Page 19 of A Christmas Baby for the Cowboy
The windows rattled, indicating the wind was gusting, and he seemed to take his time looking at her again. “It’s a big world. Folks around here think that a big sky is all they need, but I’ve always thought it was impossible to make that determination unless you did both.”
“Can the ranch make it without you?” She didn’t know if she was kidding when she said that or not, but she was surprised when Knox laughed.
He stretched back out on his side of the blankets, forgoing the couch as a back support entirely, and stacked his hands beneath his head.
“If you asked my brothers, they’d tell you that I don’t work here on the ranch now,” he said. “So no, I don’t think they’d miss my contributions.”
Ramona had heard him say things like that before. She’d heard his brothers say things like that too, for that matter. And it occurred to her that this was the first time they’d really had an extended conversation like this without there being nudity involved.
Her sobriety initiative where he was concerned was going well, Ramona thought a bit smugly. This was the equivalent of being able to sit at a dinner where wine was served without having to turn her glass upside down to keep from taking a sip.
Because when there was nudity involved, they never talked very long.
Because there were always better things to do.
And there had always, always been nudity involved until now.
But then, for the first time, it occurred to her that maybe that had been part of the problem.
They had spent a lot of time together, but when she looked back, it seemed to her that there was a whole lot of shallow water when they were together and then deep feelings in between.
On her part anyway.
“Do you think that your brothers are misrepresenting your contributions, then?” she asked, hoping that he couldn’t see what she was thinking about all over her face.
He laughed again. “Of course I do.”
But he didn’t elaborate.
And normally, Ramona would have let that go. Talked of something else or, more likely, kissed him instead.
It didn’t escape her that she might actually have found her own culpability here. Hurting her own feelings for over a year and not realizing the extent of it until now.
But everything was different today, thanks to little Hailey. So that meant she could be different too. “I think sometimes that families can get into a rut,” she said after a moment. “I can hear the way I talk about my mom. I make it sound like she’s filled with hate and is constantly railing against all things Montana.” She wrinkled up her nose. “That’s not really true. She’s the first person I want to call when something happens. I like to make her laugh and she always makes me laugh. That was a lifeline during my residency. And she can make anything grow. She brings plants back to life when I swear they’ve turned to ash and dirt. She sings to them, which she claims is the secret. I, on the other hand, have a black thumb and kill plants with impunity.” She considered that, too aware of the heat of his gaze on her. “My mother and I are both uncomfortably alike and completely different. I imagine all families are like that.”
“I love my brothers,” Knox said, very matter-of-factly. He shifted so he could look at Ramona directly. “I know they love me too, despite what you might be led to believe if you listen to them talk shit. But you, to them, I’m the one who had to do things differently. Who had to go off to college. Who needed to create a source of income that has nothing to do with the ranch.”
“Your brother Ryder was a huge rodeo star,” Ramona reminded him. “I feel certain he had another source of income as a bull rider at that level. Your brother Boone opened his own dairy. You’re not the only one that’s gone out on his own.”
“But the things I do don’t benefit the ranch, to their way of thinking,” Knox said, and it was the fact that he didn’t even sound resigned that got to her. He sounded… matter-of-fact. Understanding, even. “It raises High Mountain Ranch’s profile to have a rodeo star around the place. Same thing with Boone’s dairy and all the rest of the things he and Sierra are trying to do. Me, on the other hand?” He gave a sort of philosophical shrug that made her heart ache. “The reality is that any work that you don’t have to do with your own two hands is a little suspect in the Carey family.”
Ramona couldn’t contain her frown. “That’s just stupid.”
And this time when Knox laughed, it was a different sort of laugh altogether. This one was pure delight, as if she had surprised him.
“I said I loved my brothers,” he replied. “I didn’t say they weren’t idiots.”
And Ramona thought that it was a good thing that they’d both only had the faintest, slightest taste of that rum, because otherwise, she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t have backslid entirely.
She was grateful when Hailey woke up mad, demanding a diaper change and a cuddle.
There was more snow the next day, piling up higher and higher outside. The power came back on in fits and starts, only to get knocked out again when the wind picked up or the freezing rain swept in, turning the trees into sculptures that gleamed.
Time became meaningless.
They revolved around Hailey’s schedule and slept when they could. Ramona had often wondered how new parents did it—now she was getting a crash course.
But she found it all a kind of wonder. To be this close to such a new human that she started to understand the difference in the sounds she made. To understand how to communicate, broadly and roughly, with a creature who couldn’t speak or understand words.
