Page 137 of Perfect
“You don’t seem fine,” I say gently, and he shakes his head down at his coffee.
“I’m good, I promise.”
“When was the last time you slept?”
He shrugs, not meeting my eyes. “Last night.”
“When was the last time youate?”
“This morning.”
“Theo, you’re a shitty liar, okay?Pleasetalk to me.” He still won’t look at me, and I get irritated. “You want this chance? Stop fucking lying to me,now.” Theo finally meets my eyes, looking at me for a long second, his mouth a thin line and his jaw tense.
“Fine.I’mnotgood, I haven’t slept in days, and I can’t remember the last time I ate. I’ve been trying to exhaust myself to get some sleep, but it’snot working. Also, Dr. Mills has me doing therapy twice a week until parole ends, which sucks.” He rolls his eyes. “I havehomeworknow, like a fucking kid.”
“I noticed the books.” He shakes his head and looks out the window.
“Yeah. It’s…hard.” I can see that he’s trying, but I don’t know if I can trust him yet.
“What did you do Tuesday night?”
He frowns at me. “What I’ve been doing for the past three weeks: locking myself out of my phone and in my house. I mostly clean and work out and read the stupid books, why?” I don’t think that’s all he’s been doing, but I’m not going to push it right now because he’s so on edge. He obviously doesn’t know that Ben showed up to trivia again, so I keep it to myself.
He’s so wound up that he might kill Ben on principle if I tell him.
“No reason. Do you want to get dinner with me on Wednesday?”
His eyes go wide. “Fuck, yes. I’ll make you whatever you want, you name it.”Coq a vin, a desperate voice in my head whispers, but I shake my head at him.
“Um, I think we should go out. I don’t think we should be alone together right now,” I say slowly, and I know he understands. For just a second, he’s himself again, and he flashes me a wolfish grin.
“I miss you, too, sweetheart,” he says quietly before his face falls back into a tense, nervous expression, and he’s back to being this version of himself that’s worrying the shit out of me.
“Um, do you want to go grocery shopping after lunch?” I can’t keep the concern out of my voice, and he shoots me a knowing look.
“Alex, stopasking. My answer is always going to be yes. Just tell me when I get to see you and what we’re doing.”
“I’m always going to give you a choice, Theo.” His expression becomes pained, and he nods slowly as he looks away from me.
***
On Wednesday, Theo’s calmer and seems like he’s slept, but he still seems more wound up than usual. He’s so subdued and self-conscious, and he won’t even touch me. It’s weird to see him like this. I’m used to him being high-strung, but he’s usually confident, bordering on arrogant, and overbearingly affectionate.
It’s what I’ve come to like from him, and adjusting to something else is uncomfortable.
We go for dinner at a restaurant on the waterfront, and it’s empty enough that I ask for a table near the window, away from other people. Theo orders a double whiskey, and I know immediately that he’s pretty stressed out if he’s drinking. I order my drink and watch him fidget and try not to look at me.
“How are you?” He glances out the window, and I watch his jaw tense.
“Better than Sunday,” he says quickly, looking back at me and trying to smile. “So fucking happy to see you again.” I stare at him, knowing I should reassure him, but I want to know how he’ll react when I don’t. He anxiously searches my face for any reaction and starts to ask me a question when our drinks arrive.
I order enough food for both of us because I’m almost positive Theo won’t eat without prompting, and the moment the waiter leaves, Theo downs his whiskey.
“Why are we here?” He says it so quickly that all the words blur together, and I almost laugh, but he’s so serious that I stop myself.
“We’re on a date,” I say slowly. I get a glimpse of the Theo I know as he smirks and rolls his eyes before his face drops back into uncertainty.
“Why,Alex?”
