Page 112 of Fraternizing with the Enemy
“Of course not.” At his sides, his hands opened and closed, unable to hang still. “And since I didn’t let them win, they targeted Noah instead. It’s my fault. All ofthis.”
I still couldn’t see how it related now, but I tried to catch his eye. “You did the right thing, saying no,” I told him. “It’s not your fault they went after Noah.”
“I didn’t tell Noah or the coaches. I thought it’d be fine, since I said no. And if I’d just… just accepted it—fumbled a couple times—maybe none of this…” His voice faltered as he gasped in a breath. “Maybe none of it would’ve happened. None of this would’ve happened.”
“Logan,” I murmured and cut him off, my heart breaking in my chest. It was a physical pain, one that shattered through me. I still wasn’t sure whatthiswas, and how it connected to the picture of us getting posted to Babble, but in that moment, I didn’t care that I couldn’t connect the dots. I only cared about him. “My sweet Logan. Breathe.”
His chest quivered when he tried to take in air, and in that moment, in the low light, he looked so much like a little kid with his own heart broken. I wrapped him up in my arms as if I could tuck him away from all the bad feelings brewing within him. My embrace pinned his arms down, and I focused on crushing his trunk, listening to his frantic heartbeat.
“I’m sorry.” The words trembled out of him. “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. I should’ve told my coach about the bribe, should’ve told Noah, and I should’ve told you about—about what really?—”
“You are taking on too much,” I said to him, squeezing him tight. “Logan, not everything is a weight you have to carry. Not everything isyour fault. You can’t handle everything, even though you want to.” I pressed my ear firmer to his chest. His heartbeat still hadn’t slowed. “You have to lean on others, even just a little.”
A small sound escaped him, like a soft exhale.My sweet Logan, I thought, rubbing my hand down his back, and for the first time, I wasn’t focused on his muscles or his scent or how perfect we fit together. All I was focused on was thinking of how to get through to him.
“Even if Ashton and Kyle broke Noah’s leg because you didn’t take their money, it’s notyour fault. It’s theirs. They’re the ones who did it. They’re the ones to blame. You can’t take on the guilt they refuse to carry.” My brow furrowed, pressure pricking behind my own eyes. “It’s not yours.”
Logan’s breaths came in shaky bursts, but I could feel the tremor in his chest slow as my ear pressed to it. My arms ached from how tightly I held him, but if it meant I could squeeze the panic and urgency from his body, I’d never let go.
A tear slid down my cheek at the thought of the smiley, Golden Retriever of a boy everyone saw, the one who wagged through life carrying so much pain beneath the surface. I couldn’t believe how much I’d missed over these past few weeks, how well he could hold it all in.My sweet, sweet Logan.
I wanted to take every ounce of weight from hisshoulders and carry it for him, but for now, all I could do was this—hold him tightly, listen to his heartbeat, and vow that no matter what, I’d never be the reason he felt this way.
And I’d get to the bottom of it.
If someone had told me at the beginning of my senior year that Homecoming Week would pass by in the blink of an eye and I only participated inone spiritday, I would’ve called them crazy. I was in the Top Tier, after all. Of course I had to participate in every single spirit day. Of course I had to lead Brentwood by example.
But here I was, Thursday morning, walking down the hallways wearing a pink sweater while everyone else was dressed up for Mathlete vs. Athlete Day.
I wondered what Maisie thought of the spirit day.
When I turned the corner heading to my locker, I found Jade leaning up against it with her books hugged to her chest. Her gaze was flat as she stared straight ahead, not caring to soften her RBF as people walked past her.
I tightened my grip on my backpack strap and continued toward her. “Good morning.”
She lifted her head, gaze connecting with mine. She was definitely dressed forAthletes, wearing Connor’s away football jersey, one that was mostly gold with pops of blue. Her white shorts were barely long enough forschool policy, and she had blue and gold pawprints painted on her cheeks. I wondered if she did them herself or if Riley helped her.
“Hey.” Jade’s eyes dropped to my outfit, but she said nothing.
It wasn’t the first time we’d talked since last Friday, but it’d been one of the few times. All the others had happened at cheer practice, where we had to communicate to lead the girls. I found it hard to look at her after Monday—I found it hard to look atanyonein the Top Tier. Even Landon.
I pressed my lips together as I twisted my lock. “Isn’t it crazy homecoming is tomorrow?” I asked her. “Are you coming to school?”
“No,” she said, as if the question was ridiculous. “It’s a half day, anyway, and my hair appointment for the parade is at ten. I’m just skipping.” She paused. “Are you?”
I nodded. “Mom’s letting me take the day off, too.” Being on homecoming court meant that Jade and I had to be ready and beautified for the pep rally at noon, and the parade that followed. “I’m excited to see your dress.”
“You were with me when we picked it out.”
“I know. I’m still excited.”
Before I had a chance to add anything else, she asked, “You’re coming to the party tonight, right?”
“Party?”
Jade seemed to consider something. “Ashton’s have a pre-homecoming party. We’ve been talking about it all week, but you haven’t been at the lunch table.”
“Oh.” I had nothing else to fiddle with, so grabbing my first period textbook, I shut my locker door. “My mom wanted me to stop by the gallery tonight for?—”
