Page 29 of Tempting the Player
That’s sad for Lucia - the poor thing – being let down by her mother. I can't comprehend it at all, knowing how I feel about Jess, that I would die for her if I had to, she's my life - I can't get my head around a mother giving birth to a child and not needing to be around it. I wonder if she comes back for Nathan as well asLucia. I mean, why would you leave Nathan and Lucia when you can have them? God only knows.
“What about you? What kind of relationship do you have with her? I mean, does anything happen between the two of you when she comes back?”
He winces. “It has done in the past - I can't tell you why, but she has always had fucking power over me that I can’t explain. She’s bad news, and bad for Lucia, but when she comes around, she’s sweetness and light and acts like a force of nature, you forget about the bad stuff.” He shakes his head as though he can’t understand it himself.
I don’t like the sound of that - what if she shows up now? As if reading my thoughts, he says, “Nothing like that will ever happen now though . . . I promise you, Kate. I haven’t been with anyone since her, so the last time she came, yes, something did happen - but now I’m with someone and she’s amazing, and I'm in love with her - I'm lucky that she's given me another chance. I'm not gonna do anything to fuck it up, OK?” he smiles at me, taking my hand across the table.
I nod at him and smile, relieved at his words. “When did she leave?”
“She left when Lucia was two. When we met, neither of us was the settling-down type, but she accidentally got pregnant, so we said we’d give the relationship a go for the baby’s sake. We loved each other in our own weird way, and it sort of worked... until after Lucia’s second birthday. She decided that she felt trapped in a life that was different from how she’d imagined it and took off, leaving me to deal with Lucia, my job, and the house. I’d never done all that shit before, it was a hard time for me. I grew up a lot when I became a dad. I was always the more responsible parent – I had to be - but I truly grew up that first year when she left and I had to learn how to do everything on my own.”
“Jesus, I bet that was hard. I've done it on my own, but at least Jess' dad was always there if I needed him... still is, and I’m confident that she’s safe when she’s with him, so I do get a break. It’s a good job you have your parents to help out.”
“You have no idea, they have been a Godsend. The thing that gets to me most is that Lucia’s never questioned it, she's always thought it’s normal for a mum to be like her, to not be around and to go off whenever she wants, she's never known anything different, but now - since she’s started school - she’s seen what other mums are like. She’s been asking questions like, ‘Why can my mummy not be here all the time?’. It kills me when she asks stuff like that.”
There is pain in his eyes.
He seems like he’s debating whether or not to say something. “You’re good for her, she loves being around you. I'm not giving you any pressure here, I'm just saying that she loves it when you’re around and not only because of Jess, I've seen the way she is with you, and I love you for treating her exactly like you do Jess.”
“She’s a good kid, Nate - you’ve done an excellent job... doing an excellent job, and I feel for her not having a mum around, I really do. I'm glad she likes me, it makes our being together a lot easier, and the feeling is mutual. Jess loves you, too. I wish I could have had a perfect family for Jess, too... Unfortunately, it didn’t work out that way for us. What we have going on seems to be working anyway, but it’s not how I wanted it to go.”
He nods, “I get what you mean. While we’re talking about our past - what about you and Patrick, how did that all play out?”
I lean back in my chair. “Well . . . he was always sweet . . . the perfect husband, apart from the physical side of things being a problem, it was fine at first,” Nate winced,
I shrugged, “Sorry, honey, anyway, over time, there were little signs that worried me, but I ignored them. One day whenJess was eight months old, he turned around and said that he couldn’t live a lie anymore . . . that he was gay, that he would never have married me if he’d have known for sure - he was devastated that he hurt me. He still has massive guilt over it and splitting our family up. He moved out the day after, six months later, he met Gary, and he’s been happy with him ever since. I like Gary; he's a good guy, and Jess loves going over there. They plan fun things for them to do together. Since they’ll never have kids, Gary treats her like his own, and I don’t have a problem with it, because they’re both nice people. Patrick dotes on her, she's luckier than a lot of kids.”
“Still though, you must have been pretty mad – how do you get your head around that?”
“I was more embarrassed, thought that everyone would say I wasn’t woman enough to keep my man or something like that. Even though my head understands that isn't how it works.”
Nate snorts, “Have you seen you?”
I shrug and give a small laugh. “You question yourself. The thing is, I wasn’t heartbroken like I thought I would be, which made me realise that it wasn’t right all along. I was only heartbroken because the ideal family life I wanted for Jess and me was gone.”
Nate’s eyes hold mine for what feels like an age before he grabs my hand and says, “Maybe we’ll get our ideal happy family after all.” He smiles at me softly. I lean over the table and kiss him.
That’s quite a statement, and it’s on my mind for the rest of the day.
We eat breakfast, exchanging smiles and talking easily. I love that I belong to him - love that this amazing guy has feelings for me. I’m a lucky girl.
We go back to his and go straight to bed and stay there until he cooks dinner, when I take a long soak in his bath with my Kindle. I hear him pottering around downstairs, whistling...sounding happy. I lie back in the bubbles, trying to remember when I last felt this happy... I can’t remember.
He knocks on the bathroom door. “Room service.” He says as he walks in with a cup of tea.
“Aw, thanks, babe - you lookin’ after me?” I smile at him.
He smiles warmly at me, places my cup on the corner of the bath and perches on the edge. “I've been thinking about the girls.”
“Oh yeah?” I put my Kindle down so that he has my full attention.
“We should tell them about us, about us being more than friends. They're not stupid anyway, they're going to figure it out, probably because I can’t seem to keep my hands off you, and I definitely won’t be able to after today. Can’t we tell them something?” He pleads.
He’s right, they're going to work out that there’s more to us than just friends. They have a right to know before finding out from someone else.
He takes my silence as hesitancy, he carries on. “I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure our relationship went to the next level this weekend. I’m crazy about you, and I'm going nowhere - you feel the same way about me - I’d rather be honest. I want to be able to stay over at yours, share your bed, and vice versa. The girls can have sleepovers, but I want them to get used to us being together. We can ease them into it, a bit at a time.”
I hold my hand in the air, stopping him “I agree, I'm where you are. We’ll tell them tomorrow, but I want to tell Jess on my own if that’s OK with you?”
