Page 29 of A Christmas Baby for the Cowboy
Ramona could see that he knew it. She could see it all over his face. It was there in that brooding intensity. He knew that this was a big ask because this wasn’t a medical inquiry.
This was personal.
And Ramona had to caution herself, because her urge was always to simply jump in and try to fix things. To say yes, immediately, because that was what she wanted in the moment—but it didn’t actually get her what she really wanted, in the end.
She’d made a lot of assumptions about what they both knew, what they both felt, what they both were doing, and they’d still ended up apart.
Ramona had still ended up with her heart broken into smithereens, and if nothing else, she owed it to herself not to throw herself into a whole new heartbreak all over again.
Knox was looking at her expectantly. Maybe a little apprehensively, which she thought was only appropriate.
He was waiting for her to answer.
So she did. She blew out a breath, and then she held his gaze with hers, direct and intent.
Because this time she wasn’t going to assume a damned thing.
What she said instead was, “Why?”
Chapter Seven
Knox was not expecting the question.
His throat was strangely dry. His chest felt tight.
“It feels right that we do this together,” he said, and he meant it, but then he heard those words hanging in the air.
Ramona didn’t change expression. Still, Knox found himself reacting as if she had.
He sat up straighter. “I know that sounds ridiculous. But you were there on Christmas Eve. You were there with us, with me, for days. I feel like we’re both invested in Hailey and also Shoshana, and it just felt right to ask you if you wanted to be part of this, too.”
He didn’t know why he felt like he’d just ran a marathon, a supposed life goal he’d achieved exactly once in college and never needed to try again. He thought he might be sweating. Possibly he was a little bit lightheaded.
Meanwhile, Ramona looked like some kind of goddess of light tonight, and that was not really helpful at keeping him relaxed. She had braided her hair on one side, and it hung over her shoulder, all of those shades of gold seeming to gleam here in her happy apartment that always seemed to have its own glow. She was wearing leggings, thick wool socks, and a big, oversized sweatshirt that he knew felt like a cloud to the touch. He also knew that she wasn’t wearing a bra beneath it, which was information his body did not need to have right now.
All she did was gaze back at him, looking irritatingly serene while he felt like he was coming apart.
“Why?” she asked again.
Knox felt something like panic work its way through him. Because this was not how things normally went with them.
Ramona did not melt and come to him, as he’d expected she would. She didn’t look like she was even considering it.
Usually, it didn’t take much for her to decide the distance between them was too much. She would normally make that move—sometimes emotionally, sometimes impatiently. She would kiss him. Maybe come over and sit on his lap. Reach out and put her hands on him. Something.
And he’d known that she was doing these things, of course. He hadn’t been blind to the way things were between them. Though Knox was pretty sure that until this very moment, he hadn’t really understood how much he relied on her inability to resist him.
He’d known that she was avoiding him these past two months. She’d told him that she never wanted to see him again, and she’d held to that for a lot longer than usual. They had never been apart more than a week since they’d met until she’d called it off in October.
Knox had admired her resolve. And he’d been determined to do his part, if that was what she wanted. He hadn’t sought her out directly. He hadn’t gone where he knew he’d find her, so he could “accidentally” bump into her. He had not made sure that she would see him somewhere in town. It was a point of some shame, in fact, that before he’d done all of that and more.
So you can always claim you weren’t involved, it just happened, it was all me, she’d said the last time they’d talked in October. Plausible deniability until it chokes you, right, Knox?
But it hadn’t dawned on him that she could hold onto that resistance in person.
He ran his hands over his face. “Today my mom asked me how I made it through Christmas Eve and the storm with the baby. When I told her that I called you, she pointed out that it’s very telling who a person calls first when they really need help. Maybe that’s why I’m here tonight. Just…” She only waited, her gaze expectant. His throat was so dry he was almost convinced he was coming down with some hideous virus. “You’re the person I always want to call, Ramona. The person I want to tell things to. The only person I could think of taking to Billings to do this thing I’m not sure I want to do.”
He saw something flash in her gaze, but he couldn’t read it. She’d always been like that. She had always been remarkably unreadable when she wanted. She had a better poker face than anyone else he knew and she could maintain it pretty much forever.
