Page 53 of The Souls We Claim
“Move over.”
I hurry to do exactly as he says.
17
HALO
I’ve had some bad ideas.
Scuba diving after a tequila all-nighter. Thought I had the bends.
A foursome with another guy involved. Turns out I’m selfish and not a fan of sword-crossing.
But getting into bed with Arianne might be the worst of them.
I try to find the one second where I can make a different decision, but even ruthless acknowledgment of all the reasons this is a fucking terrible idea is not enough to make me change my mind.
Not even the knowledge that I’m going to owe Switch ten thousand dollars if I go through with this is enough to deter me.
Instead, I have an almost out-of-body experience as I tug the rest of my clothes off with the exception of my boxer briefs. I feel the cool flooring beneath my feet. I feel the breeze of the air conditioner brush my chest.
And the way my heart pounds in my chest is utterly exhilarating.
Arianne pulls the sheet back so I can climb in with her, like we do this every day. But as I climb into a bed I’ve slept in a million times, it feels new. My bones settle, my muscles relax, and something deep inside me eases.
This is where you are meant to be.
“Show me what it should be like.” Her voice is nothing but a whisper.
The wordshouldhits me like a crowbar to the gut. It tells me everything I need to know about her relationship with sex. I’m not even sure I can meet her where she’s at, her starting point so far in my rearview mirror, I can’t even remember what it felt like to be nervous or vulnerable.
“Ari, you’ve been through enough.”
“Stop treating me like I’m broken, Jax.” The words come out on an angry whisper. “I’m not breakable. Not anymore. You’re not protecting me. You’re actively disregarding how I feel. I’m not looking for a husband. I’m just looking for someone who will take the ache and fear I feel away for a little while.”
I hate the hurt in her voice. She needs the safety and release only I can give her. Worse, I hate the idea that she might find it in some other man even more. But, still. "You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
She shoves at my chest, and I feel the urge to restrict her movement. She’s a powder keg, and fuck if I don’t want to tease the explosion out of her so she can settle.
“Once,” I say to Arianne. “You need me to get you out of your own head for a little while. Take you to a place where it quiets, little one?”
“Yes, please.”
I thread my hand around the back of her neck and squeeze it firmly. “Your safe word is glass. You know what that means?”
She nods. “I know enough.”
“We’ll use glass as a reminder. You smashed one, and I wasn’t angry. Sometimes I’ll explain what I’m doing. Sometimes I won’t. As this is new, I’ll humor questions as we go. Do you trust me to read you?”
Ari nods, but it’s accompanied by a little gasp of air. “Just make time stand still tonight. Please.”
“What if it hurts in a way that’s exciting? Not real pain, but need.”
“I’ll use my safe word.”
“Then come here,” I say, tugging her to me, for this one night, despite every part of me screaming that this should be forever. If once is all I get, I’m sure as fuck going to make it worth it.
For her.
