Page 94 of Perfect
“You must’ve been a nightmare.”
I frown down at her, crossing my arms. “Like you were perfect.”
She shrugs. “Inever fucked anyone in a school bathroom at ten in the morning.” I roll my eyes, fighting off a smile.
“You’re definitely feeling better if you’re being a dick.” She reaches out for my hand, trailing her fingers against my palm.
“I get to be a dick. I feelawful,” she pouts, twining her fingers through mine. “Come to bed.”
My stomach flips and I take off my pants and sweater and climb into bed with her, feeling a thrill run down my spine at how her head immediately goes into my lap as she plays the sitcom again.
“Thanks for taking care of me,” she murmurs as she drapes an arm across my legs. I look down at her, surprised.
“Yeah, of course, sweetheart,” I say softly. I start stroking her hair, and she reaches for my other hand, threading her fingers through mine as she cuddles into me.
I like this version of Alex.
On Tuesday, Alex seems to enjoy being taken care of for the first time, and it’s only then that I realize that she probably hasn’t been taken care of like this since she was a little kid. I double down on doting on her, and she becomes affectionate in a way I’ve never seen.
It seems like the more I do to take care of her, the more she relaxes into the relationship and opens up to me.
***
On Saturday, I let her sleep in and then drive her into Portland because she wants to see an exhibit at the art museum. She’s openly affectionate as we walk around the museum, holding hands with me, leaning into my touch when I hold her as she stares at paintings, and smiling at me anytime I catch her eye.
Alex is chatty and knowledgeable and more than a little pretentious about art, but I love listening to her. She tells me that her mother was a fine artist, that she spent every summer at a creative arts camp in Maine, and that she ran her school’s art club. I know all of this, but I'm thrilled that she's finally sharing it with me.
When I ask her why she’s stopped painting recently, she closes off and says she hasn’t felt like it, but she misses it.
She shuts down a little after that, spending a long time sitting on a bench and contemplating a black and white photo of a man’s hand holding a lock in front of a chained door. She seems tired and slightly sad, and I want to do something nice for her, so I slip out of the gallery hall and book her a massage a few blocks away.
She’s exasperated when I tell her about it as we leave the museum, but I’m insistent that it doesn’t count as a gift. I tell her that it’s for herhealth, that it’s good for her circulation after being sick, and she looks at me with amusement and rolls her eyes but acquiesces.
I wait for her outside of the art museum, scrolling through a hotel rental. Alex seems to be adjusting so much better since she was sick, and I want to reinforce the positive direction things are going in any way I can, and I think sex is how we connect best emotionally.
When I notice her walking towards me, I keep my face pointed down at my phone but look up at her for a second.She doesn’t notice immediately, and I’m stunned when I see the emotions on her face.
Desire. Affection. Adoration.Happiness.
I raise my head, and she schools her expression quickly, but it’s all still there.
27
ALEX
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 11
I’m happy and relaxed as I walk back to the art museum to meet Theo, who is sitting on a bench, doing something on his phone and sipping coffee. I slow down and take a second to study him as I walk towards him.
He seems different to me now.
Based on the way he took care of me when I was sick, I don’t think he’s trying to manipulate me anymore. He’s still my delusional stalker, but he cares about me in his own weird, intense way, and what he feels for me is real to him. He’s sweet and thoughtful, and the sex is fantastic, and helovestaking care of me.
A soft ache pulses through me as I realize that if things were different, he’d be areallygood boyfriend, exactly the kind of boyfriend I would want.
Exactly the kind of boyfriend Idowant.
That realization rings around like a bell in my head as he looks up at me and smiles warmly.
