Page 19 of Loch
Then came the anger. Fire, hot lava, melt your face off anger. Angry that he tricked me. Pissed as hell that he went behind my back and got me a new car. Fucking seething through to the bone that he had used his charm to fool me. And I had let him. Without a second thought.
“Rea,” he said, his tone almost worried.
“Don’t!” I screamed, holding my finger up as if daring him to say another word. I ripped the helmet off my head and shoved it, hard, at him. Before even making sure that he had a hold on it, I stormed off across the yard.
I got halfway to Nan’s front door when I spun around. My face was hot and I felt like I was going to explode. He was still sitting on his bike. His shoulders slumped forward. His arm rested on the helmet in between his legs. He looked almost defeated like I’d never seen him before. But that didn’t stop me.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?!” I yelled, my voice cracking halfway through. My body was vibrating with anger and frustration.
He jumped off his bike, and within a few lightning fast strides, he was standing in front of me. He was close enough that his addictive scent filled my nose. It was all I could smell. All I could focus on. He towed over me, a breath away from my face. I refused to look up, choosing to keep my eyes locked on a blank spot in the middle of his t-shirt. I knew if I looked into his eyes I would break.
“Give it to me, Rea,” he said, his tone was so calm it pissed me off more. I threw my hands up at his chest and pushed. Nothing, not even a little budge. I pushed harder. “Get pissed at me. Hate me. Yell at me. Get it all out. ‘Cause at the end of all this, you will be driving that car.”
“I. Don’t. Need. Your. Help.” I said through gritted teeth. “I don’t want it. I never wanted it. I never asked for it. I can take care of myself. Who the hell just buys someone a car? Who thinks that is normal?”
I pounded on his chest with closed fists. But could tell I didn’t even hurt him a little bit. He took all that I had to give. He let me get all my rage out without so much as a flinch. For a fraction of a second, I wondered if I was being a bratty bitch, but I couldn’t stop. With one last movement, I slapped him hard across the face. His head whipped to the side no more than an inch and his jaw clenched tight. Right away his cheek turned red and blotchy where my hand connected with his skin.
“I am a person,” I said as I felt the tears sting my eyes. “You can’t just make me do things I don’t want to do. What I want matters.Imatter.” I turned around before the tears started to fall. I didn’t want him to see me cry. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me back around. He bent down and searched in my eyes. For what, I wasn’t sure. I looked back into his and saw a softness I hadn’t seen before, but I couldn’t let it get to me. I ripped my arm out of his grip and walked into the house, not once looking back.
I stomped up to my room and locked myself away for the rest of the night. I was suspicious that Nan at least had an idea about what was going on. I would’ve even gone as far to say that she had a helping hand in it. I cursed myself for not seeing it sooner.
Later that night I got a text from Chris. I perked up, thinking I could vent to him. Then again, I wasn’t completely sure I should. He did, after all, work for Nate. I swiped my phone open and read the message.
Chris: Do I even want to know?!
Me: What?
Chris: Don’t play coy, missy. Boss man is in a mood. He’s talking to Brand right now. It’s kinda funny the crap he’s giving Loch. Never seen Brand so talkative. Hmmm…
Chris: Spill it.
Me: He bought me a car.
Chris: Oh nice! Lucky girl.
Me: No. I’m pissed. Used his alpha male bullshit to take me away and did that shit behind my back.
Chris: Pissed. Got it. Take a bath. Relax. We’ll talk tomorrow.
That was that. He didn’t dig too much and I was glad. I had no doubt that when I saw him next he’d push for more details. I could only hope that I’d feel better then. There was a small pain in my gut when I thought about trash talking Nate. I did my best to push it away because I was still red-hot pissed.
I took his suggestion and ran a bath. As I soaked in the nice hot water and relaxing salts, it all started to fade away. But as soon as I got out it all came flooding back.
I crawled into bed and cried. I was tired of being used. It wasn’t a feeling that anyone should feel comfortable with. While I knew some people thrived on it, I wasn’t one of those. It hurt. A punch to the gut. The same feeling I had the day my mother left me. People only had to deal with me. I was like an unwanted house fly and they found themselves relieved when the damn thing went down or flew back out. I let myself think for a moment that he wanted to be around me. That he wanted my company and actually enjoyed it. I hated feeling like a fool and I hated being tricked. Sure, if he had come out and told me he was buying me a car I would have pushed back with all my might. Somehow, having the option to fight for what I wanted to be taken away shook me to the core. It only solidified the feeling that no one cared about me. Someone not caring about what it was that I wanted only made me question the point of my existence in their life. Or in life in general.
I sighed and willed myself to sleep. It didn’t happen. This time it was Nate that clouded my mind. The strength in trying to remind myself that I hated him. The weakness that, despite my best efforts, I couldn’t. I finally crawled out of bed at daybreak. I walked down to the kitchen hoping I wouldn’t see him at the bar later that night. I knew there was no avoiding Nan. I was sure she was going to have some witty words to go along with the fire I was going to spew at her. I sat down on the couch in the living room with my coffee in hand and found myself getting lost in the angry steam.
By the time Nan came into the living room, I was well past angry and headed deep into self-pity territory. Splash in a lot of embarrassment and stupidity, and that was the party I was throwing myself in my head. I was drained, empty, and hurt. The tears were just the outward evidence of that. Nan looked at me with a silent sad look before she came to sit next to me on the couch. She patted my leg and we sat there in wrapped in a blanket of quietness for a long time.
“I’m so stupid,” I finally said. Maybe it was that I didn’t have any friends to talk to or that I just needed to get it out. Or it could have been that I needed some kind of guidance. Even if it came from a crazy, outgoing old lady.
“No, you’re not, dear.” She turned to face me and looked me in the eyes.
“Yeah, I am. I thought he wanted to spend time with me. Likereallyspend time with me.” I took a calming breath. “But it was all a huge a distraction.”
“You want to know what I think?” she asked in a tone that told me she was going to tell me no matter what. I didn’t reply, I just waited for it. “I think that boy likes you. I think the two of you are just stubborn as fuck and it is only going to get in the way of something that could be good.” I blinked at her. Part of me was thrown that she cussed out loud. Part of me was taking what she said to heart.
