun for me. “So, to it then?”
“When’s the next run?” I asked trying to steer the conversation in a different direction.
“Two weeks. Gonna send you out. Leave Wednesday, drive down, stay at that place right on the edge of town. They want you at the docks at seven a.m. then you head back. South Carolina boys will be here Saturday to pick up. Figured we should store it at the model home this time.” I nod.
“We should talk about patchin’ Brandon in before this run. Make this his first official one,” I said, knowing he was going to get everyone’s vote.
“My thoughts exactly. Then we’ll throw a party. Hell, think all of us could use that.” He clapped his meaty hands together in excitement. The sound was piercing in the small, quiet space. “How is everythin’ else?”
“Town’s good. Things have been quiet. No one seems to need anythin’ lately,” I answered. “Think we should think about what is next for us. Strip club won’t work so well around here. Things are growin’ but not quite that much.” I huff out a laugh and Cal smiled and gave a short nod.
We both thought that small steps were the best. The garage was a much-needed addition and had been doing well, almost too well. It was pulling in its own money and giving some of the brothers something to do.
