Page 38 of The Souls We Claim
His real name falls from my lips with ease.
Even as I gasp for breath, Jax eases in and out of me, slowing and gentling with every stroke, until he finally pulls out completely. He kisses me chastely when I’m still. It’s tender. “Such a good girl.”
The words make me feel extra gooey.
“But we can’t do that again, Arianne.”
Everything inside me deflates as quickly as it all sparkled.
“What? Why?” I sit up on the bed, tucking my knees beneath my chin so I’m looking at him. My wedding ring glints in the light, and I take it off. “Is it because of this?” I ask.
Halo shakes his head. “No. It’s because you’re young. You’re vulnerable. You’re mourning. You just got out of one mess, and the last thing you need is to dive headfirst into another. You’re emotionally vulnerable, and it would be real easy to lean into me because I look like a solid bet after your ex.”
“Are you saying I don’t know my own mind?”
He shakes his head again. “I didn’t say that. What I said is there are a shit ton of factors influencing the way you feel right now that might lead you to make a decision you might not make if those thingsweren’tfactors.” His tone is so patient, it’s almost irritating, which is a downer.
“Let’s say I accept all those reasons for doing what I just did…that I’m emotionally upset, that I wanted connection with someone who felt strong to me. What was your reason?”
Halo places his hand on my cheek. “Because I’m a sucker for a pretty girl in need of an orgasm. Which is the other reason this isn’t happening. I know way too many pretty girls who need orgasms right now.”
“Ouch.” I glance out of the window and look at the trees beyond Halo’s property.
“Just being honest, Arianne. I got no immediate plans for a girlfriend, an old lady, or kids. And you strike me as a womanwho, after everything she’s gone through, wants stability so badly, she can taste it.”
“I tried stability. Didn’t work out too well for me.”
Halo touches his fingertips to my cheek. “You pursued the right dream with the wrong man. Give yourself time to sort yourself out. Figure out what you want to do. Who you want to be. The life you want to build. When you know all that about yourself, you’ll be able to identify the guy who makes all that better for you. He’ll add to it. Not take away from it or diminish it.”
“Didn’t you say in the yard that sex and relationships aren’t the same. Can’t I just want sex?”
He slides his hand into my hair, running his fingers through the length before starting at the roots again. There is something incredibly intimate about the act. It makes me feel cherished.
“You can absolutely want sex, just not with me. Our lives are going to be linked forever because of Lola. She deserves the two of us not messing it up for her.”
“It would help if you weren’t such a good guy.”
Halo raises an eyebrow. “You don’t know me half as well as you should. And you need to know people better before you let them into that pussy of yours. Remember that when you’re ready to move on.”
Heat fills my cheeks. And for the first time in a very long time, I feel like something worth treasuring. I reach for his hand, caressing the callouses of his palm. “Is there any wiggle room on not doing that again?” I ask.
“That’s the other thing you need to know about me. My word is law. And no. There isn’t any wiggle room. You’re a beautiful, sweet girl. Someone will worship you one day. But it’s not me, it’s not here, and it’s not now.”
I glance to the gift bags on the floor by the door. “If you feel that strongly, why are you in my room?”
“Forgot to tell you it’s Lola’s first birthday party this afternoon. She needs to be at the clubhouse by four. Bring her in my truck. I’ll meet you there. And I figured, with the financial issues you had, you probably need a gift for Lola and might not have time to get her one. So, I rode out and got one for you this morning. I also got you a jigsaw puzzle and a journal.”
When I look at the gift bags again, I can see a jigsaw shaped box. “You did?”
He pulls the sheet over me and tucks it around me. “Briar says doing jigsaws quiet her mind when she thinks back to what happened to her. And Iris uses a notebook to process all her feelings. You’re going to need something like that, so I got ‘em for you.”
“Tell me again how you aren’t a good guy,” I say.
“Just taking care of shit,” he says as he stands.
I place my wedding ring on the bedside table. It’s liberating to remove it. “So, if I need taking care of tomorrow…?”
“Careful, kitten,” Halo says, but I see the way he pauses by the bedroom door for a second, shakes his head, then steps through it. “This was a lapse of judgement. A one-time thing. Don’t expect it to happen again.”
