Page 37 of Perfect
I get to my house, leaning on the porch railing and trying to catch my breath, massaging a stitch in my side and shaking my head in frustration. Stupid fucking Dr. Mills might have beenright, and I can’t let amazing sex get in the way of a perfect relationship.
Oh, my god, the fuckingsex.
I didn’t know sex could feel likethat.It was like the feeling I got when I kissed her, but so much stronger. Feeling that kind of connection with her the second I was inside of her andnotcoming immediately is probably the most significant achievement of my life. Fuck, she was so ready for me, too. I’ve always had to take my time and let women adjust to me, but she just welcomed me in like she was made for me.
We fit together.
She’s so perfect for me. She’s so sensual, so responsive, andsoeasily overwhelmed.Thatwas amazing to find out because I fuckinglovethat. I’ve never been with anyone who needs that much aftercare, and kissing and praising her and hearing her small, happy sounds as she trembled in my arms made me feel euphoric and accomplished in a way I’ve never felt before. I want that forever, and I want to give her that forever. Fuck, I want to make her come forever. She’s such a vision when she comes, and I got to see it again and again. She needed me, just like I knew she would, and she fuckinglovesthe sex as much as I do, just like I knew she would. God, the way she was with me this morning, so needy and passionate and sweet, with her soft little whimperedplease-
I’m coming hard before I even realize that I’m leaning against my porch railing and masturbating in broad daylight. When the fuck did I even start jerking off? I groan as I wipe my hand clean against my pants and head inside. Thankgodmy house isn’t that visible from the street. What the fuck is my problem? I am going to keep fucking this up if I can’t get my shit together.
I check Alex’s cameras to see that she’s still asleep, curled up in a tight ball under her duvet, her hair fanned out around herhead like a halo. I watch her for a few minutes, longing coursing through me.
She’s an absolute angel, and I’m a dumb fuck who needs to fix this.
I take a shower, thinking about howscaredAlex was this morning. She’s obviously never been in a fight or held a knife against someone before, but she felt like she needed to. She doesn’t need to be afraid of me, somaybeit wasn’t about me. Her panic attack was scary, and I think she almost passed out. I did my best to help her regulate her breathing the way I was taught to, but it took her the better part of an hour to finally calm down.
She said it hasn’t happened since she left, but left where? Why did she leave? What did she say -Why are men always taking things from me?What does that mean?
I groan and drop my face into my soapy hands. I’m such a fuckingidiot.I’ve been so overcome by our connection and so distracted by my desire to fuck her that I’ve entirely glossed over the fact that she’s probably living under a fake identity.How did I overlook something so important?
When she goes back to work on Monday, I’m going to figure out who the fuck she was.
I get out of the shower and check the cameras, but Alex is still asleep. I don’t want her to be alone when she wakes up, so I’ll head back soon to take care of her. This weekend will be about calming her down, winning her over, and helping her see what we have. I’ll make her dinner, take her out and spoil her, show her how connected we areoutsideof the bedroom, and we’ll get to know each other better and adjust to our relationship.
I can fix this.
***
She’s still asleep when I get back to her place, so I go grocery shopping for her to kill time. I picked up what I needed for breakfast this morning, but she still barely has any food in her place. I focus on buying her things that are quick and easy to prepare since she has an aversion to cooking, but then I go overboard and buy her everything I think she should be eating.
It’s fine, I’ll just cook for her.
I eye the bouquets of flowers on my way out, grabbing one I think she’ll like. When I get back to her place, she’sstillasleep, so I put everything away quietly, organizing her fridge and cabinets so everything faces label out. I slip into her room to put the flowers on her dresser, and she stirs a little but doesn’t wake up. I clean up the attempted French toast and coffee from this morning before cleaning the kitchen top to bottom. I clean up her living room, even though it’s tidy. I dust, making sure the cameras are still hidden. I look at the small still lifes she’s been working on lately.
She stays asleep through all of it, and I get nervous enough to check on her, but she’s just sleeping.
I open a bottle of wine and pour myself a glass, grabbing her copy ofPersuasionfrom the bookshelf. I’m so distracted and nervous that I keep reading the same sentences repeatedly, and it takes me an hour to get through the first chapter. When Alex finally emerges from her room, her hair is messy and she’s wearing my college sweater and her sweats.
She stops when she sees me, her face blank.
“You’re still here?” she asks flatly.
I take a deep breath and try to smile at her. “Of course. I thought maybe we could talk?” She ignores me and grabs the bottle of wine, sitting on the small couch as far away from me as she can and curling into a tight ball. She turns on the TV and puts on the BBCPride and Prejudice, which I’ve seen her watch at least twice.
“I’m more of aPersuasionperson,” I joke, lifting the book in my hand, but she still ignores me. She watches the show for a few minutes, slowly sipping the wine from the bottle. At one point, her entire body tenses and she sniffs at the wine.
“Is this drugged?” I laugh at her, but she seems serious.
“No, it’s a Malbec. I picked up some wine and groceries while you were sleeping.”
“More apologies?” Her voice is bitter.
“What?” Without looking at me, she gestures to the unopened gift bags on the breakfast bar.
“Um, that’s not…no, those are just gifts that I knew you’d like.” She looks at me, her face blank but her eyes sharp.
“How do you knowthat I’d like them?” I stare at her appraisingly. Based on her reaction, she may not be ready to hear about that. She’ll understand once we’re better adjusted.
