Page 15 of A Christmas Baby for the Cowboy
It was one sucker punch after the next.
But this one left his head spinning.
For a moment, he felt paralyzed. He was frozen there in that chair in a state of sheer disbelief.
He watched as Ramona came over to the couch. She set the baby down and then piled pillows all around her so there was no possible way she could fall off the couch.
And he realized that she had a tell, his ice cold doctor. He could see it in the way she moved, that humming tension in her limbs. He’d begun to think she really was unreadable.
But that didn’t really help him any just now.
He cleared his throat and it took effort. “I just want to be clear about what you’re accusing me of here.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything,” she shot back at him. “You’ve lived your life as you’ve seen fit and I have no opinion on it.”
“You clearly have an opinion on it, Ramona.”
“You made it clear that I was not allowed to have an opinion on it,” she threw at him, and he thought he saw a glimmer of hurt in all of that blue.
He sat forward in the chair, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together, because it was that or he thought he might put a fist through a wall. And that was hardly the kind of man he aspired to be. Or had ever been before.
“This birth certificate is a lie,” he told her, very deliberately. Very intently. “And I’ll tell you how I know that, Ramona,” he continued when she made a scoffing sound. “I don’t have to think about identifying marks or standout personalities in some drunken haze. It never happened. I haven’t actually slept with anyone but you since the day I met you.”
She straightened as if she’d sustained a body blow and her gaze snapped to his. With something like alarm, he thought.
“You don’t have to tell these stories,” she said, her voice low and even more hurt, to his ear. He hated it. “I don’t have anything to do with this.”
He couldn’t tell why that bothered him so much, but it did.
“I’ve had fun,” Knox bit out. He didn’t mean to get to his feet, but then there he was, standing. “I’d like to think that anyone who was with me had fun too. And if during that time in my life someone had come along and put a birth certificate like this in my face I would have had to go take a DNA test to be sure.” He pinned her with his gaze and he must have looked ferocious because he could see her eyes go wide. “But I don’t need a DNA test on this, Ramona. Because it’s only been you. The whole time. Since that first night in Mountain Mama Pizza, in case you forgot.”
“You know perfectly well I haven’t forgotten.”
“And what I’d like to know,” Knox said as if she hadn’t spoken, moving closer to her, “is how you can be the same person who told me you were in love with me when all along you thought this little of me.”
She made a soft sound, like he’d delivered a gut punch.
But he didn’t stop. “You really think that I’m the kind of man who had something going on with you that was as intense as it always was with us and was also running around banging nameless girls in bars who I couldn’t identify in a lineup?” He shook his head. “That’s who you think I am. That’s the kind of love you have to give.”
She flinched as if he’d hit her, and he didn’t like that very much. But this was Ramona, so she didn’t fall apart. She leaned closer, folded her arms over her chest, and blasted him right back.
“And why wouldn’t I think that?” she demanded. “Who do you imagine made sure that I thought exactly that? You went out of your way to make me think the worst of you, Knox. You can’t blame me now that I do.”
Knox shook his head, his gaze intent on hers. “I don’t know why Shoshana Delaney, whoever the hell she is, put me down as the father of this child. And it doesn’t look like there’s a whole lot I’m going to be able to do about that tonight, in case you didn’t notice the whole blizzard outside while you drove over here. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to go look at any records before New Year’s. So it looks like, like it or not, I get to play daddy for the foreseeable future. Because for some reason, this girl picked me.”
He moved closer to Ramona, because he couldn’t help himself. Because he could never help himself.
“I called you because I needed your help,” he told her, and could hear his voice going lower. “I’m fully aware that you don’t want anything to do with me, and I deserve that. But I don’t think I deserve you believing that I would lie about something like this. Or anything else. I’m a lot of things and I certainly didn’t treat you as well as you should be treated, but I never lied to you, Ramona.”
“Technically, no,” she agreed, her voice quieter, and yet somehow it seemed to pierce him right through. “Technically, you never did.”
Technically was doing a lot of work, Knox thought.
“You don’t have to help me,” he told her then. “I didn’t drag you out of bed to relitigate our shit. I’m sure my brothers can help me out once the sun comes up again. If it does.” He tried to do something neutral with his face but wasn’t sure he got there. “I appreciate you coming at all. I was worried something was wrong with her.”
“I’m delighted to be of service.” Ramona did not sound even remotely delighted.
They were standing very close together now, and he knew the exact moment she realized how dangerous that was. Because it always was. He watched her cheeks flush and then she looked away, and without even meaning to he tracked the way her pulse beat in her neck.
