Page 189 of Perfect
Elise tells us she can give us three weeks to talk before she initiates trial preparations, so the first thing I do is spend an entire phone call yelling at Theo for everything he’s done wrong, keeping my language vague enough that no one listening in would know what I’m talking about.
I don’t give a shit if we’re connected, or if he saved me, or if he’s the love of my life – he’s still a fucking asshole who betrayed me and broke my heart. He apologizes for hurting me and for not protecting me, but refuses to apologize for anything else. I can tell from his voice that he’s smiling every time he speaks, so I yell at him for that, too.
I let him talk the entire next phone call, and he instantly starts in on a rapid litany of questions about how I’m doing, and I get increasingly irritated with how often he asks if I’ve spoken to a therapist yet. When I tell him to drop it, he’s quiet for a long moment and then lets out a long sigh.
“Sweetheart, can you please tell me why you still love me?” he asks in a soft, desperate voice.
“Because you put me first andfinallygave me the option to choose you,” I say, my chest filling with warmth. “As much as you hate her, I think your therapist probably helped you get to a place where you could do that.” Theo lets out an aggravated sigh.
“You seriously think the therapy you emotionally blackmailed me into worked?”
“Yeah, I do, actually.”
“Well, if you think therapy works, you should see a therapist.”
I snort. “I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”
“Youneedto talk to someone about it, Alexandria,” he snaps, his tone commanding.
“No,” I snap back at him, “Ineedit to go away.”
“Honey, it won’t go away, and youknowthat,” he says, his voice softening, and a wave of dread washes over me. I know he’s right, but I can’t talk about it. I can barely think about it.
“How’s Dr. Mills? Don’t you see her today?” He groans, and I hear the phone ping, letting us know we only have one minute left.
“Don’t think I’m dropping this,” he warns, talking quickly. “I think I have to thank her for something, but I don’t want to.”
“You definitely have to thank her for making you a better person,” I tease, and he makes a choked, disgusted sound.
“Oh, fuckoff, she had nothing to do with that.”
I let out a soft laugh. “Whatever you say, baby. What do you have to thank her for?”
“I’ll tell you in person. Listen, I need you to do me a favor before I see you again.”
“The people at the jail said I can’t bring you food.”
“That’s not – wait, youasked?God, I fucking love you. No, I want you to move into our house.” My heart skips a beat. “If you want to, I guess. Your choice,” he says almost shyly.
“Theo, I –” I hear the line go dead as the call disconnects automatically. I stare at my phone, still stunned by how casually he called itourhouse. I look around my shitty, tiny little apartment, the first place I’ve ever had that wasmine.
Now I want something to callours.
I have a moving company pack up my few belongings and move them to Theo’s, texting Roger that I’ve moved out and slipping my keys and my last month’s rent underneath his door.
It takes me a few days to move all my clothes intoourcloset, to put my things away inourroom andourbathroom, to make itourhouse instead of his house.
I want to make it ourhome, but he’s not there.
***
Theo looks better the next time I see him, like he’s slept and eaten something. I ask him why he had to thank Dr. Mills, and he gets quiet for a minute, his jaw tensing up. His legs reach for mine under the table, and he explains what she said to him, why he left early, why he didn’t check the tracker, and everything that happened up to him getting to the cabin.
I start to hyperventilate when he talks about it, and Theo’s leg rubs against mine soothingly as he talks me through breathing, helping me calm down.
“Honey, do you…do you remember me…being there?” I wrap my arms tightly around my waist and look up at him warily. He seems extremely nervous, his eyes darting from my eyes to my mouth quickly. “You don’t have to talk about it, but I just...you were barely conscious, so I don’t know if…” He trails off, his voice tight with anxiety.
I’ll have to tell him eventually, so I might as well do it now.
