Page 60 of Kings of Lust
‘That’s not what I saw from where I was standing,’ his arrogance was blazing straight at me while I continued to curse the betrayal of my own body.
‘What you saw was a physical reaction to an external stimulus. Body anatomy, no feelings whatsoever.’ I needed to demolish the importance of what happened, in his eyes and also in mine.
‘Nofeelings. Right. People don’t have feelings for murderers. Do they?’
I couldn’t tell if it was a hint of self-pity or disappointment lurking in his voice, but after what I’d learned tonight, he wasn’t a killer in my eyes.
He was the one who avenged an injustice.
The one closing a circle.
And it was time to let him know that. ‘I’m not sure how many others you’ve killed, but if you’re referring to the night of the party, you’re not a murderer. You were just a loyal man seeking justice for his friend. Though I do hope you also found the power to forgive yourself for your fathers’ mistakes. Not that you were the one to blame for them in the first place.’
‘What the fuck do you see in me, Bea?’ He asked, taking a large sip from the bottle as if trying to drown everything that I said into the brownish liqueur.
‘I see a great man. A loyal friend to both Ferris and Cole. But I also see a man incapable of managing his feelings.’
‘The feelings for you?’
‘You don’t have feelings for me.’ My eyes become as cold as my voice while I spoke the words. Maybe it was obsession, an ambition to make me his. But definitely no feelings.
Although the look in his eyes that was replacing any verbal answer was making me doubt my words.
A few more sips went down his throat as if gathering courage for what he had to say. Even though Brax was a man that definitely didn’t lack courage.
I was looking... no, not looking—Staringat the absinthe in his eyes as it was slowly disappearing, letting his sight narrow to watch over me from the depths of his soul. The image frightened me, giving everything a note so real that I was beginning to wonder just who was the man standing in front of me. ‘You think your pussy is so special that I would have risked my life for it?’
His question made something shudder within me. It was making everything insanely real. Like he was admitting to one of my deepest desires. Desires that in our world had no chance of ever becoming true.
The whisky bottle clutched in his hand, got me to believe that it was the drink freeing his tongue. A hallucination of exaggerated emotions, and not by any chance a moment of bravery to disclose what could secretly rest in his heart.
‘I think your need to ownthings, to collect them is so special to you that you would risk your life for them. The need of no one sayingnoto you!’
‘Is that what youneedto believe in order that you can carry through with your end of the deal?’ Such truth in his question.
Yes.
That was what I needed so I could go on.
I thought if I could get him to care even a little, it would make things easier for me. But now, the hints of a confession were making everything a thousand times more complicated.
‘Yes, that’s what I believe.’ I couldn’t let him see the uncertainty in my soul. ‘You wouldn’t have touched me with Ferris and Cole being present if I wasn’t more than just apussyto you.’
‘You really don’t get it, do you? I didn’t do that to embarrass you. Sure, that torment in your eyes turned me on, but I did it so that you would realize Idon’t mind sharing when it comes to Cole or Ferris!It wasn’t a bluff. The punishment was just an excuse. I did it so that you’d understand that you like it, even if you won’t admit it.’
‘Are you done?’ I stood up, preparing to leave.
I wasn’t going to listen to him putting words in my head. My body probably liked it, but my conscience didn’t.
‘No. I’m not fucking done with you, Bea. I don’t know when the fuck I’ll be able to be done with you.’ The anger in his words made me halt and glare straight at his feral expression that was uselessly trying to mask his fear. He was afraid of what he was letting come to light. Afraid, yet unable to stop it.
‘I don’t want anyone else,’ he ghosted the words, sending them to sneak somewhere so deep in my heart that nothing could ever take them away.
‘You’re drunk.’
‘Maybe I am, but that doesn’t mean I’m not telling the truth.’ Keeping the bottle in his hand, he sneaked his arm behind my waist crushing me against him.
‘What are you doing?’ I was startled, worrying about what the impact could have to his wound.
