Page 18 of Loch
We ate in silence. She surprised me by eating everything I’d gotten her and even half of my fruit. Which I was happy to give up. A calm washed over her as she popped blueberries in her mouth one at a time. I wondered if it was the fruit or someplace she was at in her mind. After she finished, she scooted a little closer to me and leaned back on her hands. Her leg brushed up against my knee as she crossed her ankles. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees.
“Why here?” she asked after a moment of staring up through the swaying branches. I took in a deep breath, preparing myself to talk about things I hadn’t in a long time. Past memories of happier times.
“My dad used to come out here and help Mr. Martin around the farm. Mostly durin’ the summer, when it was too hot for the old man to get out much. He refused to hire help. Said that his parents did it until he was old enough to take it over for them. He never married and never had children, so eventually the place just…” I scanned the area with my hand out.
“When I was old enough,” I continued, “I would come out here with my dad and help. Long summer days spent in these fields. Mom would always come up mid-day and make us take a break. She would bring us sandwiches and we would all sit under this tree and eat.” I smiled at the memory.
“You were close with your parents?” Her tone was soft. A side I wanted to see more of. I nodded to answer her question.
“When I was seventeen they were killed in a car accident.” My tone flat, as if I was simply stating a fact. Her face changed and I saw sadness for me in her eyes. “It was a long time ago,” I said in an attempt to brush it off. The truth was that when I thought about that day it still stung. I stilled ached for the younger me that had to go through it.
My dad would take my mom to the city once a month. It was their date night. He always tried to make it different. They’d go see movies, eat at new restaurants, or go see a play. Every year he made sure to take her to seeThe Nutcracker.She looked forward to that night the most.
I remembered he said he was taking her to some fancy restaurant. Mom had been dropping hints all week about wanting a good steak, and he knew the exact place he was going to take her. They’d gone there many times over the years. Pretty sure by then they’d each sampled everything on the menu twice over. But she loved it. I knew what she was going to order even before they were on their way. Steak done medium, sour cream and dill mashed potatoes, and sautéed fresh spinach. It was her favorite and she spoke of it often. Dad would order some moderately priced red wine and let her drink most of it, knowing that he would be driving.
It was the last half of my senior year. I was at the top of my class. All around American boy. I didn’t play sports but I went to most of the games; had school and town pride. I was going off to college in the fall. Although, I wasn’t sure what for at the time. My parents had high hopes for me. They wanted me to spread my wings and get out of the small town.
I was stressed out working on my senior project. I still hadn’t nailed down an idea. Thinking back, I couldn’t even recall what it was about. I rushed into the house as my parents were getting ready to leave. I gave each of them a quick hug and kiss before dashing off to my room. If I had known it would have been the last time I saw them, I wouldn’t have brushed off my goodbye so hastily. I wouldn’t have taken those everyday hugs and cheek kisses from my mom for granted. But that’s the thing about life, you never know how it’s going to go.
“Still doesn’t mean it hurts any less.” Her voice was a whisper that floated to me in the breeze and pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Come here,” I demanded, softly. She didn’t move. I didn’t really expect her to. I leaned forward and pulled her into me. I laid back and tucked her into my side. After a moment I felt her relax against me, her head lying over my heart. “Now, sleep.”
She let out a deep sigh. My thumb rubbed absentminded circles on her hip. To my surprise, she nodded off not long after. I lay there for a long time looking up through the branches. There was a peace in watching the way they swayed back and forth in the light breeze.
I must have dozed off myself. A vibrating in my pants pocket jolted me awake. I shifted my head to look at Reagan. She was still sound asleep on me. I smiled and carefully dug my phone out of my pocket. I glanced at the clock before I read the text message. We had been out here for nearly three hours, two of that probably sleeping. I was glad. She needed it.
Brandon: It’s done.
Shoving my phone back in my pocket, I decided to feel her against me for a few more moments. I knew I wouldn’t have another moment like this. I was no good for her. She was too young to be tied down by an old man like me. Finally giving in that we needed to get going, I gave her a genital shake.
“Rea,” I said in a low tone. “Reagan, time to get up, babe.”
She stirred beside me, pulling herself from her groggy state. A low, sad moan escaped her before she let out a long sigh. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Maybe it was the sleep, or the sun and fresh air, but she looked a little better. And as much as I wanted to do more, I knew I had to keep her at arm’s length.
“Well, that was nice. Thanks,” she said then gave me a coy smile.
“Yep.” I stood up and reached for her hand. She took it then helped me pack up everything. I led her through the woods and back to my bike. Her hand in mine as we weaved in and out of the trees.
The ride home was calming and silent. But to me, there was an edge to it, like the calm before the storm. She relaxed into me, arms low around my waist, body moving in sync with mine. And for just a few moments, I let myself enjoy the feeling of her against me.
CHAPTER TEN
Reagan
The afternoon had been weird and oddly nice. I didn’t know what to expect when Nate came in and demanded me on the back of his bike. I certainly didn’t expect to end up under a tree in a vacant field. And I definitely didn’t expect there to be a blanket and food. It almost felt like a date. My stomach clenched with nervousness at the thought. Even though deep down I knew better. There was no way Nate was taking me on a romantic date out of the blue. I would have said that it had something more to do with pity. Still, it was nice.
It made my heart flutter that he opened up to me and shared a special place with me. Even if he did shut down when we were leaving, I took pride in small victories. It was a little shocking how similar our stories were. We both were pretty much on our own at a young age. True, his parents died while my mom was most likely still alive somewhere out there. But I could tell it was something that changed both of us; made us into who we were.
Nate the boy sounded very different from Nate the man. My mind drifted, wondering what a seventeen-year-old Nate was like. I had a feeling that if his parents hadn’t left him at such a young age his life would have been very different. I imagined he wouldn’t be suck in this small town. He wouldn’t be part of a biker gang. And he wouldn’t be doing shady things. Not that I had proof of that last one, but I had an idea that the Steel Paragons were not completely on the up and up. I imagined that being left in the world with no guidance he sought out somewhere he could belong. Maybe he saw it as the best option. Or maybe it was something as simple as him wanting something to call a family again.
I was shocked how easily I fell asleep and how quickly I was dead to the world. I don’t know how long he let me lay there, but I felt much better once I got up. I was thankful and felt like it was some sort of breakthrough. Like he actually wanted to spend some time with me.
We pulled into his driveway and he helped me off. I looked at him and smiled. A real, genuine smile.
But then I saw it. Or rather didn’t. As I looked across Nan’s yard and into the driveway I noticed my car was gone. Not there. Just up and disappeared, gone. In its place was pretty much the same car, only not as ancient. And when I say not as old, I mean like in this decade. I would have put it at three years at most.
At first, I was sad and let down. Disappointed that what we’d shared wasn’t real. I quickly stomped that down and embarrassment took over. I thought he actually wanted to spend time with me. I thought maybe some part of him cared about me. How had I gotten it so wrong? How did I let myself get carried away?
