Page 161 of Perfect
“Teddy?” His head snaps up towards me, and he looks pained to see me.
“Go back to bed, sweetheart,” he says, his voice soft. I rub my eyes, trying to wake up.
“Why are you up? It’s three in the morning.” He runs his hands through his hair.
“Um, I’m just stressed about today.” He gives me a tight frown and pours himself a cup of coffee. “I don’t want to deal with any of it.”
“Deal with what?” He shakes his head, not looking at me.
“I’m going to tell Dr. Mills that we’re together and that you love me, and she’s probably going to tell me I’m a piece of shit, and she’s going to be right,” he says quietly.
I step closer to him, but he shrinks away from me a little, and I’m instantly more awake and concerned. I know therapy is hard for him, but I don’t know how he went from ecstatically happy back to this version of himself overnight.
“Teddy,pleasedon’t think like that. You’re a wonderful person, okay? That’s real.” He chokes out a harsh laugh and shoots me a disparaging look.
“You’refucking delusional if you think that.” I sigh, knowing I need to be gentle with him when he’s like this. I step into him, crowding him against the wall and running my hands over his shoulders, keeping my voice low.
“Baby, I love you, but you’ve got horrible self-esteem. I don’t think you see yourself as clearly as I do.” He makes a pained face and looks up at the ceiling.
“No, I see myself pretty clearly now because of all the goddamn therapy,” he says, his voice bitter. “Dr. Mills is probably right that we shouldn’t be together,” he mutters.
“You can’t let her opinion about our relationship matter more than mine, okay?” He scoffs and shakes his head, shooting me an irritated look.
“Last time I checked,youdon’t think we should be together, either,” he snaps, and I step back from him and cross my arms.
“I thought I made it obvious this weekend how much I want to be with you,” I say quietly, trying not to sound as hurt as I feel. Theo crosses his arms and sighs harshly, looking at his feet and nodding faintly.
“Yeah, you did.” I step close to him again, running my hands up and down his arms.
“Is this seriously all because you don’t like your therapist? This came out of nowhere.” He laughs humorlessly.
“Honey, you have no fucking idea.” Maybe I don’t. This is the first time I’ve seen him before a therapy appointment, and maybe he always gets this worked up.
“You don’t have to tell her about us.” He looks down at me, shocked.
“Are you telling me to lie to her?”
I shrug. “You do already, so what’s one more lie? You only need to be honest with me.” He winces slightly and looks away from me.
“I know,” he says quietly. I lean up to kiss him, but he turns away and runs his hands through his hair. I pull back from him, shocked.
I don’t think Theo’severrejected affection before.
“I’m going to go on a run,” he says and tries to walk away, but I grab him around the waist and hold him closely.
“I need you to come back to bed.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not tired.”
“You don’t need to be tired to come back to bed,” I say softly, rubbing his back. “I don’t like seeing you upset. Let me take care of you.” He sighs hard and nods but starts giving me that look like he’s trying to memorize me, which makes me concerned.
His mood switched overnight for some reason, and I want to switch it back. I try to make him feel better, and sex always works with Theo, but not this time. He getsveryintense and presses me down into the mattress, fucking me slowly, his expression serious.
“I’m so sorry,” he says quietly, “I’m so sorry about everything.” I stare up at him, unsure how to react.
“Baby -” He shakes his head, and I stop speaking.
“I love you, Alex. You’re the best thing in my life, and I don’t deserve you.”
