Page 144 of Perfect
Theo grabs my hand, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of my wrist.
“We can hold off as long as you want, sweetheart, I mean it. Whatever you need. I’m not fucking this up again.” My chest fills with warmth and my body aches for him, but I force myself to get out of the car and walk to my door alone.
I send another photo that night and get one in return, and I have to stop myself from begging him to come over. Going slowly with Theo is getting impossible, but I have to keep trying.
I’m not ready to tell him yet.
***
I see him the following Monday, and I force myself not to drink anything because I’m barely holding on to my inhibitions as is.
“Not thirsty?” He teases, staring at me hungrily.
“Very thirsty,” I mutter into my water, and he laughs.
He walks me home, our interlaced fingers somehow becoming the warm, comforting presence of his arm around my shoulders. When we get to my apartment, he pulls me tightly against him and kisses my neck in a way that makes me moan.
“You’re so fucking needy, honey,” he whispers just below my ear before nipping at my neck. I whine and reach for him, and he pulls back and laughs at the look on my face.
I freeze. For a split second, it’s October and he’s my stalker making me beg for sex, and I hate how much I want him. I involuntarily step away from him and blink hard, staring at him, trying to figure out how I feel. He immediately looks concerned and frustrated.
“Fuck, Alex, I’m sorry.” I shake my head, smiling at him, figuring out what to say.
“No, I just…you…it felt likebefore.” His face falls instantly, and I realize he doesn’t understand that I liked being back there with him, that it’s so much fun to have him act like this again.
I’ve realized that I like all versions of Theo, even this fragile, moody version who thinks I hate him.
“Great. Sorry,” he says tightly, looking away from me with a clenched jaw.
“I liked it,” I say quietly, and he looks back at me like I’m insane. I shrug, smiling a little. “I likeyou.Come here.” He steps towards me tentatively, and I pull him down into a searing kiss, burying my hands in his hair and pressing up into him. He makes a harsh, wanting sound in the back of his throat as his hands grip my hips and he hauls me closer. I lean back and look up at him, smirking as I feel him hard against me.
“I’m not the only one who’s needy, huh?” Theo laughs weakly and lets me go as I back away from him, staring at me with a bemused expression. I have to force myself to step backward towards my apartment, both of us staring at each other hungrily as I open the door.
I don’t think I can hold out much longer, mostly because I don’t want to.
***
By the time I get off work on Thursday, I’ve decided to end the no sex rule. I sprint towards Theo’s place, ready to throw myself at him. The second I see him I can tell something’s wrong, and all thoughts of sex fly out of my head instantly.
He’s worked up, pacing on the porch, not looking at me or answering anything directly, his body vibrating with tension. I sit down on one of the porch chairs and gesture to the other, but he shakes his head and keeps pacing.
“What’s wrong?” He huffs out a frustrated breath and rolls his eyes at me.
“I’mfine, Alex.” I cross my arms and raise my eyebrows at him, trying to be patient with him.
“Please talk to me, Teddy.” He freezes and gives me a look that tells me he thinks that me using the nickname is playing dirty, which it is.
“I said I’mfine,” he snaps, and my patience breaks.
“Youronechance hinges on you being honest with me, remember? Sit down and talk to me, rightnow.” Theo shoots me a desperate look and nods tersely, perching on the edge of the seat and bouncing his knee quickly as he looks down at his feet and runs his hands through his hair.
“Therapy isveryfucking difficult,” he grits out. “Tuesday was bad, but today was worse. Dr. Mills fucking sucks,” he spits.
“Can’t you get a new therapist?”
He rolls his eyes. “I’d have to petition the court, and ‘I don’t want to talk to her’isn’t a good enough reason. I’m on parole for another year and a half, but I only have six months of therapy left, so the less I interact with the system until I’m done, the better.”
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” I usually don’t ask about his sessions, but this is such a massive reaction that I think I should. Theo’s face is drawn, and he won’t look at me.
