Page 116 of Perfect
“Hi, sweetheart. You weresogood for me while I was gone. What do you want as a reward?” She smiles and laughs a little, keeping her eyes closed and leaning into my touch.
“You,” she whispers.
I’m grateful her eyes are closed, because I’m so fucking in love with her and I can’t hide it anymore. I bite my tongue and unfasten her wrists, and her hands go immediately to me, loosely holding my shoulders. I make love to her slowly, saying anything I can think of to tell her how wonderful she is. Her orgasms are long and languid, almost like they’re going half-speed, and once she can’t handle any more, she pulls me tight and begs me to come for her.
I hold her in my arms after, loving the way she drapes herself across me and falls asleep instantly. I stroke her hair gently and stare at the ceiling, anger flooding back into my body.
The second I get off parole, I’m going to fucking kill him.
***
“What happened with Danny?” I focus on caramelizing the onions, not looking at Alex when I ask. I’ve found it’s easiest for her to talk to me about hard things if I don’t look at her, but I watch her out of the corner of my eye as she sips her wine.
“I told you. He pulled a gun, and I ran.”
“No, I mean, how did you end up with him?”
“Oh. Um, I don’t know.” I frown over at her, and she looks up at me and shrugs. “I don’t, kind of. One day, he showed up and blew up my life, and then he was always sort of there, texting me, calling me, telling me he’d take care of me, shit like that.” I feel a twinge of discomfort that I shove down. What a fucking prick.
“Then he, um…we…he…anyway, then we were together.” I don’t push it, but I’m nauseous thinking about what she’s notsaying. She shrugs, draining the glass of wine and pouring herself another glass.
I look back at the onions, and I wait.
“I…I think Danny was able to get me to do things and make choices for me because I was so lost after my parents died. I was trapped inside the feeling that I should have been in the car with them. I wassupposedto be, and I wished I had been most of the time.”
I wince. “What do you mean?”
“Um, my parents and I got into a fight right before they died. I got a D on a calculus test, and I thought it was going to fuck my life up.” Alex laughs bitterly. “It did, kind of. I ditched track practice to get drunk, and I forgot we were supposed to go to this gallery opening of my mom’s that night because I didn’t put it in my fucking planner. My parents came home to get me, and I was shitfaced, and they werefurious, telling me I was ruining my future with my irresponsible behavior. I got so mad at them because they expected so much out of me, and I was so fucking tired of it. We got into this huge screaming match, and they left me at home, and they got hit on the way to the gallery.” Alex’s face is bunched up, her hand covering her mouth, and I can tell she’s trying not to cry. “The last thing I did before they died was disappoint them,” she says, her voice watery, “and I thought it wasmyfault they died.”
“It wasn’t,” I say softly, and she lets out a bitter laugh.
“I know that now, but when I told Danny I felt that way, he made me feel like I had to be perfect to make up for it.”
“Motherfucker.” She nods and takes a few deep breaths, rubbing her arms in a soothing motion. I want to hold her, but I genuinely don’t know if it’s the right thing to do right now. She’s never beenthisopen before, and she seems reluctant to keep going. She pours herself another glass of wine, and I eye the nearly empty bottle as I wait for her to keep speaking.
“It started slow, you know? He made everything so easy for me at the beginning, and then once I kind of realized what had happened, I had no idea what to do. I got mad at him once, and then I found out I didn’t get tobemad at him. He told me I was spoiled and immature, that I didn’t know how to be a good wife, that he needed to show me my place, that he took care of me and I needed to take care of him.” I grit my teeth and move the onions around, focusing on my breathing.
“His family was awful, too. His parents died when he was young, which is kind of how he got me to talk to him, but his aunts were really involved in our lives andextremelycritical of me. They bossed me around constantly, and it took me fuckingyearsto realize that I was being pushed around and manipulated by everyone. I was just trying to get through it and figure out how to not make Danny angry. He got so angryabouteverything, and it took me a long time to figure out how to handle him.”
“Why didn’t anyone fucking help you?” She snorts.
“People tried, but I didn’t want to acknowledge what was going on, so I lied to everyone and pretended it wasn’t happening.”
“Why didn’t you-”
“No more, Theo.” Her voice is sharp. “It’s your turn to share. Tell me about your grandparents.” I shoot her a frustrated look, but she’s being open, and I know she wants that from me, so I indulge her.
“Um, yeah, okay. They were great, I guess. I spent every summer with them as a kid, basically. I always wanted to be here instead of with Jason and Melissa.”
“Why didn’t you live with them?” I shrug, taking a deep breath.
“They tried to adopt me when I was born because Melissa was only seventeen, but she wanted to keep me, so she and Jasonmoved out to Yakima when she was pregnant. The two of them ended up using me to get money out of Nana and Boss.” Alex makes a sharp, disapproving sound.
“What did they need the money for?” I blink down at the onions for a second.
“Jason’s drug habit, probably. It worked, because Nana and Boss loved me, but things were shitty for years, and then I killed Jason, and then Melissa fucked off, and then I came here, and then things werefine.”
“Uh-huh,” she says, her voice dripping with disbelief. I take a deep breath and look over at her skeptical face, forcing a smile.
