Page 52 of The Loves We Lost
“Such a good fucking girl. Come for me. Soak my cock.”
His hand tightens on my throat. Everything starts to sparkle. I’m losing my battle with air. I’m losing the fight to not come yet. To draw this out so I can hover on this precipice for just a little while longer.
The world narrows, just as my orgasm explodes deep within me. It blasts through all the worries and concerns. I can think about nothing beyond sucking in air.
Miles thrusts three more times. I hear him call my name in the distance, and then the world goes black.
When I come to, I’m still on the counter, but Miles is holding me up, rubbing circles on my back as my arms hang limp by his side. And more embarrassingly, his cock is still inside me.
I push off him and try to find my center of gravity, because I swear I’m having an out-of-body experience.
Did I really just let my ex asphyxiate me into the greatest fucking orgasm I ever had?
“Hey,” Miles says. And there is something about his tone that snaps my attention to him. “There she is.”
He drops a sweet kiss on the tip of my nose, on my lips.
What did I just do? I just watched blood swirl down the drain, blood from men who’d hurt me. And then I slept with their killer.
A killer.
Miles killed a man. Men.
“No need for you to suddenly withdraw from me, Vi.”
“I’m not withdrawing.” Even though I know I am. Miles is a tornado, and I can’t help but get sucked into him. I know better. I came here for safety, but Miles has delivered it in ways I’m not sure I can condone.
Yet, our daughter is safe.
Avery is safe.
He strokes a piece of hair back from my face. “You are. You’re probably thinking about the million and one reasons we shouldn’t have done that, even though it was the hottest thing that ever happened to me in my goddamn life.”
“Sex was never our problem,” I say saltily.
“I know.”
“You can pull out now.”
Miles tips my chin. “I know that too. Maybe I just like the idea that I killed for you and that my cum is currently so deep in you that my cock is like a stopper to the bottle. I missed you, Vi. I missed this. Us. The sum of what we were. I wanna come home at night, fucking revved, knowing you’re waiting for me. Knowing that I get to chase away the shit that happened during the day with your pussy.”
If only he knew just how much I wanted to lean into the idea of us. But I’m also a grown woman. I’m sensible. I have to be forAvery. This world is not for us. “I’m going home as soon as my car is ready,” I say suddenly, and nudge my way out of his arms.
“What? Why the fuck do you keep pushing me away?”
“That was a mistake.”
“It sure as fuck didn’t feel like a mistake when you were begging me to choke you. Didn’t feel like a mistake when your cunt squeezed the ever-loving fuck out of my cock.”
I grab a cloth and clean myself up. My eyes sting. I’m confused. I don’t know what I want or who I am anymore. I’m usually stable. I don’t emotionally flip-flop. I get annoyed by characters in books who can’t make up their minds, and yet ...
“Be quiet, please. You’ll wake Avery.”
Miles huffs. “She sleeps like the dead, and you know it. I want the Vi back who just sat on the counter asking for what she wanted. Not the coward who’s about to try and blow us off. Again.”
“I’m sorry.”
Miles grabs his towel from the floor and ties it around his hips. “Go to bed, Vi, and leave room for me. Niro and Cat are in their room.”
