Page 43 of The Souls We Claim
“How do I do that?”
“First off, we need to get you a place to write things down. Are you a digital girl or a pen and paper girl?”
I think about it for a second and remember the notebook Halo bought me that’s sitting next to my bed. “Probably a pen and paper girl.”
She drops off the counter and walks over to a desk in the corner. Out of it, she pulls some notepaper and a pen. “Two columns. Emotions at the top of one. Actions at the top of the other.” Rae hands me the sheets.
“Now?” I ask.
“Why not? Fearing what the future holds would be an emotion. Finding somewhere to live is a practical tangible action. Doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect. And don’t overthink it.”
I do as she asks.
Things spew out of my head at rapid fire, switching between actions and emotions.Find a job. I feel embarrassed. Talk to Halo about blood tests. Find a lawyer. Call my parents. Get a divorce. Feels wrong to give up on the idea of marriage. Wheredo I even belong? What does the rest of my life look like? I’m lonely. Why does no one think I’m loveable? Anger that I can’t have kids. Will fight for Lola.
All of it.
I don’t even pause.
Until my mind feels empty.
The band around my chest loosens.
I have no solutions, but my head feels empty.
“Feel better?” Rae asks.
I feel exhausted. Like I just ran a marathon. “I will.”
“Good. Halo is outside. He told me to give you this message. He’s sorry and wants to talk to you. Are you happy to speak with him? If not, King is willing to drive you and Lola to our house, and you can stay with us for a month while you find your feet.”
“Why would you do that?” I ask. “I mean, thank you. But why?”
“Because we can help. For what it’s worth, Halo is a good guy. He thought to ask me to come speak to you instead of charging in himself because he didn’t want to scare you.”
It fits with what I’ve learned about him. “I just overheard him with that club girl, Penny.”
Rae shakes her head. “Penny has her own baggage and reasons for being who she is and doing what she does. I’m not going to judge another woman’s path. But I’ll bet you a hundred bucks there is more to whatever you just heard.”
She’s right. “He’s not given me reason to not trust him. Yet.”
“King and I met under…interesting circumstances. And when Halo thought King might be…being cruel, he was going to step in and kick his president’s ass. Whatever just happened, I think it might be worth hearing Halo out. But I can get King to bring the truck over if you don’t want to.”
“Okay, I’ll speak with Halo.” I stand up. If I’m going to talk with him, I need to find my wits.
“You want me to stay?”
I shake my head, and Rae hugs me before heading to find Halo. I glance down at my list. So much on it feels utterly daunting. But I add some things to the emotions column.
I’ve survived the worst.
It’s going to get better from here.
Don’t rely on a man ever again.
Find my own money.
I am worth caring for.
