Page 173 of Perfect
God, I wish I’d known I could have been as happy as I was this weekend. That’s what my life was going to be moving forward, and if that little bit is all I got, it was fucking worth it.
I just wanted so much more.
I don’t know what happens next, or even what Ithinkhappens next, but I hope I get to see my parents again. I hope they’re not disappointed that I never made anything of myself the way they wanted. Maybe they’ll be able to appreciate that I made somethingformyself instead. Something small, nothing impressive, but something all mine nonetheless.
I hope they’ll appreciate that I was happy and in love before I died.
Somewhere far above me, I can feel my body getting weaker, and I know I’m going to be gone soon. I let that knowledge push me to drift farther down inside of myself, allowing myself to shrink smaller and smaller as I go.
I let go of the fear, the anger, the helplessness, the pain, the resentment, all of it. I don’t have space for anything but the love, and I hold on to that as long as I can.
That’s the only thing I want to take with me.
That’s the only thing that’s still mine.
51
THEO
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 27
I drive past the small turnoff twice before I see it. Danny will hear me if I drive up to the house, so I slam my car into park and sprint up the long dirt road.
I’ve never run a faster mile in my fucking life.
I slow down to catch my breath when I see the small, well-kept cabin sitting along the river, a shiny rental car parked out front. I need to be smart about this. I need to make sure Alex is safe and get her out of here before I fucking kill him.
I stay low as I approach the cabin and slowly try the handle, but the front door is locked. I peer through the living room window and panic races through me. There’s a bunch of scattered photos, a discarded first aid kit, some duct tape, and asmall pool of fresh blood on the floor with a trail leading away from it.
Oh,fuck.
I need to get her out of here,now.
I notice a door in the kitchen visible from the living room, so I keep low and walk around the side of the small cabin quickly. I slowly turn the handle of the back door, closing my eyes briefly and sighing in relief because it’s unlocked.
Alex and Ihaveto be connected, because there’s no other way I’d be this fucking lucky.
I leave the door open a fraction of an inch and go scope out the other rooms first. I need to know where they are before I go in, and I need to see if he’s got a gun.
I duck low, keeping under the windows except to peek in the rooms. The small back bedroom has an open suitcase, a camera, a laptop, and an empty holster. Shit, of course he has his gunonhim. I round the corner, peering into the empty bathroom as I sneak toward the other bedroom window. I can hear muffled sounds through the wall and raise my head just enough to look inside.
I freeze, and my head empties out, everything replaced by a deafening, furious buzzing as I see Alex’s pale, naked body on the bed.
Her arms are tied beneath her, and her shoulder looks pulled out of the socket. There’s tape around her mouth, and it’s covered with blood from her nose, which looks broken. She’s got finger-shaped bruises starting to appear on her arms and throat, and huge bruises starting to blossom over her stomach and ribs. Thick red welts and long, irregular cuts are strewn all over her body, and she’s got a soaked, bloody bandage wrapped around her mid-thigh. The bed beneath her leg is dark with blood, and Danny’s on top of her, her limp body moving with the impact ofhim. Her eyes are open, staring blankly at the ceiling, but she’s not reacting. She’ssopale, and her skin has a sickly grey pallor.
My heart stops beating, the world stops turning, and time freezes.
I’m too fucking late.
He killed her.
She’s dead.
The panic in my body transforms into something icy and horrible as I turn around and head for the back door. This is so different from anything I’ve felt before. All I see is red, all I can feel is fury, but I’m entirely present and completely in control.
I know that I need to be quiet, and I know I have time, so I do everything carefully.
I enter the cabin quietly and slip a kitchen knife from the block before I head towards the front bedroom. My control wavers when I see them again through the open door, but I’m clear headed enough to notice his gun is on the bedside table. I can’t let him get close to it, so I go slowly, but my control starts slipping as I hear how much he’s enjoying himself.
