Page 22 of Falling for the Quarterback
Ruined it, in a sense.
I grab a tissue, dabbing at my face. I know I must look like a complete mess. I clear my throat and attempt to continue, “I told my doctor what was going on, and she did a pap exam right then and there. She also ordered several tests and told me on the spot that I had HSV-2. When I got back home, my ex was already gone.”
His eyes are wide, stunned. His hands are curled into fists, his cheeks pink as he asks, “Hewas gone?”
I nod, swallowing with some relief that I admitted the words out loud. I promised myself I’d never tell another soul, but JJ has changed my reality by coming into my life unexpectedly. “He ghosted me every time I tried to contact him. It was in that moment that so many different realities started clicking into place. He got the black eye because another woman had found out she had it. I know it in my gut it’s what happened, and I wish I’d gotten my chance to give him one too.”
I shake my head, chuckling to myself now at how fucked up the entire situation was back then. It’s not funny, it’s fucking mortifying, but I have no choice but to laugh. “He was angry, and he knew I would notice what was going on with him when I wanted to have sex, so he had me turn away from him in the shower. It was all done purposefully to me. It was knowingly given to me without offering me the choice to ever say no. I had consented to having safe sex with him, not in any other circumstance, and now I’m forced to live with this for the rest of my life.” I’m sobbing at this point, but every single time I have to relive that moment, the devastation of it, I break down.
It has ruined my life in ways it never should have been ruined.
“HSV-2,” he says after a moment of stark silence.
I nod. “Herpes simplex virus type-2, which affects the genital area.” I’ve told myself that stating facts after I say my truth is the way to go, but this entire conversation makes me feel like I’m drowning, no matter how I say it.
He releases a deep breath and grabs my hand again, gently squeezing it. “First off, I just want to say I’m sorry. It hurts to hear you went through all of that, and to feel so alone…I can only imagine how lonely you’ve felt. What happened is completely unfair to you, and in a sense, to me, it’s a form of rape. He knowingly did this to you without your consent.”
“I had consented to sex. Essentially, I asked for it.” I whisper, feeling as if my chest has been broken wide open for him to seeeverything inside of me. This is it, the possible deal breaker, and he can leave me broken and bleeding if he chooses to. The reality of how much I’ve come to care for him already is terrifying. But, is it truly a surprise? The man stepped in and possibly saved my life. Of course, I’m going to be more open, vulnerable, and trusting with him quicker than I would with others. He’s not a possible villain I have to watch out for; he’s a hero in this story.
I’m laid bare for him, and he’s the one with the ultimate choice in how this will go. However, he can never say I wasn’t real with him. That I didn’t let him see all of me.
My heartache.
My flaws.
My anger.
He nods, “I understand that, but it was under false pretenses. He knowingly misled you. I can’t believe the nerve of this guy. Jesus, Kinsley, I’m justsorry.”
His sweetness has me crying even harder. This is the most difficult conversation to have with someone you’re falling for, and he’s being calm and open about it, not telling me I’m gross or unworthy. Not that he needs to, I do it enough to myself.
“Thank you, I’m sorry I had to share this with you, and I promise you won’t get it from kissing me. It’s just down there, and that’s why I stopped you from touching me. I’m not having issues right now or anything, but you still deserve to know upfront. I refuse to take that choice from anyone.”
He leans in a bit more, brushing his lips against my forehead. “Can I hold you?”
God, is this guy real? I swear he’s making me think all the others I met before him were nothing but losers, and I know the sentiment is true. They were, and he’s aone-in-a-million type of man. I shake my head no, even though all I want is to be snuggled safely in his arms again. This is too big; he needs time to seriously think this all through, if he’s even considering staying with me.
If not, well, touching me in any capacity when it’s the end is just too much.
Chapter Ten
JJ
Itakeinhertearstainedface, and the sight causes a physical ache in my chest. I want to find this guy and beat him to a pulp for doing this to her. “Did this happen with your ex?”
“No, this all happened when I was younger. Before my ex-husband.”
I nod. I’m still floored by her story even after moments of processing. It was seriously the last thing I was expecting to talk about when I drove down here. Speaking of, she’s opened up to me, and now it’s time for me to man up and confess the truth to her. She deserves it, and I feel terrible for ever misleading her in any way. She’s already been through enough, put through the ringer by men in her past; the least she deserves is more from me.
“I need to confess something to you, too,” I finally admit. My stomach twists with anxiety, hating that I wasn’t man enough to be upfront with her from the very beginning.
Releasing my hold on her hand, I sit back into the cushions and run my hands over my hair. I thread my fingers together behind my neck, as I watch her, unsure of how she’ll take my news on top of what she’s had to say tonight. “When I told you I work for the team, I didn’t elaborate.”
She wipes away the remaining tears as they stop filling her eyes and sniffles. “Okay?”
“I don’t just work for the team…I, uh, am the team. I mean, I play for the team.”
Her brow furrows, making her look even cuter than she already does in her matching pajama outfit. “You’re a football player?”
