Page 119 of Perfect
The other photo shows Theo, maybe eighteen or nineteen, thinner than he is now and with short hair, smiling broadly next to a handsome kid his age with ginger hair and blue eyes, their arms around each other’s shoulders. Theo’s wearing the college sweater languishing under my bed, and the kid is wearing a crewneck sweater with a cartoon duck. I flip the photo over, seeing “Theo & Kevin, Christmas 2011” written in a looping cursive on the back. I stare at the words for a second, processing them.
Oh, mygod.
“Sweetheart, do you wa-” My head whips up as Theo walks in on me and sees all the photos spread over the bed. His eyes widen, and he tenses up immediately, and we stare at each other for a long moment.
“Put. Those. Away,” he says, his voice low and clipped.
“Theo, what -”
“Don’t,” he snaps.
“I have questions.” He closes his eyes and breathes deeply.
“Alex, please,” he begs quietly.
“Baby,” I say, keeping my voice soothing. “I’ve never told anyone about the fire grate. Danny didn’t even know about it. I shared, and now it’s your turn.” He looks at me like I’m fighting dirty, which I am, before he takes a shaking breath and nods.
“Were you and Kevin friends?” He pushes out a small, bitter laugh and looks away from me, shaking his head.
“He was my best friend, actually. Kind of my only real friend ever. We were roommates freshman year and we just clicked, I guess. We were inseparable after that. His parents sucked the same way my parents sucked, so he spent holidays and summers with me in Astoria, and Nana and Bosslovedhim. It was like having a brother, I think,” he says, grimacing up at the ceiling. “When Ashley came along, we all spent a ton of time together, and I was fuckingecstaticthat they got along so well. I was just too stupid to see what was happening.” He lets out a low, angry laugh. “They were careful enough that I didn’t catch them, and I’m sure that piece of shit would have kept fucking her behind my back if I hadn’t told him that I was going to propose. She broke up with me right after that, and Istilldidn’t see it.” Theo crosses his arms and shakes his head at his feet. “I would have beaten the shit out of anyone I’d found Ashley with, but I wouldn’t have gotten angry enough to kill anyone else. I don’t feel bad about it, honestly, because he fucking deserved it,” he says in a small, hurt voice.
I stare at him, my mind whirring.
“Is that why you don’t have any friends?” He gives me a look I don’t entirely understand.
“I have you,” he says quietly, and a strong wash of pity rolls through me. I have to look away from him so he doesn’t see my expression, so I look down at the photos in my hands. After amoment, I hold up the one of him and his parents, but he doesn’t look at it.
“Can I have two questions?” He groans but gives me a jerking nod. “Why do your parents look sick?” Theo snorts and rolls his eyes.
“Because they’re fucking meth addicts, Alex.” I blink hard, looking back down at the photo. His mom looks so much sicker than his dad. I look back up at him, tense and upset in the doorway.
“You said it was just your dad.” I see a muscle in his jaw twitch, and he shakes his head slowly.
“I never said that.” I stare at him for a second, thinking about everything he’s told me about his parents, and things start clicking into place.
“Isthatwhy you didn’t give your mom the money?” He narrows his eyes and looks up at the ceiling.
“I gave her enough to get her to fuck off, but yeah. She’s got three other kids now, and I knew from experience she wasn’t going to spend anything on them. I set up trusts for them anyway, structured so the money can only be used for college or a down payment or something like that, so Melissa can’t get to it. I’m hoping maybe it’ll fix their lives, but I don’t know. I have a couple of years before the oldest one turns eighteen, and then Melissa will be a fucking headache again, I’m sure.” I stare at him, shocked. I knew he was closed off, but I had no idea how much he was hiding from me. I have so many questions now.
“Wait, so -”
“You saidtwo fucking questions,” he snaps. He closes his eyes, rubbing his hand over his face. “Sorry,sweetie. I’m not mad at you, I just don’t think about this stuff,ever.” I nod, no longer surprised by that.
“It’s okay. Last question, and it’s easy, Iswear,” I say in a soft voice. I look down at the photo of him as a little kid and smile a little, holding up the picture again, pointing at him and the bear.
“Was your childhood nickname Teddy?” His face goes blank instantly as he looks at the photo, and he shakes his head slowly.
“No, I didn’t have one. Pretty much everyone except my grandparents called me Ted.”
“What did they call you?” Theo glances at me, and I see his jaw clenching.
“Nana always called me Theo, and Boss just called me son,” he says through his teeth. He closes his eyes and sighs as he turns away from me, his body rigid and his voice tense. “I’m going to be in the kitchen. Please leave me alone for a little bit,” he says as he walks back upstairs. I stare after him, still stunned.
I pack the photos away and put them back in the closet and curl up the guest bed, looking out the window, thinking. It’s dark outside, so I mostly see myself reflected back in the window.
I can see on my mirrored face that things have just gotten a lot more complicated for me.
I unpack our bags, noticing Theo packed his college sweater in my bag even though I never wear it anymore. I’m in so deep that I don’t know which way is up, so I change into soft leggings and put on the goddamn sweater and head upstairs. It’s been almost two hours, which is probably long enough. The fireplace is going, and the dining room table is set, including a wine glass for me, and Theo is in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and staring at the oven, drinking whiskey straight from a half-empty bottle.
