Page 102 of The Vows We Keep
“You scare the shit out of me, Cat. You’re so fucking perfect, I don’t even know where to start. I wasn’t expecting to find a woman I could ride with and fight with and fuck like that. Didn’t think I’d ever find a woman who gets why my club is my life. Didn’t think I’d be fucking someone in the middle of making cinnamon rolls, but sometimes life takes the strangest turns.”
I move a curl off his forehead. “You’re pretty special too.”
“No. You don’t get it. I never thought I’d do this.” He circles his finger in the air. “Life with another person. I keep thinking about things. Like I’m gonna fuck it up. I can’t decide if I’m somehow managing to fake this. Like, it feels unusual and ...”
He looks over my shoulder as he rubs his jaw.
“I know who you are, Niro. I love who you are. And I love who you’re becoming. And I promise to always try to understand you, even if you say things that hurt me. We can press pause. Maybesodiumcan be our word for that. Whether it’s sex or conversation. If something is overwhelming us, we usesodiumand take a minute.”
“You want kids, Cat?”
The question comes out of nowhere, but I realize we should have talked about it before I agreed to be his old lady. “Maybe someday. But not for a long while. Not when I just found out I’m going to get a club cut. I have a burning need to ride out for my club many more times before I have to worry about a little one at home. You?”
“I always thought never. But I’ve visualized you knocked up with our kids, and it wasn’t as terrifying as I thought it might be.”
I smile. “Not terrifying, huh?”
His lips brush mine. “No. Not terrifying. In fact, I bet we have a fighting chance of raising happy little humans. Now go shower all this flour and sugar out of your hair while I cook these cinnamon rolls.”
Wide hands grab hold of my waist, and he lifts me down off the counter.
“Hey, Catalina,” he says when I reach the hallway.
I turn to face him. “Yeah?”
“I love you. And I really think I mean it.”
The words make me smile. I’ve been reading about ASPD. I know how hard it can be to trust feelings. “That might well be the best Valentine’s gift you can give me. Even better than the bulletproof tanks and cinnamon rolls. And I love you too.”
32
CATALINA
And just like that, time goes by. It’s nearly a month since I arrived here, looking for my father. I’ve ridden out with the club. And I’ve done a cash drop-off with Saint. Niro was pissed he didn’t get to join us, but King told him we weren’t the Bobbsey Twins who had to go everywhere together.
Niro sulked. Think he might have called King the c-word. And during my time with Saint, I learned the story of how an ATF agent blew his cover to save Iris’s life and to protect Briar.
Niro sulked again when I told him I needed to tell Neva and Felipe I was leaving California. I didn’t expand on why. But he felt vindicated when no one replied. I felt…nervous. Call it a sixth sense, but I couldn’t understand it. Neva and I had been friends for so long, and Felipe had been so insistent we should be together. His messages telling me to get my ass home stopped. Not that I cared.
I’ve been snowshoeing with Gwen, which I find utterly ludicrous but good exercise. Rae and I meet for coffee a couple of times a week. She’s less therapist, more friend. And Briar and I went to see a movie together.
But as I lie in bed, alone, I think about the part of my life I’ve tried to move on from.
I miss Mamá. We talk all the time. She’s met Niro virtually. We decided to keep the fact we’re Outlaws quiet. She knows he’s a tattoo artist and I’m happy. Next week, a company is packing up my house to move all my stuff here.
I think about the hole losing Neva’s friendship caused, and yet am grateful for the way the other old ladies have filled it.
But I’m still not over the fact the club killed my father.
I didn’t want to believe it. But there is enough detail in the envelope Vex gave me to be certain that when the club rode out that day, they had absolutely no intention of bringing my father back with them.
And for that, I want to burn them all down.
This was Perrito’s doing. It was his ego, his need for control and power, that stopped the club from doing the right thing and registering with the mother chapter.
Maybe what I need to do is travel to Mexico and find the current Los Reyes president. It’s a long way. And dangerous. The mother club is based in Tijuana. But maybe if I go there and explain, perhaps they’ll take on Perrito. After all, it’s significant lost income as the Barstow club sidesteps club dues and oversight while continuing unauthorized use of the Los Reyes name. Plus, murdering their own members goes against the motorcycle club and Los Reyes code of honor.
It’s too early to ask the Iron Outlaws to help me again. But I’m confident Niro would in a heartbeat.
