Page 54 of The Loves We Lost
There’s are pictures of a pregnant Viola. And she looks every bit as beautiful as I always imagined she would. Even as darkcircles sit beneath her eyes. But it also hits me how young she was. How young we were.
Viola huffs. “I was so tired. Could barely sleep through the night because I was so uncomfortable, and Avery liked to kick the shit out of my bladder so I was constantly getting up to pee.”
I run my fingertip over her bump, wondering what it would have felt like beneath my palm. Turning the page, I swallow deeply. A teary-eyed Viola and a newborn Avery, skin to skin. The writing tells me Avery was eleven minutes old.
It’s too much, and I close the book shut. “Feelings about missing out on all this are still too raw,” I say, my voice rough with emotion. I place it back on the shelf and pull Vi into my arms. “Missed holding you when you were carrying her. Missed being there when she came into the world. Missed so fucking much.”
“I’m so sorry,” Vi says. “And now I’m expecting a lot of you.” Viola’s tone is soft. And when it’s soft, I know she’s open to persuasion. I kiss the side of her neck, and she tips her head, giving me more room.
“What if we kept this separate? You and me. We can live separately. You live here. We can do long distance. I’m gonna be coming by to see Avery. I’m hoping you’ll bring her to see me at the house too. We could make it work.”
Viola hugs me for a minute longer. “I think we all need a little breathing room. Go see your daughter’s room. She’s waiting.”
I press my palm to my dick that’s gotten thick at the way she yielded as I kissed her. “So’s my cock,” I mutter, but do as she says.
As I walk to my daughter’s room, I hear her giggling, and when I step in, I see Halo’s head appear above the window, then disappear again. When he does it again, I flip him the bird. Avery quickly turns around and I manage to quickly lower myhand before she realizes what I was doing. “Daddy,” she says, suddenly serious, “you can have my room.”
“What? Why would you say that?”
“Because if you had a room of your own, you could come live with us. And I could sleep in Momma’s room because she lets me sometimes.”
My already-battered heart cracks. I heard Rae once say that the reason we have ribs is to cage our hearts when they get too big. I joked it was the corniest bullshit I’d ever heard and a biological improbability.
And yet, as Avery offers me her room after the conversation I had with Vi, I feel exactly what Rae was saying. I take Avery’s hand and lead her to her bed, encouraging her to sit before I kneel on the floor facing her. “That was the kindest thing anyone has ever offered me. And maybe when I come to see you sometimes, we can share it.”
“Like a sleepover?” she asks, her eyes filling with excitement.
“Yeah. Just like a sleepover. We can get popcorn and watch a movie, and I’ll bring my sleeping kit and crash right there next to that enormous pile of stuffies.”
“You can sleep with one if you like,” she says earnestly.
I think of Vi for a moment, the woman I’d much rather be sleeping with, but this is a long game now. “I would love that.”
“I’m not going to see you for ages, am I?”
I think about the war we’re entering with the Righteous Brotherhood. Fuck, if it goes wrong, I might not see her at all. Need to get a fucking will or something so everything I have goes to her and Vi if anything happens to me.
“We’ll talk all the time. You can call me on Momma’s phone, but remember to ask her if it’s okay first.” The words choke in my throat.
Fuck, I don’t want to leave her behind, but I can’t take her with me either.
Blue lights flash on the wall of her room, and she jumps off the bed to run to the window. “Anthony’s here.”
I stand and join Avery at the window as Anthony gets out of his patrol car. He’s tall, in good shape. A decent-looking guy.
“Come meet him,” Avery says. “He’s my friend.”
I don’t want to meet the guy; I want to throat punch him for taking Vi out. And when Avery and I get to the driveway, he’s hugging Vi in a way that suggests he’s familiar with her body and still half in love with her.
Vi steps out of his arms, but he keeps his hands on her. So I walk right up beside her and throw my arm over her shoulder, making it really fucking uncomfortable for Anthony to leave his hands on her as it brings us all face-to-face.
“You might want to get your hands off the mother of my child.” I pull Avery in front of me and place my hand on her head.
Anthony takes in the three of us. Well, the two of us. Even he can’t miss the fact that Avery and I are—what was it King said?—like peas in a pod. Never thought I’d be grateful for the genetics mash-up that allowed mine to win, but I am.
Anthony’s brown eyes narrow at me as he steps back. “I’m pretty sure Viola can decide whose hands she wants on her.”
Viola slips her hand up to mine, still over her shoulder, and shoves it away. “Avery, sweetie. Can you go inside and grab me the sweater on my bed please? I’m a bit cold.”
