Page 64 of The Souls We Claim
“For fuck’s sake. She’s a house mouse I got confused about.”
“Brother. You’re lying to yourself, because that’s a really expensive one-night stand if it’s true. You could have got a private room with half the staff at the Gold Pole for a lot less. I know you and I are opposite sides of the coin when it comes to women. I’ve loved Vi for a lifetime. Always wanted it all with her.” He looks over to where Vi is laughing at something Rae said. “But I get it. It’s a big fucking life change. Finding the right woman is more than you can imagine.”
I shake my head. “Fine, does it feel good right now? Yeah. Not gonna lie about that. Balls deep in Ari is the best it’s ever been. But forever?”
Bates narrows his brows. “What the fuck is wrong with forever? You really want to be your dad, banging girls three or four decades younger than you to prove a point?”
“It’s because I don’t want to end up like my fucking dad, you asshole.”
Bates grips my shoulder firmly. “Then choose to not be who he was. I loved your dad, but he was a weak man who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. The way he let himself go. The way he barely showered. The way he slept around without wrapping it up, leading to this mess with Collins and the Righteous Brotherhood. You’re the antithesis to what he was.”
“I hope so. He couldn’t hold on to my mom, though.”
“Because he never gave your mom a reason to stay.”
“Except me. I was a kid when she bailed. Thought maybe her own kid would have been reason enough.” My head drops, and I don’t know why I feel shame about that.
Bates shoulder checks me. “Then make a family of your own. Stop being a dick to a woman who is clearly halfway to falling in love with you. With the right woman, all your needs get met. With the right woman, you find a completely different kind of happiness that doesn’t come from being single. It comes from building a family you can be proud of. You, Ari, and Lola.”
I’m about to speak, but I realize Arianne is walking toward us. “We’re beginning to run low on Rae’s potato salad, and I didn’t want you to miss out on second helpings.” She hands me a plate that almost exactly matches the one I served myself earlier. She paid attention to what I ate. Her smile is breathtaking. The breeze flutters the ends of her golden hair, making it look like a halo around her.
“Thank you,” I say, taking the plate, fork, and napkin she offers me.
“What does family mean to you, Arianne?” Bates asks.
“That’s a big question for a sunny afternoon,” she replies, shading the sun from her eyes with her forearm.
I ignore the food in my hand, desperate for her answer. It’s going to be everything I could be for her. I know it. I want it to be, as much as I hope she throws out shit I can never live up to.
“I think mine is a bit different to others. But really, I think it’s the blanket that wraps around you, letting you know there are other people in the world who have your back. People who love you for who you are. People who don’t expect anything from you but want to be with you regardless. Unconditional love.” She sighs and looks out over the river for a second. There’s such wistfulness to her words. “You must be excited about the baby.”
Bates grins, and if he notices her diversion, he doesn’t say anything. “Can’t fucking wait to have another kid,” Bates says. “It’s weird—I love Avery with every inch of me, but love isn’t like pie. You don’t have a finite amount of it. You just find more. I’ll love the next baby, and the babies after that, just as much as I love Avery.”
“That’s so beautiful,” Ari says wistfully, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. “The truth is, I’d love kids, but I can’t have any. I don’t know why Mercy was killed, I think it would help if I understood why, but Lola is a miracle I wasn’t expecting.”
“Sorry,” Bates says. “Fucking insensitive of me.”
“No. It’s fine. It’s lovely to hear that being a parent is as powerful and achingly beautiful as I always thought it would be.” Ari blows out a breath and looks up at the sky.
I put the food down, jump to my feet, and pull her into a hug. Fuck trying to keep my distance for a minute; I hate seeing her sad. My lips brush the top of her head. She doesn’t fight me, nor does she wrap her arms around me. Her forehead presses against my chest.
“I’m sorry it hurts,” I say.
When she looks up at me, tears shimmer by her lashes, but she shakes her head to clear them. “I could never afford all the medical intervention stuff they can do these days, so I’ve made my peace with it. But it’s okay, you know. I have Lola. And I’m going to do everything I can to love and protect that little girl.”
It’s clear she hasn’t, and I suddenly wonder how much IVF and all that shit costs.
“I’ll feel better once I know who killed her mother, though. One day she’ll ask, and I’m gonna wish I had an answer for her.”
I sigh. I know I need to tell her what we know. “We believe the man who killed Mercy and my father was my half-brother.”
Her brow crinkles. “What? Does that make him Lola’s half-brother too? Why would he kill his father?”
I hold her tightly and place my lips close to her ear. “We don’t know. I only found out about his existence recently. But he’s sent me messages so that I know it’s him. And I’m worried about how far this need to kill his family goes.”
Her mouth and eyes go wide. “You think he might kill you too?”
“He can try, but he won’t succeed. I meant Lola.”
