Page 56 of Rider Forbidden
I take Eli in the bathroom, he gets into his pyjamas, brushes his teeth and has a wash. When I go back in, I get him into bed and get Jack the book.
“Night night, love you all the worlds sweetie.”
“Love you all the worlds, mummy.”
I give him a kiss and a hug and smile at Jack as I make my way downstairs. There is no doubt in my mind where I'm going - I'm going into my bedroom to listen to the monitor that Jack doesn't even know is there.
I sit on my bed and listen. It wasn't a good idea - to hear something I’ve never heard before - my Elijah being read to by a man. And Jack is funny, he does all the funny voices and has Eli in stitches - looks like I have quite the competition, I'm gonna have to up my game tomorrow.
He’s so sweet saying good night to him - I hear Eli say ‘love you all the worlds’, which is what we say to each other every night and bless Jack, he says it back. I think it’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. It's like taking a glimpse of what a perfect life could be like and then coming back to reality.
I make my way out of the bedroom with the monitor just as Jack is coming downstairs. I don't say anything as his eyes make contact with mine. He strides towards me and comes and stands an inch away from me.
“Who was the guy Robyn?”
I look up at him but don't say a word. I forgot. All the time he was here I forgot that he thought that I went on a date with someone else, it must have been on his mind. He said it wasn't any of his business, but he obviously thinks that it is.
“Are you seeing him again?”
Well technically yes, but not like he thinks.
I can feel his body close to mine, making mine hum with need. I want him to touch me so much.
“It was Eli’s dad. He got in touch with mum and dad while we were in Spain. He wants contact with Eli.”
His eyes darken. “I hope you told him to fuck off.”
I love that he’s affronted for me. “How can I do that? It's his dad. As much as I hate it, there’s nothing I can do.”
“So you're telling me he’s allowed to be a total prick for four years and can suddenly decide to change his mind and want to be dad of the year?”
I shrug, “Unfortunately as he’s on the birth certificate he has rights. Please can we not talk about this? I'm stressed out about it as it is. Dad is looking into him, just to check he has no skeletons in his closet, and he wants me to meet his fiancé soon. I’ve told him that if we get to know each other then I’ll introduce them gradually. He wants me to see his home - says he’s grown up and never stopped thinking about his son blah blah blah. I just could cry at the thought of someone else watching him, him staying with someone else, not me, you know? It’s been just me and him forever, he’s my baby.” I can feel myself getting upset, I don't want to in front of Jack.
“Hey,” His voice is soft. “come here. It's OK. It'll be OK, you don't have to do anything before you’re ready, you're his mum. Besides, you're not telling me your dad doesn't have a shit-hot lawyer. I'm sure he does. It'll work out I'm sure.”
“I don't want Eli in a legal battle.”
I feel him sigh, it feels so comforting having his arms wrapped around me. His words soothing my frazzled nerves. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. But if all is OK and he is a decent guy and wants to know him then you'll deal, yeah? It can be sorted.”
I sniff into his t-shirt. “Sorry. You don't need all this.”
“Hey, I don't like seeing you upset. Give me it all, let me take some of the shit off your mind,”
How can he go from being a total arsehole to this guy? My mind is baffled.
I push away from him gently and look up. He looks down at me and smiles softly, brushing my hair away from my forehead and behind my ear.
I look at his mouth. His lips so kissable - I just want him to lean in and kiss me.
“You get that you're giving me total ‘fuck me’ looks right now, yeah?”
My eyes widen, horrified that my emotions are written all over my face.
“I'm totally fine with fucking you, but you gotta make the first move.”
Jolts through to my core immediately fire up, knowing that I could have him again - even though we said that it would end in Spain.
I stand up on my tiptoes and put my hand on the back of his neck, putting light pressure to let him know that I want him to lower his head. His eyes go hooded as he looks at my mouth. I lick my lips, then lean forward and then press my mouth onto is. I move away and then kiss his mouth again, for longer this time - willing him to respond and his mouth to open. He responds to my silent plea - I feel his tongue enter my mouth and I moan. His arms come around me and run up my vest top at the back.
