Page 36 of Witch Upon a Star
My heart skipped a beat at his attempt at humor, but then, I’d already established that I had a very stupid, stupid heart. “It’s not that,” I tried to assure him. “I don’t judge you for your history.”
He ran his fingers around my ear, like he would if he was tucking my hair back. “I know you said you didn’t save yourself for me, but if I’d known you existed, that I would feel this way about you, I would have saved myself for you.”
Yup, there went my heart again. “I’m not jealous or anything.” I winced, because that made me soundexactlylike a jealous girlfriend. “Fine,” I made a face. “I’m jealous alittle. But only because she,they,” I corrected, “got to experience time with you that I haven’t yet.”
Starbucks took my face between his hands. I loved when he did this. He was so gentle, like he was holding something precious, and yet firm, asserting his dominance. “I need you to listen to me very carefully, Calliope. I don’t fall for women.” He shrugged carelessly. “It’s not who I am. I’ve fucked. I like sex, and,” he added with a coy smile, “I’m verygoodat sex. But everyone knows the score. There’s no feelings, no intimacy. We both get off and then go our separate ways. There was nothingspecialabout it.”
I tried to pull away from him, but he held tight. “I don’t know what the point of you telling me this is, but it’s not making me feel any better.”
He got right up in my face, his nose and mine nearly touching. “You’re not listening to me, Winnie.There was nothing special about it,” he repeated forcefully.
I stopped struggling, taking in the double meaning of his words.
He nodded as if he could see the lightbulb turn on above my head. “I have experienced more intimacy with you in the past twenty-four hours than I ever have with the countless women I’ve been with. I’ve joked with you, talked with you,heldyou, in ways I’ve never done with them. You and I, we’ve barely begun, and I have already done things with you that I never would with them.You, my dear Calliope, have left your mark on me in ways no one else has—or ever could.”
I stared into his coffee-colored eyes. They were so intense, earnest. He truly believed everything he was saying, and it made me feel elated and guilt-ridden at the same time. He was being entirely honest with me, no hiding or dodging his past, and yet I had not been honest with him. I’d unintentionally started our future off with a lie.
I touched the flat of my hand to his chest. He was wearing a black, long-sleeve Henley under his cut. The shirtwas so tight across his broad chest that I was impressed that the buttons were holding.
“I told you about the vision I had of us in the future. The reason I believed we weren’t supposed to be dating now, but two years from now. I also told you that I shouldn’t have bid on your auction. That I was wrong to do so. But I didn’t tell youwhy.”
Starbucks moved his right hand from my face to place it over my hand on his chest. “Tell me now.”
He was so calm, so trusting. Like he believed I could do no wrong. What if he thought my actions too interfering? What if he got up and walked away from me now, and it took him two years to forgive me? Or worse, got up, walked away, andneverlooked at me again?
Despite that neither of us were on our phones, I heard theswoopof a text message being sent as he squeezed my hand on his chest. “Whatever it is,” he said steadily, “it changes nothing.”
I wished I wasn’t so nervous, but also knew that I needed to get this off my chest. Beyond anything else, he deserved to know what would have happened if I hadn’t won his auction. “I had no intention of bidding on you. I went there to speak with Dosia, to clear the air between the two of us.” I paused, but he sat there, waiting patiently. “The women started to bid on you. I’d been trying to distract myself with JJ. I knew that it would be painful to see you—it always was, especially when you were with other women. Butnotseeing you was always worse.” I let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Gods, that makes me sound like such a stalker.”
“You think I hadn’t figured out you’ve been watching me for the past three years?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
My blush deepened. “I’ve found I have little self-control when it comes to you.”
The hand that was still on my face swiped his thumb across my cheekbone. “Ditto.”
I chuckled, appreciating how he helped to lighten the mood. I felt less like there was an axe hanging over my head, waiting for the king’s permission to swing.
“At the fair that day, I had a vision. It was of her,” I nodded my head towards the blonde woman at the bar. “Kora. She was standing in a bathroom on the phone, telling someone she was pregnant with your baby. Or,” I paused before rushing on, “I’m assuming it was your baby because of the timing and the fact that I’ve never had such a strong vision about a stranger before, except with you. The vision tasted sour, which usually means manipulation or ill intentions. Looking at her from where I was seated in the back of the crowd, I could tell she wasn’t pregnant then. I drew the conclusion that, if she won your auction bid, that she’d have gotten pregnant by you on your date. Without your consent. And I… I couldn’t let that happen. So I outbid her and everyone else, winning your date.”
By the time I finished, my eyes were cast downward. Shame washed over me. Despite that I’d already told this story to my parents, it felt more dishonorable now. After several long minutes, I realized he hadn’t replied.
Curious, I looked up to see him staring down at me. He didn’t appear angry, which I found very confusing and unexpected. I’d just told him I’d interfered with his future, and he wasn’t upset?
As heartbreaking as it would have been, what if he was destined to have another child with another woman? What ifmy dad was right, and I’d prevented that baby from not only being created, but also being born? Did that make me a murderer?
The waitress came with our meals, but still Starbucks did not look away from me. She just stood there awkwardly for a moment before putting the plates down and scurrying away. Her name tag said her name was Grace, and I felt bad for our rudeness. If Starbucks didn’t leave a generous tip, I would.
“Let me get this straight,” he finally said. He was still holding my hand on his chest and my face, but I wasn’t sure if that was out of shock or if he’d forgotten to move them. “You think Kora was going to trick me into getting her pregnant?”
I opened my mouth, and then immediately closed it again. Shit, I had to be entirely honest with him or I would be just as manipulative. “I don’t know if the vision tasted sour because of her intentions or,” I hesitated, “because of my own reaction to finding out that another woman was pregnant with your baby.”
“Well, I hadnointention of getting her or any other woman pregnant, so it would have to be by trickery or failed birth control.”
My vision changed in a flash. One second I was sitting in the booth with Starbucks at the club’s bar and the next I was standing in front of that same bathroom mirror. Through Kora’s eyes, I saw myself holding up a packet of birth control pills in front of my face. Despite it being the end of the month, it was nearly a full sleeve. I’d never used birth control before, so I wasn’t an expert, but I would assume that by the end of the month, the packet would be nearly empty or just having the placebo pills in it.
Another blink and I was back with Starbucks in the bar.It happened so fast that I wasn’t sure he would have even noticed my skipping out on the present.
“Her birth control pills. She hasn’t been taking them,” I informed him.
