Page 138 of Fraternizing with the Enemy
And Logan… Logan was caught in the middle of my mess. Not just a casualty of Jade’s cruelty, but a casualty of my own silence and selfishness. I’d been pulling away from her, okay with the thought of letting her go, because I had Logan. I had someone else I could grab onto, someone else who made me feel good about myself.
I could still see Logan hesitating the day I proposed exposure therapy, his eyes bouncing back and forth.It’s… not a good idea, Madison.Logan, someone whose life motto wasI can handle it. And I’d just added to the weight he had to carry.
I just hurt him. Like I did with everyone. All because I was too selfish to look closer.
“It’ll be lonely,” I found myself saying, but my voice was strange. The words were empty and hollow, like Jade had reached inside and scooped every ounce of life out. “At the top with no one to share it with.”
I could see Riley over Jade’s shoulder, and could see the way her anxious gaze flicked to Jade. She was waiting for Jade to sayI have Riley.I knew it. The Queen Bee, though, barely batted an eye. “We’ll see,” Jade murmured. She reached out and ripped the plastic crown from my head, tugging a few strands of my hair along with it. I didn’t even flinch. “Won’t we?”
And then Jade snapped my homecoming queen crown in half.
The world had blurred after Jade left the bathroom, and even the sound had morphed into one loud buzz that rang in my ears. I didn’t remember leaving the bathroom, and whether or not there’d been people standing outside, demanding answers as they had on the dancefloor. I didn’t remember if I’d run into Maisie again, or my mother, or anyone else.
I just remembered walking, walking, walking, completely and totally lost in the nightmare of my thoughts.
Everyone at school knew everything—even things that weren’t true. Come Monday, Chelsea would kick me from the squad, the Top Tier would kick me from the table, and I’d be lucky if even the freshmen would eat their lunch with me. Treason was unforgivable, and instead of easing the student body into the idea of a Bobcat dating a Bulldog, I’d been shoved straight off into the deep end, left to drown.
I could’ve gotten through that. If that was all that had happened, it would’ve sucked, but I could’ve held my chin high and doggy-paddled on.
You didn’t want him until I told you that you needed him.
I suddenly stumbled. The severity of the trip was enough to jerk me back to focus. My heel had sunk into a patch of grass, nearly snapping off, and it was then that I realized I was walking along the side of a road. I wasn’t sure which one. The side street was dark with no streetlights, and the houses looked ghostly and unfamiliar.
I should’ve been panicked, both at the fact that I was in a place I didn’t recognize and the fact that I’d so totally blacked out on the walk here. The only thing I felt was numb.
Despite not knowing where I was, I continued down the road.
The night air was sharp and cold as I pulled in a low, slow breath, and my stupid homecoming gown did nothing to keep me warm. Not that I felt the cold, though. The dress swished around my legs as I walked, but I barely felt it.
Headlights suddenly swept up behind me, illuminating the long, dark shadow of a girl in front of me. She was something out of a horror movie, and it was another situation I should’ve felt panicked about—some stranger had pulled up in their car behind me—but I couldn’t even bring myself to look over my shoulder.
What is wrong with me?
“Madison!”
The air rushed out of me, caving in my chest.
“Madison!” The voice was closer, louder, and the undercurrent of alarm was undeniable. “Madison, holy crap.”
Something heavy dropped over my shoulders, and a half second later,firm hands turned me around. The dark world blurred, suddenly replaced by light as I found myself face to face with Logan Castle and the intense glare of his headlights almost causing his silhouette to glow. For the briefest second, my eyes latched onto his—the blue was stormy and wrecked—before I dropped my chin.
“You didn’t pick up,” Logan said, readjusting the way his varsity jacket settled over my shoulders. The scent of him on it was too strong. I found myself holding my breath. “I—I’ve been calling you, but you?—”
“I don’t have my phone.” It was like I realized my hands were empty at the same time Logan did. My clutch must’ve still been back at the gym.
“You’re out walking in the dark without your phone?” His voice was more incredulous than anything, but the alarm had worsened. He’d pulled his hands back, and they hung limp at his sides. “Did Jade… talk to you?”
Her name sounded like the slam of a door. Closing. Final.
“What did she tell you?”
Logan didn’t know the full extent of it. He couldn’t have—he hadn’t been at the dance, so he wouldn’t have gotten the paper with the QR code, exposing all my dirty little secrets. The fear in his eyes, though, was bright and sharp, assuming the worst.
I thought about Maisie, the stomach-turning anxiety I’d used to get at the thought of her, and at the thought of my secret getting out. That had to be what Logan was feeling now, like his world was falling off its axis. I wanted to reach out for his hand, to squeeze his fingers in assurance, but I couldn’t.
I should’ve been more concerned about the numb feeling at the center of my chest, but all I could thinkabout was that Logan’s jacket was heavy on my shoulders. Too heavy.
What is wrong with me?
