Page 72 of The Vows We Keep
“On the contrary, the way you’ve expressed yourself was very powerful. Would you consider journaling?”
I look at Rae like she just grew two heads. “Fuck no.”
Rae smiles, and I see for the first time how genuinely pretty she is. “I didn’t think so. I’ll see you every Wednesday morning at nine, starting next week. I don’t want any excuses. The only time you miss is if you are away on a run, and even then, we reschedule. You put in the work with me, Niro, and you’ll feel like an utterly new human being.”
“Is there anything I can do quickly? I want Catalina to stay. If I change or something, she—”
“I rarely cut off my clients in therapy. But given this is an unofficial discussion in my kitchen and you helped King kidnap me, I feel like I can. It’s wonderful to see you want to work on yourself, but you can’t do the work for someone else. You have to do it for you. Is there a chance Catalina will appreciate your efforts and love you for it? Absolutely. But even if you do this work, she might not stay for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with her home being the other side of the country. You can’t define your own success by whether she stays. You can’t conflate living your best life with her presence. You can’t control anyone else’s destiny. Only your own.”
I want to argue, but I can’t. Rae’s words makes sense. I actually like the way she breaks things down. “I see why you’re good for Prez.”
“We have our moments. But we’re in it together. Go home to Catalina. If you feel like it, tell her what we discussed. Share your journey with her. That kind of deeply intimate communication is the foundation a good relationship is built on.”
I stand and straighten the legs of my jeans. “‘Night. And thanks, Rae.”
“You’re welcome. You’ve changed in a very positive way in my eyes tonight, Colton. I like it. Oh, and yesterday, King gave me a lesson on my bike, and I noticed the patterns on it looked like Rorschach tests. He realized he’d forgotten to tell me it was your artwork. It’s beautiful and so very thoughtful. Thank you for your artistry.”
“Glad you liked it.”
“I loved it.” She squeezes my hand, and it’s not weird.
I open the kitchen door and walk down the hallway with Rae. King is sitting halfway up the staircase.
“Night, Prez,” I say as I open the door and step onto the front porch.
“Hey, Niro. Wait up.” King follows me outside. It’s cold, but he tugs me into his arms and hugs me. Hard. And without thinking, I put my arms around him too. “Ballsy move, facing up to shit. I’ve got your back.”
I’m starting to believe it might be a back worth having.
23
CATALINA
Neva:Were you able to find anything else out?
I look at the message on my phone. She’s at a motel, about five hours outside Barstow. Texts have been infrequent given the long hours on the bike.
I pick up my phone and type.It’s what I thought. I have Papá’s cut.
I hope she reads between the lines, because I’m not typing out that the club killed Papá in a text.
The home reno show I’m watching is just about to do the big reveal when I hear the door slam shut.
Gotta go. Niro’s home. Will message later. Cx
“Cat?” Niro shouts from the hallway.
I don’t have time to reply before he’s followed the sound of the television and enters the room. I’ve never seen a man as happy to see me as Niro is. He walks behind the leather sofa, then rolls his whole body over the top and drops down so he’s lying on top of me. His weight is resting in his arms so he doesn’t crush me.
“Hi,” I say, unable to resist matching his grin, despite the sadness I feel in my stomach.
“Never been so glad to come home.” His lips meet mine, and I sink into the kiss with him.
In the warmth of his touch, I have a vision of a life I didn’t think was possible. One where a man accepts me for who I am. Where I can share with him what I do, without him thinking I’m unstable or something. A life filled with the kind of love you dream about, a relationship built on respect.
And great sex.
The kind that’s hard to find when you’re like me.
