Page 46 of The Souls We Claim
One night, I crashed on Vex’s sofa after we spent time trying to track our way up the Brotherhood hierarchy.
Another, I slept in the spare room at my dad’s place after a long day trying to clear up the garden. I didn’t sleep well. Ghosts crept too close for comfort. Memories of opening presents one Christmas with Mom trying to gloss over the fact Dad wasn’t there. The dent in the doorframe where she threw an ashtray at Dad’s head before she moved out.
Unhappy relationships. Abandonment. Grief.
They stormed and raged all night to the point no amount of tequila could silence them.
If I thought I wouldn’t be affected by Arianne’s presence, I’d have preferred her company. She could have brought Lola, who could have sat on a blanket while I mowed, pruned, and chopped the garden into a saleable state.
Maybe Ari and Lola would have evened my keel.
Maybe, I would have been able to address the tiny thought that grew in the middle of the night until it felt like the weight of a house on my chest. That Mom leaving Dad, and her giving me up in the process, has left trace particles of abandonment in my bloodstream.
Why else am I looking down at the bar top of an almost empty clubhouse, running my finger down the condensation on my beer bottle as the clock on the wall behind the bar clicks its way to three in the morning? I’m going to sleep here tonight so I resist the urge to creep into Arianne’s room, bury my face between her legs, and make her come, just so I can taste her all over again.
And thoughts like that are doing nothing for my semihard cock. You’d think at my age, I’d have a little more self-control. But it appears Arianne was put on this earth to test my limits.
I like her wit. I’m glad she found the courage to leave her ex. I’m relieved Lola has someone other than me. Even as I find myself missing my little sister. To avoid Arianne, I’m incidentally avoiding Lola too.
And I should be helping Ari find a path to move on.
“Haven’t seen you since Lola’s party.” Penny draws a line down my bicep with red nails. She’s wearing a denim jacket, getting ready to leave. As always, her tits are basically spilling out of a ripped-up Harley T-shirt. She’s got a great figure and has always been a pretty active participant in my clubhouse sex life.
It’s shitty the way I blew her off at Lola’s party.
“Could say the same thing about you.” I nod to the prospect behind the bar to get her a beer. I rethink my stance on Penny. A no-strings night with her to blow off some steam might fuck Arianne out of my system.
Even as I think it, my cock wilts a little at the idea—the equivalent of a sugar-free fuck with Penny as a substitute for the real thing. Plus, there’s a reason she’s leaving here at this timein the morning, and my guess is it’s Switch’s cock that has her smiling.
Penny blows out a little puff of air. “Given the way Bates’s old lady reacted over nothing at Spark and Iris’s wedding and then the way Bates pandered to her, thought it best if I kept a wide berth for a while.”
I laugh at that. “Pen. You basically insulted his kid. You deserve what you got. You’re lucky Bates didn’t get you kicked out of the club for good.”
She looks up at me with an impish grin. “You would have stopped him, wouldn’t you? You’d miss me if I wasn’t around.” Her beer lands in front of her; she picks it up, clinks it against mine, and takes a sip.
“I wouldn’t have stopped him, no. Because he’s had a hard-on for Vi for years. She’s now an old lady, and you were out of order. You gotta learn your place, Pen.”
Her smile dims for a second. “You want to take me to your room and show me my place?” She places her hand on my cock over my denim.
In the SEALs, we had this thing called the One-Second Rule. When under pressure, physically or mentally, all it takes is one second to make a bad call or one second to regroup. To regain control of your own thoughts so you get the clarity you need to make a deliberate choice. A quick decision. One that enables you to take action.
I gently take Penny’s wrist in my hand and place it back on her own lap. Her mouth opens when I stand, shake down my jeans, and grab my keys.
“Don’t touch me again. You deserve better than this shit.”
“What if I happen to like this life?” Penny asks, but I hear the desperation in her voice.
“Do you really though, Pen? Do you really love not knowing which biker you’re gonna fuck each night?”
“You’ve never minded that I do that before.”
I shrug. “I don’t mind. Because you’re perfectly entitled to do whatever the hell you want with your life and body. But the idea of fucking you after you’ve already fucked someone else has never been my thing. I’m not a second-round kinda guy. And the fact you’ve never even noticed that before says more about how you see me than how I see you.”
“Then show me a better life, Halo. I’d make a good old lady. I know the score. I know you like two women at once sometimes. I’ve been there, remember? I’d even share you as long as you end up with me at the end of the night.”
“It’s not going to happen, Pen. You passed a point of no return. You’re never going to be accepted into the old ladies. You’ve pissed too many of them off and slept with too many of their men. Another year, and you’re going to be strung out. Go get a better job, go back to school—heck, do anything but hang around here.”
Tears fill her eyes, but they don’t tug at me the way Arianne’s did. It would appear nothing affects me quite the way Arianne does. “You’re sending me away?”
