Page 91 of The Deals We Make
Niro opens his mouth to speak, but I put my hand out to stop him. “You tell the story of how that harness holding her legs broke again and I’ll give you another black eye to match the one you had.”
Niro laughs. “It was a good fucking story, though. And some of the best sex I ever had. Perhaps you should try some of that.”
I think of the visual of all that red rope tied around Calista’s body. Can only imagine what she’d look like with cuffed ankles and a spreader bar.
Switch laughs. “Good job your better half knows you speak without filters. Sophia would be horrified if I told you all our sex stories.”
“Anyway, what’s got a stick up your ass?” King says.
“I don’t have a stick up my ass.”
Switch squeezes my shoulder. “Leave him alone if he doesn’t want to talk about her. You two are the worst.”
“She’s too independent,” I say, expecting them to give me shit.
“Shit. Got me one of those too,” King says. “Took me a while to convince her we could be something.”
Niro raises an eyebrow. “Maybe it was the whole kidnapping thing you did to her.”
King raises his middle finger, and Niro laughs.
Switch looks over at Sophia. “I sometimes worry that Sophia will wake up one morning and realize she doesn’t need me anymore. Every day she finds more and more of her independence again.”
Niro huffs. “She’s not going anywhere, and you and I both know it. She can be independent because you give her space to be who she is.”
We all look at Niro like he’s grown a second head.
“What?” he says. “That’s what I do for Cat, and she loves me the most for it.”
Switch thinks about what Niro is saying, for a moment. “There may be some sense to that.”
“Think about it, for a moment,” Niro continues. “If an independent woman loves you, it really means something. Rae, Sophia, Calista, Cat. They don’t really need shit from us. They can do everything on their own. Cook for themselves. Work for themselves. So, if an independent woman chooses you, they want you just for being you. Not what you can bring her and give her and do for her.”
King leans forward. “That’s a pretty profound insight, brother,” he says.
“I’m not finished,” he says. “Because with an independent woman, it’s going to take a while for her to let you help her, because she’s probably got really deep reasons why she’s always done things alone. She’s been abused, she’s been forced to carry others, she’s been left behind or abandoned to fend for herself. Or she’s been let down a million times, especially by men, until she genuinely believes she’s the only person who can look out forherself. It takes time and persistence to break that kind of shit down.”
I look at Niro and see the man he’s becoming. “That’s some accurate shit.”
And it’s true. I was her best friend, and I let her down. Then, the club let her down. Then, her mom let her down. One of the suspects for the stalking is some rich dude who let her down when she went to him for advice.
“Guess that makes us the lucky fuckers,” King says, raising his beer bottle. “Here’s to the independent women who love us.”
We cheer across the table, but I still worry about Calista. She hasn’t told me how she feels about me, even though I’ve come close to calling her mine and telling her how much she means to me.
She’s now chatting with Gwen and Rae. But the trouble with those two is they spend so much time together that they don’t realize when they are accidentally excluding someone. I’m happy my vice president found his way with my president’s sister. And I’m glad King found Rae because she’s the best old lady to a president there is. But I see Calista just nodding occasionally while the two of them chat.
Whatever they’re talking about doesn’t interest her or include her or ignite the spark I see when she talks about something she really cares about. And for Calista’s part, I’m not sure why she isn’t trying harder.
I also see her slightly upturned nose when Iris walks by, revealing her Property of Spark cut over a black jumpsuit that covers her bulging baby bump. I can see Calista’s eyes hover over the words on her back.
Yeah, can’t see her wearing one of those by choice, and as I sit here, I find myself torn between Calista, her career, loving who she is, and wanting her to be mine.
“Just gotta go check on something,” I say, and grab my beer. I catch Calista’s eye as I walk towards the corridor and tip my head in the direction of the room.
She nods, and when I hit my bedroom, I leave the door open. On the wall are photographs of some of the trips I’ve been on. Unlike Switch, who sticks any old snapshot onto the wall with pins and tape, I have carefully curated ten of my favorite pictures and had them framed.
Sturgis Motorcycle Rally a year after I joined. Me, King, Clutch, and Halo leaning against our bikes like the young punks we were back then. It looks like a seventies polaroid. Four young guns on a freedom ride. It was the first time Clutch got arrested for defending me when some white cops tried to pull the oldyou aren’t from around herebullshit involving a broken taillight that was in fine working order until one of them smashed it. Don’t know where we all would have been if Halo hadn’t secretly recorded the whole thing on his phone.
