Page 142 of Fraternizing with the Enemy
I didn’t even have to think about it. “Yes.”
“Then there’s nothing wrong with letting him do a little shaping. If you feel like you’re changing for the better, why is that a bad thing?” Maisie shook the goose foot. “And it’s okay to not knowexactlywho you are, Mads. I don’t. Rachel and Ava don’t. Heck, I don’t know a single person whodoesknow who they are one hundred percent. But while you’re finding out, you keep good people close to you to be a good influence.”
I’d forgotten just howwise Maisie was. She’d always been this way, even from elementary school. I lifted my eyes to hers. “Like you?”
She gave a little shrug. “Not trying to brag, but…”
I lightly swatted her, and we both laughed.
“You know more about yourself than you think,” she said. “You know you don’t want to hurt people. You know that you want to be a kind person. And you know you like Logan.”
Logan. Even just his name caused a wave of unease to roll over me. “I don’t know how to go back,” I told her, the grin sliding off my face once more. “He went through so much because of me.”
“Because ofJade.”
“But she did it because of me.” Because I’d been voted co-captain. It all stemmed back to me. “And we were only together because of her.”
Maisie looked confused. “And?”
I blinked. “What do you mean,and?”
“Jade has such a good way of getting into your head, Madison. It’s kind of scary.” Maisie stared straight at me. “Who cares if you’re together because of her? That’d be, like, the one good thing she’s ever done.”
“Not if it hurt him in the process.”
“Yeah, but you two genuinely liked each other in the end. That’s a decent consolation prize.” Then she shook her head. “That sounded terrible. But you have to decide whether or not you want to be with Logan because of howyoufeel. Not because you’re afraid of what the kids at school will think, not because you’re worried about Logan’s hurt feelings—which may or may not exist, by the way—and definitely not because of Jade Dyer. If you let her make your mind up for you, you’re still giving her power.”
Maisie’s words were like a tickle inside me, trying to wake something up. I wanted to believe her, but the weighted blanket that’d covered me these past few days was still too heavy to fully shake off. I squeezed my goose tighter. “I just feel bad about it all.”
“Then you apologize and strive to do better.” Maisie gave her shoulders a bob. “That’s all you can do. You can’t stop and let everything you regret eat you alive. You have to keep going, and just decide to do it better next time.” She paused, tone softening. “And you know, you don’t have to figure it all out today. Or on your own. You know Ms. Murphy, the school counselor? She’d probablyloveto see you in her office tomorrow.”
A laugh punched out of me, more of an exhale than a chuckle, but my lips still curved for a moment before falling again. The bits of humor she worked in did worlds to lift my spirits, but it was only a second before another wave of darkness came in—one that’d been hanging over my shoulder for the past four years. I’d tried running from it, shoving it down, but here it was, finally at the surface for one final time.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, and even though I didn’t want to look at Maisie, I forced my gaze up. Shame sank its teeth into me, and I wanted nothing more than to flee back underneath my duvet, but these words were long, long overdue. “For hurting you freshman year.”
Maisie’s lips parted, and she sucked in a breath as if to speak, but she didn’t. Not for a moment. She blinked as the apology hit her, looking somewhat surprised. “Thank you.”
“I should’ve apologized years ago. I shouldn’t have pushed the blame onto anyone but myself.” Tears filled my eyes. “I’m really,really sorry.”
“And I’m sorry I didn’t fight for you,” Maisie replied. “I always knew how bad of an influence Jade was. I always knew she put you up to it. I should’ve fought for you—for our friendship.”
I sucked in a sharp breath, and now, her words did more than tickle—they shattered something inside me. My watery eyes pooled over then, and Maisie and I seemed to reach for each other at the same time. Despite having grown since our last hug, we fit together just as we used to, holding on. She smelled like strawberries and ink andMaisie, and equally as comforting as her arms around me. Jade’s perfume had always been choking, headache-inducing, but the scent of Maisie was like the scent of home.
We held each other while I cried—and I would’ve sworn I heard Maisie sniffle once or twice—but it wasn’t long before there was another knock at my door, this one harder. “How’s it going?” Mom’s voice was tentative, as if afraid to actually peek in.
I turned to find her barely in the doorway, the hope clear on her face. “I think we’re making progress.”
“I might’ve made chocolate chip cookies,” Mom said a little awkwardly. “If you think they’d help?”
“Well, they definitely wouldn’t hurt.” Maisie stood up from the bed, discreetly swiping at her damp cheeks, but I caught her. She cleared her throat, playing unaffected. “But you have to get out of bed and come get them, Madison. Before I eat them all.”
I laughed as Maisie hurried out into the hallway, getting first dibs on the cookies in the kitchen, but Mom lingered behind. I swung my legs over my bed, stood, and walked over to her. “Thanks, Mom.” I wrapped an arm around her in a hug.
“You didn’t want to talk to me,” Mom murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “Maisie was the only one I could think of.”
I gave a small smile. “Maisie was the only one I would’ve talked to.”
“So that was the right parent move?”
