Page 64 of Fraternizing with the Enemy
Thankfully, we didn’t stick around long. Connor didn’t end up coming back for us, and didn’t answer Jade’s texts. Alex volunteered to drive us home eagerly, even going as far as to say it’d be an honor to have people from the Top Tier in his truck.
Alex hurried to hold the door of the diner open, and Jade and Kyle waltzed out first.
My feet, on their own, seemed to slow down. It felt wrong to leave Wallflower without getting to speak to Logan at least once, but there was absolutely no way. I had to settle with one last glancing look over my shoulder, and it had to be enough.
The two other football players were in the process of devouring their burgers, but Logan’s eyes were already on me when I turned, a fry between his fingers. He didn’t smile. Our gazes merely locked, and in that half a second of contact, there was nothing but lingering longing. From both sides.
What would it be like if things were different? If he wasn’t a Bulldog, and Iwasn’t a Bobcat, and if neither of us had expectations to live up to?What if I could be with him?
And then I stepped out into the cool air, goosebumps lining my arms.
Alex stopped in front of a beaten-up truck, and when he turned, his expression was tense. “Three-seater,” Alex said awkwardly, glancing around our group. The four of us.
“I’mnotsitting in the middle,” Kyle said, not even pretending to be chivalrous. He walked around Alex and popped open the passenger side door, staring at Jade and I over the hood, even though it was crystal clear who would be joining him.
And it wasn’t me.
Jade pivoted to me, raising her eyebrows. “You can call your mom, can’t you? She’s probably still on her way back from the game or something. It shouldn’t take her long.”
“You’re leaving me here.” The sentence didn’t come out as a question, and the realization settled over me thickly. “My—my jacket’s in Connor’s car?—”
“I’ll get it to you Monday,” she said, not understanding what I meant. She was going to strand me here, leave me with no jacket and no ride home. Jade grabbed my hand and leaned in, her words whispering in my ear. “You can ogle until your mom comes. I give you permission this once. Think of it as my apology for putting you on the list.”
A light of understanding flicked on within me.I give you permission. Jade had said it before, but today, it settled on me in a different way. “I can’t do anything without your permission,” I murmured, staring into her dark eyes.
“And you have it,” she said with a playful scrunch of her nose, not realizing dominoes were toppling over in my mind. “But make sure not to end up on Babble, got it?”
The three of them climbed into Alex’s truck without hesitation, and I took a few steps back to give him room to reverse. I stood there as Alex’s taillights turned out of Wallflower’s parking lot and began fading down the street, a buzzing sound building in my ears.
Who was I more upset with? Connor, for leaving with my varsity jacket? Jade, for ditching me at the diner? Logan, for showing up and getting to witness it all?
Or myself, for not putting my foot down earlier?
I give you permission.
Something inside me snapped then. I was a blue and gold rubber band pulled to its max, with no more stretch to give. I could almost feel it, the pressure wound so tightly that the recoil flinched through me, but instead of pain, there was only a rush of heat. It swamped me like a fever, roaring through my veins that it chased away any hint of chill from the night.
The conversation from earlier came back to me like a whisper.
“It’s like everyone’s mutinying,”Jade had said, shaking her head in confusion as she did.
My reply had been defensive.“I’m not mutinying.”
“You almost did, with the whole Logan thing, but you didn’t even waver.”
I hadn’t even wavered. I hadn’t wavered.
I’d wanted this with Logan so badly, but I hadn’t even wavered.
I give you permission.
Something heavy eased over my shoulders, brushing against the bare skin of my arms. I looked up to find Logan slipping his varsity jacket over my frame. He avoided eye contact as he did so, fingers gently slipping the fabric to settle over me wholly. Equally as gently, he slipped his hand underneath my ponytail, easing it out from underneath the collar.
Worlds different from Kyle, who tugged on my hair because it was funny. Worlds different from Jade, who left me out in the cold without a jacket. Worlds different from Alex, who ditched his girlfriend for a taste of popularity. Worlds different from anyone else I’d ever met.
“My friends can’t see us from here,” Logan said, as if that was where my mind was. “They’re not facing this window.”
Logan finally looked at me, and his expression was so soft. His eyes, as blue as could be, were framed by his beautifully dark lashes, and his eyebrows were drawn together. I lingered in that embrace of the blue, seeing myself in their reflection. I was small, swamped by the delicious scent and soft fabric of his jacket. I couldn’t see the blue and gold cheer uniform. All I could see was the Bulldogs’ emblem.
