Page 140 of Fraternizing with the Enemy
All of it traced back to the fact that Jade had used him like bait that she’d dangled in front of me. And I’d never realized. Those moments where his expression would change, and he’d suddenly lookdifferent—I’d never realized that was his guilt shining through. The pain of being forced to do something he felt was wrong.
Every laugh we shared, every touch, every kiss—he’d been suffering in silence, and I’d been too busy falling for him to notice.
Logan’s palms slowly slid from my cheeks, falling empty to his sides. He let out a breath that seemed to rattle, visibly puffing in the cold air. “Madison,” he murmured, the two syllables cracking in between, but that was all. He had to have known there was nothing else he could’ve said. The look in his eyes was like I’d gutted him open, but it was a necessary evil.
I lowered my gaze for the last time, shrugging off his jacket. The air bit into my bare shoulders as I offered it out to him. “I’m sorry,” I told him, surprised by how flat my voice sounded. It wasn’t shaky or choked or broken. “I just… can't.”
For a long moment, Logan remained motionless. The silence between us stretched, heavy as lead. I thought maybe he would’ve fought me further, argued, forced me to see sense. But he didn’t. Logan just stood there, breathing hard.
And then he took his jacket. “Hop in,” he said quietly. “I’ll give you a ride home. We—we don’t have to talk, but I’d?—”
“I’ll walk.” I couldn’t get back into his car, not after the way I’d felt the last time I’d been in it. Not even two hours ago, I’d leaned across the console and kissed him. And now I’d never kiss him again. “Drive safe.”
And then I turned and walked away. My shoulders were stiff and frozen, and my legs wobbled with each step, but I continued down the dark road, further from Logan’s headlights. I felt even worse as I walked, though, like there was a rubber band inside me stretching to itsmax.You’re nothing. You’ll never know who you are until someone tells you.
After a long beat, I heard Logan’s car door shut, and could hear the gears as he shifted into Drive.
But Logan never drove past me. He didn’t turn around, either. Even as I walked away, his headlights followed me all the way home.
Ididn’t leave my room.
Not even as Saturday passed into Sunday.
Not even as Sunday passed into Monday.
And not even as Monday passed into Tuesday.
Time bled together in a haze of gray light and shadow. My phone sat dead in my homecoming clutch Mom had gotten from Maisie on my desk, messages unopened, calls ignored. The world beyond my door continued spinning, but I didn’t belong there anymore—not really. Every corner of my room felt smaller, the walls pressing closer, reminding me of the weight I couldn’t shrug off.
Jade had laid on this bed. Jade had done my makeup at my vanity. And all of those times, she’d been secretly plotting my downfall. I’d been a pawn in her game all along, kept around while useful, discarded when not. How long had she hated me? Ever since I’d been elected co-captain? Since we met?
But if those thoughts tipped my world one way, there were plenty of others that tipped it in the other direction.You’ll never know who you are until someone tells you.
Was that true? Was my personality borrowed fromwhoever I attached myself to? Was that why I’d been so quickly able to move past the Peak in High School label, because once I got Logan’s approval, that was all I’d needed?
And then—tipped back the other way.Logan.
I lay limp in my bed, clutching my goose to my chest as though its warmth could keep me from floating into the void of my own self-doubt. Every heartbeat thudded with guilt—for Logan, for the people I’d hurt, for myself.
I’d even tucked the fire-breathing dragon in my drawer. I didn’t deserve even its gaze. I shouldn’t have been holding the goose, but its flimsy body was the only thing that kept me together.
There was a soft knock on my bedroom door, and it was so faint that I almost passed it off as something else entirely. Until the door opened.
“I’ve been in your bedroom more times in the past week than I have been in the past four years,” the voice said, and I jerked my covers off my face. “Crazy, right?”
Maisie stood in the doorway of my bedroom, her socked feet hesitating on the threshold. Her gaze lifted around every surfaceexceptfor my bed, as if she was afraid of looking at me. “What are you doing here?” I asked, suddenly so totally self-conscious of how horrible I must’ve looked. I hadn’t brushed my hair in days. And when was the last time I’d brushed my teeth?
She took a hand out from behind her back, and there were a few papers in her grip. “Mrs. Greer asked me to drop off your homework.”
“Why didn’t she just give it to my mom?”
Her eyes darted to the side. “Uh, yeah. Weird, right?”
“Why didn’tyoujust give it to my mom?” I raised an eyebrow. “She let you in, didn’t she?”
Maisie pursed her lips, still not looking at me. “Sue me for being concerned, I guess.”
A small breath escaped me, a strange tingling blooming in my stomach. It was the first semi-positive sensation I’d felt in days. “I can’t afford the legal fees.”
