Page 107 of The Loves We Lost
VIOLA
Morning breaks. I can see sunlight filter in around the drapes and can hear the sudden activity of the birds outside.
It’s warm in the cabin, but I snuggle against Miles. I love the way he hugs me closer, even as he still snores softly. Like even in sleep, he wants me right next to him.
And I’ve never been more certain of my choice. Having him in my life with some risk is better than not having him in my life at all. Now I’ll wear his cut with pride.
It feels like we’ve been back together forever, but it’s only ... I start to count. Mentally, the weeks since I saw Miles at the signing have blurred together, but the signing was only ...shit.
My stomach drops.
I haven’t had my period since before the signing.
I let out a swift breath.
I felt a little sick yesterday morning, but I thought it was partly due to a shitty night’s sleep, because Avery had a nightmare and the excitement of getting away with Miles.
I recount the days since my last period.
And every which way I count it, it’s significantly more than the twenty-eight days of my cycle.
“Fuck,” I say on a whisper.
“Something wrong, buttercup?” Miles’s voice is rough and raw.
Part of me wants to tell him everything is okay, that he should go back to sleep, that I have a cramp, anything rather than admitting what I’ve done. But if our long-term relationship stands any chance of succeeding, I need to come clean and apologize.
“I’ve got an admission to make. I didn’t lie exactly, but I omitted some critical information.” Guilt worms its way through me.
Miles takes a deep breath and forces his eyes open. I take a good look at them, still filled with love for me. In a moment it might be gone. “Yeah?” There’s curiosity but not anger. He’s waiting to hear what I have to say before he decides.
“When we slept together in New York, I made a decision based on the fact I was never planning on seeing you again, which doesn’t really make what I’m about to say any better. I wanted a sibling for Avery. A family that was bigger than just her and I. You didn’t ask if I was on the pill, so I didn’t tell you I wasn’t. I’m so sorry, I should have told you so you could have made an informed decision.”
Lines of confusion etch Miles’s brow. “Wait. You’re not on the pill?”
“Urgh,” I say, sitting upright and tugging the sheet up over my breasts. “This feels like a conversation we should be having while clothed.” As I move, my stomach lurches. I swallow in the hope I don’t throw up.
Whether that is morning sickness or nervous shock, I don’t know.
“I should have told you. It’s deceitful. I just ... the idea that I could give Avery a sibling with the same parents.” I smack my hand over my face as shame fills me. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“You mean to say that all this time I’ve been fucking you, I could have knocked you up?” he says. But his words are gentle—no, not gentle. They feel like a soft trap.
With one tug, he pulls the sheet down, exposing me to him. I immediately tug it back up, only for him to do it again.
“Leave it,” he says, stilling my hand.
“Yes. And ... shit ... I think it might have happened already.”
Miles looks shell-shocked. His jaw drops, his eyes widen, and then he smiles at me. It’s the panty-dropping one complete with dimples. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve thought about what it would be like to knock you up again? How many times I’ve jacked off in the shower to the idea of you pregnant with our kid? How your stomach would feel in my hands? I told you I’d dreamt about knocking you up again before you agreed to spend four weeks with me.”
“I remember. But kink isn’t always real, right? Like, it’s one thing to be turned on by something in your head, and it’s another for it to actually happen.”
“You didn’t think I meant it?”
“I ... erm ... no? I—” I groan as he tugs me back down to the bed. “Be careful. I feel sick.”
He licks my nipple. “Vi. You didn’t know I dreamed about being able to suck on these and taste your milk? Or how I want to use it as lube to fuck you with? Because I have a breeding kink a mile wide, buttercup. I just didn’t want to scare you with it.”
