Page 15 of Perfect
“I’m thirty-one and I just told you I didn’t have sex for nine years, so I’mprettysure you can figure that one out for yourself.” She doesn’t seem fazed by how condescending I’m being.
“May I ask how many people you’ve been intimate with since your release?”
I grimace at her. “Do youneedto know that?”
She shrugs. “I’d like to know, if you don’t mind telling me. Sex and romantic attachment have been some of the biggest areas you’ve struggled in, so it feels relevant to me. I think it’simportant to be honest about these things.” I stare at her and feel my knee bouncing quickly, which she clocks immediately.
“Three women.” She blinks and purses her lips at me slightly, which I’ve noticed that she does whenever she doubts that I’m being honest.
She does it a lot, which is fair. I’m usually lying about something.
I’mdefinitelylying about this.
“Were all of the encounters casual?”
I shrug. “Pretty much.”
“So, this person you’re telling me about…?”
“Alex.”
“How did you meet them?”
“At my lawyer’s office.”
“So it wasn’t on purpose?”
“No.”
“What makes them different?” I frown, looking out the window and thinking about it for a minute. How have I not thought about this?
“I don’t know. I just have a feeling about her.”
“What kind of feeling? Is it a good feeling? A bad feeling? Something different?” I force myself not to roll my eyes at her. I don’t know how I got saddled with the stupidest therapist the state has.
“Obviously it’s a good feeling, or I wouldn’t be interested in her.” Dr. Mills nods, keeping her face neutral and humming in a cliched, patronizing way.
“Have you felt the same way about anyone before?” It feels like she just dumped a bucket of ice water on me. Is she making this about Ashley? Oh, of fuckingcourseshe is. I take a second to compose myself before I shake my head slowly.
“It’s very different from anything I’ve felt before.” It’s much stronger, for one thing.
“Different how?” I narrow my eyes at her slightly.
“Like I said, I don’t know.” Dr. Mills considers me for a second, her lips pursed slightly.
“Do you think you’re ready to get involved with someone right now?”
“We’re notinvolved,” I insist. “We just met. I want to get to know her better, that’s all.”
“I’d like you to consider not pursuing it any farther than that for now.” I stare at her blankly, trying to hide my irritation. “I understand that it might be difficult, especially if you have a good feeling about Alex, but I think it would be wise to hold off on building a relationship with someone until you’re more settled. What do you think about that?”
I think it’s fucking stupid.
“I’ll take it into consideration.” She blinks and purses her lips at me again.
***
I think about the conversation with Dr. Mills all the way back to Astoria. Something about Alex calls out to me in a way I’ve never felt before, but I don’t know what it is. The feelings I have when I see or think about her are so different from the ones I had about Ashley.
