Page 45 of Tempting the Player
Anger washes over me that I didn’t realise I was capable of.
“Where did she go, Lucia?” I ask her, trying to remain calm so that I don’t scare her.
“She didn’t say just that she’d be back in five minutes. But five minutes feels like a long time – I've watched most of The Little Mermaid – is that five minutes, daddy?”
Deep breaths, I need to take big fucking deep breaths – I. Am. Going. To. Kill. Her.
There are footsteps behind me, and I turn around. It’s Kate. She stops in her tracks when she sees me, her eyes wide.
“Hey.” She says to Lucia, she notices that she’s upset, “You ok, sweetie?” Lucia goes running to Kate.
“I was scared, mummy’s gone to the shop and I tried to be brave, but I was scared, mummy said I was a big girl, but I don’t want to be a big girl yet.”
Kate eyes me in disbelief. “Please tell me that she hasn’t left her alone.”
I nod curtly. I'm shaking with anger.
Kate smiles at Lucia, “You want to come and play with me and Jess for a while? Daddy needs to talk to Mummy, I think. Jess and I are baking – you wanna come and bake something for daddy?”
She nods, sniffing, “Yes . . . I would love that Kate . . . I love it at your house.”
Kate closes her eyes slowly as though what Luce has said has hurt her. She opens them, and her eyes meet mine. “Are you going to be OK if I take her?”
I frown. What the hell does she mean by that?
She bends and says to Jess and Lucia, “You two go inside and get Lucia’s coat and get her pyjamas too – she can get ready for bed at our house.” She waits for them to go inside and comes to stand in front of me, placing her hand on my chest.
“You’re close to losing it.”
“You fucking blame me?” I snap back.
She shakes her head, “No… no, I don’t, but I don’t want you doing anything you’re going to regret. You need to calm down now, or when you find her, you’re going to kill her.”
I stare at her for a minute and nod. “You’re right. I’ll keep it together, for Lucia’s sake - but this shit stops right now.”
Kate nods as the children return.
“Come and get her when you’re done in a couple of hours or so, yeah?”
I nod. “It won’t take a couple of hours. Once I find her, I’ll be done in five minutes.”
I say goodbye to Lucia, and once I'm happy she’s okay, which she is because she gets to go and do baking with Kate, whom she loves. I watch them leave.
***
I dial Nicki’s number. When she answers, all I say is “Home. Now.” and hang up.
I go inside, get a suitcase, and pack her crap.
I'm halfway through the job when the front door slams, and she comes running upstairs and into the room.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asks when she sees I'm putting her clothes in a suitcase.
“You’re leaving.” I don’t turn around. I carry on with what I'm doing, trying to keep a check on my anger.
“Where’s Lucia?” she asks.
That does it. That really fucking does it. I pick up a pair of shoes that I'm holding and launch them against the wall, hitting a lamp on the way down, which breaks into pieces on the carpet. I turn to her, and she flinches at the look on my face.
