Page 10 of Perfect
“Salem’s a long drive from Astoria. I can do virtual, if you prefer?”
“I can come to Salem for our appointments.” It’ll give me something to do, at least.
“Will that pose an issue once you get a job?”
I smile politely again. “I won’t be needing a job. Money isn’t much of an issue for me.”
She nods and scribbles another note. “Well, financial stability is important, but jobs can also bring a lot of social fulfillment, and social connections are important for successful reintegration. Are you religious at all? Involved with churches, or any secular organizations?”
“No.”
“Do you have any friends you’re still in contact with?”
“No.”
“Did you have friends inside?”
“Friends of convenience, so, no.”
“Any family?” I try hard not to roll my eyes.
“My grandparents are both dead, and if you read my file, you’d know my father is dead.” Dr. Mills purses her lips in concern.
“What about your mother?” I can feel my jaw tense, so I force myself to relax.
“With one exception, we haven’t spoken in almost two decades.” She frowns at me.
“Theodore, reintegration can be extremely hard for people with robust support systems, much less people who don’t have one. There are lots of programs that can help fulfill the need for community.”
“I’ll be fine. I don’t have many social needs, honestly.”
“Well, whatareyour social needs?” I look out the window and shrug, thinking briefly of Catherine’s pretty receptionist.
“I’d like to meet someone.” Dr. Mills’s face is smooth as she considers what I’ve said.
“Given your history, I think you should deprioritize romantic attachment for the time being. I think it’s a good idea to focus on yourself first.” That issuchbullshit.
I clear my throat and force another smile. “I’ve participated in therapy for almost a decade, and I’ve come to terms with the issues that landed me in trouble in the first place. I’ve done all the work I needed to do.”
Dr. Mills crosses her legs and gives me a patient, neutral look. “That’s wonderful, but there’s always more work to be done. Will you still be taking your medications?”
“No.”
“Why not?” My patience finally runs out, and I roll my eyes at her and her asinine questions.
“Because I’ve spent nine years feeling like a fucking zombie with no sex drive,” I snap. I take a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “Sorry. I don’t like the medication, and I don’t agree that I need it. I’m fine without it.”
Dr. Mills nods slowly. “Side effects can be difficult, but you might just be on the wrong medications. It usually takes some trial and error to find an effective combination. I think you should at least schedule an appointment with another psychiatrist and see what they have to say.”
“I’m fine, thank you.”
“Well, let’s keep it in mind as an option. Have you looked through the resources I’ve emailed you?”
“No.”
She exhales slowly, looking down at her notes. “Theodore, I’m going to encourage you to engage more deeply with this process. Reintegration is jarring and difficult. I’m here to support you and help you navigate it.”
“I’ll be fine.”
