Page 38 of Kings of Desire
‘Good night,’ my eyes closed under the burden of my thoughts and I managed to drift away.
It was dawn before I knew it, yet this didn’t get me to wake up. It was Ferris’s arms, clenched around me so tightly that I thought they would stop me from breathing. His body was almost curled into a ball surrounding me while he kept mumbling words I couldn’t understand.
He was having a nightmare, one that made it seem impossible for me to wake him up from.
Shivers of cold sweat were rolling down his forehead while a horrific tremble ruled his limbs.
‘Ferris... Ferris...,’ I called him to come back so many times that my voice lost all power ‘Ferris, please!’ I begged, catching him between my arms, wrapping my hands in his hair until his eyes slowly opened ‘It’s ok… It’s ok,’ I murmured keeping his head against my chest until the fearful tremble began losing its intensity.
‘It’s ok,’ I repeated letting my body slip on the mattress until I could face him with fingers still intertwined between his brownish strands.
‘I’m sorry, I...’ he spoke with a hitched breath, resting his forehead against mine, while he fought to chase away the last of his demons. ‘This didn’t happen in so long,’ he whispered, rolling his thumbs over my face as his heartbeat was pumping against me so powerfully that I thought it would escape his chest.
‘It’s over,’ I murmured impossibly close to his lips as the nightmare might have been over but left room for primal magnetism to ignite.
Suddenly it was too hot between the sheets and the pulses of his heart seemed to also have an effect on me as the craziest rhythm was humming in my head.
He was the fucking devil and I was gladly burning in his hell, crashing my lips on his to follow an instinct I never knew was within me.
I should be scared of him. I should be terrified of the thought of even being in the same room as him, but in his presence, my own sanity was slipping away.
It didn’t take long before the role reversed andhiskisses began devouring me, chewing on my lips, causing electric waves to run through my body. I didn’t want to stop, yet I feared that he wouldn’t stop at the same time. A groan of desire throbbed inside his throat as his tongue moved against mine, leaning his body weight on top of me.
Incendiary passion was making my top slowly melt away, button by button until just one was left to hold my pajama shirt together.
I was close to losing myself while drifting far away from my objectives. ‘Ferris, I can’t.’
His kisses didn’t cease completely, but gradually slowed their intensity until his lips finally parted to look at me ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I can’t,’ I mumbled hoping that there would be a way to convince myself of these words.
‘Why not? Is this about money?’
‘No. Jesus... It’s...it’s about me.’ Impossible to explain but at the same time, extremely easy ‘I never did this, ok?’
‘Sleep with a guy you just met?’ He didn’t get the whole picture since my kind was as extinct as the dinosaurs.
‘Any of it,’ I rolled my eyes as explaining it seemed a little absurd. ‘I’d better go. It’s morning.’ I had to leave his place before the madness boiling inside the room would get me to do something that I would later regret.
‘I want you,’ he whispered, letting his gaze dominate my own. ‘Whatever this implies.’
‘Ferris, I can’t sleep with you.’
‘I don’t want you to return to the Pleasure Room. I’ll take care of you.’ That sounded good maybe in any other situation, yet right now, I couldn’t see it as a solution because I wasn’t alone.
‘I can’t do that.’
‘You didn’t let me finish. I only want you to sleep in my bed, whenever I find it necessary.’
‘I can’t do that… You will want more, maybe in a day... Maybe in two. It’s inevitable. And I can’t give you that part of me.’ The truth was that even if I rejected Brax’s offer, it wasn’t completely off the table, no matter how badly I loathed it.
‘I’ll make you a deal. I’ll cover all your expenses, rent, college, you name it, including Sebastian’s treatments. And in return, we will share a bed at night.’
‘I just told you that I can’t-’
‘I am a man, and I know myself. I can’t guarantee hands-off, but I can guarantee that I won’t crossthatline. Not as long as you don’t want me to.’ He seemed sincere, though what I’ve experienced earlier was exactly the thing that was making me decline. The fervor was too surreal, leading to a path of no return.
‘I’m sorry but I can’t be here any longer,’ I sneaked between his arms and jumped out of bed, grabbing the clothes I came dressed in from a chair.
