Page 44 of Tempting the Player
Nathan
The fucking rumour mill is alive with talk about Nicki, me and Kate. The mums in the playground are talking about us and Nicki arriving on the scene - they're careful to quieten when they see me coming, but I've heard enough. Well, true to form, she’s certainly giving them something to talk about.
It’s taken her less than a month to get back to her wild ways. Her earth mother routine didn’t last long. In the last two weeks, she hasn’t picked Lucia up from school once - it’s either been mum or me, sometimes I've had to rearrange jobs that I've got booked in to do the school run, which is making me seem fucking unprofessional at work. I can’t rely on her to do it. She doesn’t work and can’t fucking be on time to pick up our daughter...herdaughter. She’s said she’ll do it for once tonight. She should be home with her now.
I hate doing the school run now because Kate is there. Then again, I love doing the school run now because Kate is there. It hurts and makes me happy in equal amounts. The scale is probably tipped a little more on the hurting side.
She sees me watching her, but she purposely doesn’t look over. I can tell from her body language that she can sense me watching. She gets awkward and nervous. Sometimes, Jess comes over and talks to me and Lucia when she sees us walking to school, but Kate always hangs back – I don’t push it. I'mglad when Jess comes over; I miss the kid. She’s funny - I got attached. I liked the idea of us being one big happy family too much.
Fucked that up good and proper, didn’t I?
I need to get my head out of my arse and get this situation sorted - and I need to do it sooner rather than later. I can’t be with Nicki. I was an absolute idiot to entertain the idea. When she touches my arm or something when she’s talking, I can’t bear it - can’t bear her touch - I don’t want her anywhere near me.
I shiver when I remember the last time I went out. She tried to take advantage of my drunken state and slid into my bed, trying to arouse me. As soon as I knew what she was doing, I jumped out of bed - no amount of alcohol is going to change my mind about the way I feel about her now . . . besides, I belong to someone else.
When I took Nicki back, I did it for Lucia. I thought I was doing the right thing - I put Lucia in front of my own feelings because that's what parents do, or decent parents, anyway. . . Nicki will never fit into that category.
I see Lucia’s face when she doesn’t know I'm watching – she’s sad. She tries to get her mum's attention constantly, but Nicki can never be bothered to give her any time or attention. It fucking kills me to watch. Lucia misses Kate like crazy; she's bound to. They got on well. In that short time together, she showed Lucia what it would be like to have a loving mother, and a happy family, and she’s not forgotten it - she can’t - because I can’t forget it either.
I'm on my way home, and I've decided that enough is enough. I don’t know if I've blown it with Kate. I'm pretty sure I have, but there’s no way I'm giving up. I've tasted the good lifeand I ain't giving it up for nothing. I fucked up - I have to make it right. Sounds simple, but I know it’s going to be a hell of a lot harder than that.
I thought I was doing the right thing – giving Lucia a mother when she already had one a damn site better.
I need to talk to Nicki - tell her to get the fuck out of our lives. She's no good for us. She isn’t making Lucia happy as I wanted, she's making her wear that sad expression on her face, and I'm not having it for another day longer.
I need Lucia out of the way for an hour. I don’t want her around when I'm talking to Nicki. I check the time, it’s nearly six. I pick up my phone and send a text to Kate. I might not be her favourite person, but I know if Lucia needs her, she’ll be there for her.
Kate, I know you hate me, but I need a favour. Any chance that you can call for Lucia for a couple of hours? I need to do something, and I don't want Lucia to be around.
I get one back almost immediately.
Fuck off. You have needs– you can find someone else to babysit while you satisfy them. That request was the lowest of the low.
Oh shit. I read my message back – she can’t honestly believe I’d ask her to babysit for me, while I shag someone else? Obviously, she does think I’d do that. Jesus, she has a low opinion of me – I'm going to have my work cut out if I want to get things back to the way they were. I’ll eventually be able toconvince her that nothing has happened between Nicki and me. I'm not afraid of a bit of hard work anyway.
I text her back
Babe, seriously, you don’t honestly think I would text you for that? This is serious, and I need your help. Please?
After five minutes, I get a reply.
OK, I’ll come and pick her up. Have her ready, though, can’t stomach another face-off with your bitch from hell.
What is she talking about? Another face-off? Anger boils inside me – has that bitch been giving Kate grief? That’s it, she's fucked with us for the last time.
Thanks. I'm nearly home, I’ll have her ready in five minutes.
I pull into the drive. Before I get out of the car, Lucia opens the front door, and I can tell straight away that something’s wrong.
“Luce? What’s up, sweetheart?”
She runs to me and throws her arms around my legs to hug me . . . she's gripping me tight… fuck, she's scared. I stoop to comfort her.
“Daddy, I don’t like being on my own . . . it’s scary. Please don’t let mummy leave me on my own again.”
I freeze solid. “What?” I ask in a whisper.
“Mummy’s gone out, she said I was big enough, but I don’t want to be big enough – please don’t leave me on my own again.”
